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IRAN ACCEPTS INVITATION TO JOIN HACKING and RIGGING CONTEST OF 2019
Sept 5 2019 Tehran [UPI]
Iran has eagerly agreed to join American Democrats, Denmark, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, El Salvador, South Korea and several shithole countries yet to be named, in a team effort to sway the 2020 contest in favor of the Democratic nominee for President. This coalition hopes to capture the White house as well as to elect every down-ticket democrat whose hat is in the ring. The unified force, known as THUMP (Trump Haters United to Meddle Properly) will pit their skills against Team Trump, consisting of Russia, North Korea, the Republican Party/NRA and the Philippines, in an epic hacking and propaganda battle next year. Final championships are tentatively scheduled for early November, though it is widely rumored that Team Trump may choose to postpone if for a decade or two. THUMP's hopes of upsetting the reigning champions may be based on their own inexperience, as Team Trump and their Russian leadership are vastly better versed in the areas of conspiracy theorism, swiftboating and other time-honored tactics that will surely be employed to great effect. Should those efforts fail, the results could be disastrous for the Republicans, who are already on pace to beat the record set by the “Watergate Seven”, for jailtime issued to presidential toadies.
Once a forbidden activity, “Hacking and Rigging” as it now fondly known, was legalized in 2019 by Presidential Proclamation and has since laid waste to any claims by the NFL or Major League Baseball to being the National Sport.
Iran has eagerly agreed to join American Democrats, Denmark, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, El Salvador, South Korea and several shithole countries yet to be named, in a team effort to sway the 2020 contest in favor of the Democratic nominee for President. This coalition hopes to capture the White house as well as to elect every down-ticket democrat whose hat is in the ring. The unified force, known as THUMP (Trump Haters United to Meddle Properly) will pit their skills against Team Trump, consisting of Russia, North Korea, the Republican Party/NRA and the Philippines, in an epic hacking and propaganda battle next year. Final championships are tentatively scheduled for early November, though it is widely rumored that Team Trump may choose to postpone if for a decade or two. THUMP's hopes of upsetting the reigning champions may be based on their own inexperience, as Team Trump and their Russian leadership are vastly better versed in the areas of conspiracy theorism, swiftboating and other time-honored tactics that will surely be employed to great effect. Should those efforts fail, the results could be disastrous for the Republicans, who are already on pace to beat the record set by the “Watergate Seven”, for jailtime issued to presidential toadies.
Once a forbidden activity, “Hacking and Rigging” as it now fondly known, was legalized in 2019 by Presidential Proclamation and has since laid waste to any claims by the NFL or Major League Baseball to being the National Sport.
