President Trump Mauled to Death By Wolves

[Jimmy Higgins]

WASHINGTON DC -- In tears, Vice President Mike Pence, prior to taking the oath of office, reported to the nation that the President had been killed, mauled to death by wolves.

Early reports indicates that the President had shouted loudly for minutes in the Oval Office about wolves and how they were going to attack him, but staffing thought he was watching cable news again or Trump was just looking for attention. Busy and overworked due to another change in China Tariff policy, the staffing simply didn't take the cries for help seriously.

Staffing immediately busted into the room after Trump was heard pleaing with god that "He'd never lie again if he'd just make the wolves go away."

Secret Service officials had no explanation as to how the wolves managed to get into the White House in the first place, nevermind making their way to the Oval Office unseen. "Wolves are crafty creatures," noted Secret Service agent Don Michaels. "That is just their nature."

Attempts were made to apprehend the wolves, but they managed to jimmy the windows of the Oval Office open and were last seen fleeing on the South Lawn.

 

[ideologyhunter]

Trump's gonna be killed by Big Macs, onion rings, and chocolate cake.

 

[Gun Nut]

It's hard to express the manner in which I personally would like to see him go, without violating rules or even laws.
Let me try to phrase this as carefully as I can.
IF the president HAPPENS to be assassinated by some misguided crazy person that should not be seeking violent means to free the country from his grip, then I would be the least unhappy about that if it went down like this...
He's up on a podium, spouting nonsense and crap that one has to put on their "dumbass voice" to be able to repeat out loud, and the assassin's bullet strikes him in the throat.
Blood and gore spouting out of his face on live Television, accompanied by inhuman, grotesque sounds of choking on blood and spitting bone...
That being the last impression everyone has of him.. so that forever, anytime anyone even mentions the name Trump, an instinctual recoil and disgust is felt at the memory of the sight and sounds of his gory, painful, grotesque death on live TV.

 

[Keith&Co.]

" Secret Service officials had no explanation as to how the wolves managed to get into the White House in the first place,"

Did anyone ever show Scaramucci or Bolton where Kennedy's sex tunnel is in the basement? Especially where it comes out at?

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Those wolves snuck into your country across the Canadian border. We told you people to give us the money to build a wall but you said no. That makes this your fault.

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

Those wolves snuck into your country across the Canadian border. We told you people to give us the money to build a wall but you said no. That makes this your fault.

I can live with that.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Those wolves snuck into your country across the Canadian border. We told you people to give us the money to build a wall but you said no. That makes this your fault.

I can live with that.

Live with it? I'd get a patch made. "Built no wall, wolves ate, LOL!"

 

[Angry Floof]

So sad. We're a nation in mourning.

OK, now that the mourning period is over, let's get Pence a new swearing in gown! I think pearls will best highlight his grey skin and hair.

 

[TV and credit cards]

I should really have that last bit of salmon for supper but I’ll probably make a pizza instead.

 

[Elixir]

I keep clicking on this thread, hoping that one of these times it's going to turn out to be true.
Damn you Higgins!

 

[Jolly_Penguin]

Would you really prefer president Pence? Trump at least is a dumb ass. Pence is like emperor Palpatine.

 

[Elixir]

Would you really prefer president Pence? Trump at least is a dumb ass. Pence is like emperor Palpatine.

Yes I would prefer "President Pence". I don't believe he's even in the same league as Trump when it comes to dividing Americans, destroying American institutions and riling up white supremacists.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Would you really prefer president Pence? Trump at least is a dumb ass. Pence is like emperor Palpatine.

Yes I would prefer "President Pence". I don't believe he's even in the same league as Trump when it comes to dividing Americans, destroying American institutions and riling up white supremacists.

Also, if Pence shot someone on 5th Avenue, congress might be persuaded to do something about it.

 

[Elixir]

Would you really prefer president Pence? Trump at least is a dumb ass. Pence is like emperor Palpatine.

Yes I would prefer "President Pence". I don't believe he's even in the same league as Trump when it comes to dividing Americans, destroying American institutions and riling up white supremacists.

Also, if Pence shot someone on 5th Avenue, congress might be persuaded to do something about it.

Yeah maybe, if the person he shot was a white male.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Would you really prefer president Pence? Trump at least is a dumb ass. Pence is like emperor Palpatine.

Pence is an idiot. A former AM Radio conservative personality that got into Congress... eventually. He is the 21st Century Dan Quayle.

 

[ideologyhunter]

He's also borrrring. He's at least at the 50th degree of Caucasianhood. Allen Ludden would've called him a lame-ass honky. He bores Mormons. He has his own brand of designer Mayonnaise. It's called Mayonnaise. Store mannequins get erections when he goes by. He looks like the dummies they use in lifeguard class. You wonder if he's anatomically correct, or if the designers just didn't bother.
If Trump was suddenly gone and Pence had to take the stage at one of the MAGA caveman rallies, the Trumpies would be lost. They'd each need about 4 or 5 forties to work up a good 'Yeehaw' for the Pencester.

 

[Gospel]

Honestly, I think Mike just mimics the mannerisms of Robert Powell in Jesus of Nazareth and believes he's been hand crafted by God to carry out whatever the hell it is he's doing.