Professional cuddling

[southernhybrid]

I didn't even know this was a thing until a few weeks ago, when the Washington Post had an article about it. There are people who pay approximately 80 dollars an hour to be cuddled. I'm lucky in that I have a very cuddly husband, so I never considered that some people are in such a need to be cuddled that they are willing to pay for it. Southern people tend to like to hug, so perhaps we don't need much extra cuddling, but sure enough, there are professional cuddlers in Atlanta. And, since my curiosity was peaked by the WaPo article, I've learned that cuddling has become a lot more popular in the US since Trump was elected. Don't laugh Brits. Professional cuddlers are in your country too, but they charge more than here in the US. Apparently this is becoming a big first world business.

So, what do you guys think? Do you need to be cuddled? Would you pay for it? Would you do it for a living? The rules are that it's completely nonsexual, but I have my doubts about cuddling a stranger. Do you think this business is increasing due to the fact that humans are too attached to their computers, phones etc.? From what I've read, disabled people, autistic people and people with other problems are often likely candidates for cuddling. I really don't get it because I also have two very cuddly dogs and I'd much rather cuddle with my dogs than with a stranger. In fact, my dogs and my husband are the only "people" that I even want to cuddle.

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/features/why-professional-cuddling-is-booming-under-trump-w495042

The reasons one seeks out a professional cuddling experience range from average adults seeking connection, those on the autistic spectrum, those healing from sexual trauma, adults dealing with sexual dysfunction or for older virgins to practice touch in a safe environment. The elephant in the room during some of these sessions, though, is the current state of the country's affairs. Since November – and the election of Donald Trump – professional cuddling services have seen a spike in client interest.

I still suggest that you get a dog if you want to be cuddled, and don't have a human to cuddle, but that's just me. If you have time to read the linked article, you might find it amusing. To each his/her own.

 

[ruby sparks]

Your dogs cuddle you back?

My first reaction to this is to think that it (cuddling) is mostly a good idea. What's not to like?

As to paying for it, my reaction would be similar to the idea of paying for sex, in that I would think there might be some authenticity missing, by which I mean the absence of genuine emotional reciprocation, more than just the mechanics. But even then, I'd say that I'm probably 'wired' to get something affirmative and comforting nonetheless. I think we all tend to respond to touch. And I would have no problem getting (and getting something from) a massage even though the masseuse is doing it for the money.

Paying for a 'cuddling session' in which other payees cuddle each other might be even better, because in that case the person I'm cuddling is not doing it for the money.

I think cuddling (or at least hugging) each other, even strangers, is probably a good idea and something that more of us might consider doing more often.

Inappropriate sexual or romantic feelings might be a bit of an issue I suppose.

 

[WAB]

I haven't been intimate with a woman since 2009, so I can almost understand why some people would pay for something like this; but I would never cuddle with a stranger, for the same reasons I would never touch a prostitute. I want my caresses to be heartfelt, though I can understand liking a massage. My first beloved gave me a L O N G drawn out massage, down to each and every toe and finger, and it took like an hour. I was in Heaven, needless to say. She was into all that holistic, new-agey stuff like oils, candles, the whole nine yards. Better than sex (but yeah, it moved [Seinfeld reference].

I would definitely rather have a dog or cat than get all warm and fuzzy with someone who was doing it for the money (well, if it was Salma Hayek...).

Bumble is a great cat, but she is very wary of being stroked, being that she had been abused, and having spent a few years in a cage.

Some men go in for those big life-sized dolls. I don't mean sex dolls, but those big soft, plushy dolls. Not that I've ever researched that kind of thing, or anything like that...




*rimshot*

 

[rousseau]

Intimacy is a big driver in happiness. Those who don't have it will go to great lengths to get it.

I've heard stories abound of people flying across country to get laid with a person they've met on the internet. To someone with a consistent and healthy relationship this might not make sense, but to people living alone with few friends and spotty relationship histories.. it means a lot.

 

[southernhybrid]

Yes, I pretty much agree with all of you. And yes Ruby, my dog does cuddle me back. In fact, the one that is closest to me, often initiates the cuddling. Her body is built to be cuddled. She's soft and round with a bit of a chubby belly. My other dog, the one closest to my husband, likes to cuddle as well. The only problem with her is that sometimes she gets carried away and tries to put her tongue in my mouth. That's going too far for me. That's why I suggest getting a dog if you need to be cuddled, but I'm sure a cat would be preferred by some people. I've had cuddly cats when I was younger.

We are primates and primates hug a lot, although I certainly do know some people that hate hugs. I hugged a homeless woman many years ago, after I gave her money for a room for the night. We both seemed to enjoy the hug. I visited some of my former patients last week and shared many hugs with them. Hugging is one thing, cuddling with a stranger for an hour or so, simply doesn't appeal to me, but we all have different needs.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I've heard about it a few years ago.

As for a need to be cuddled--it's definitely there. However, I can't understand why someone would pay for it--it's the emotional aspect that's really important and that's not going to be there with someone you hire, only with a loved one.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I can see how there'd be a market for that. People crave human contact and if your circumstances in life mean that you can't get that yourself, renting it would be a viable option.

 

[southernhybrid]

Apparently there is a need or this wouldn't be a growing business. It's just sad that so many people have to pay to be cuddled. What does that say about contemporary western society?

 

[Bronzeage]

Something I realized in my old age is, there are a lot of people who cannot process intimacy. Lactose intolerance might be an analogy. The lactose intolerant lack an enzyme which allows the rest of us to comfortably digest dairy products. A glass of milk, a bowl of ice cream, or a grilled cheese sandwich, for most of us, is a pleasant experience. We look forward to the next one and fondly remember the last one.

There are some people who lack a vital emotional element, which allows them to take comfort in being close to another human being. However, unlike cow's milk, for which we have no intrinsic need, human's need intimacy. It's critical for survival, especially in the first several years, when we are most vulnerable. If we consider humans as a primate, before the days of clothes, an infant would spend its first months in constant body contact with its mother. It's only because of civilization and technology that it's possible for an infant to survive, without this intimacy. As the infant grows into childhood and becomes an adult, intimate contact with others is no less important. Humans are social creatures. In our natural state, no technology, depending on what we can scrape out of our environment, our survival depends upon being part of a group of humans. Again, as with the infant, the only reason we can lead solitary lives is because civilization and technology are able to substitute for the human relationships which once supported us.

As with everything human, intimacy intolerance is a spectrum. At the extreme end, we find those who can't process it, and don't desire it. For those who can't process it, but still desire it, the world is a giant Basking Robbins and they are lactose intolerant. This gets as complicated as any other human emotional need. It's not surprising to find there are people who will pay money in exchange for limited physical contact.

There is a thriving business which caters to people with intimacy problems. It's called the phone sex trade. I have a friend who worked briefly as a "phone sex operator". Her customers, or clients, would call her, and after taking their credit card information, she would talk while the client masturbated. The average transaction was less than 20 minutes, which in those days cost $60, US. It's an interesting economic puzzle. If there is one certainty about the internet age, it is the easy availability of pornography which caters to any fantasy, for little or no cost. Yet there are some, who will pay good money just for the sound of a human voice. It's the thinnest charade of intimacy possible, but it's worth about $180/hr.

 

[Subsymbolic]

I got a cat fairly recently that has taken to grabbing my hand and wrapping itself around it, with the tail around and going up my wrist. Once in that position she just goes to sleep. If I try to move she just holds on. I don’t know about cuddles, with six kids and a happy marriage it’s hard to escape, but a back scratch service...

 

[ruby sparks]

Apparently there is a need or this wouldn't be a growing business. It's just sad that so many people have to pay to be cuddled. What does that say about contemporary western society?

That we routinely pay other people we don't know for stuff?

After all, most of us routinely sate our other appetites, needs and desires by paying strangers to provide for them. Food for instance. Clothes. Houses. Entertainment.

With the exception of those out there who knit their own turnips and make roof coverings with the skins while being told jokes by a significant other.

 

[braces_for_impact]

I think I finally found my niche. Off to peddle my wares....

 

[southernhybrid]

Apparently there is a need or this wouldn't be a growing business. It's just sad that so many people have to pay to be cuddled. What does that say about contemporary western society?

That we routinely pay other people we don't know for stuff?

After all, most of us routinely sate our other appetites, needs and desires by paying strangers to provide for them. Food for instance. Clothes. Houses. Entertainment.

With the exception of those out there who knit their own turnips and make roof coverings with the skins while being told jokes by a significant other.

Well, that's one way to look at it, but I think paying someone to cook your food is a bit different from paying someone to hug and cuddle you. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's like getting a massage or physical therapy. Maybe that's it. Come to think of it, one could probably get a massage from a professional massage therapist for about the same price. If I needed some therapeutic touching, I think I'd take that option.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Apparently there is a need or this wouldn't be a growing business. It's just sad that so many people have to pay to be cuddled. What does that say about contemporary western society?

That we routinely pay other people we don't know for stuff?

After all, most of us routinely sate our other appetites, needs and desires by paying strangers to provide for them. Food for instance. Clothes. Houses. Entertainment.

With the exception of those out there who knit their own turnips and make roof coverings with the skins while being told jokes by a significant other.

Well, that's one way to look at it, but I think paying someone to cook your food is a bit different from paying someone to hug and cuddle you. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's like getting a massage or physical therapy. Maybe that's it. Come to think of it, one could probably get a massage from a professional massage therapist for about the same price. If I needed some therapeutic touching, I think I'd take that option.

And I think that's one of the main issues - that there's a general attitude that there's something wrong with people who would use this type of service. There is a subset of people out there for whom normal social interaction is very difficult, but those people have the same needs for that type of interaction as everyone else does. If someone can't maintain a regular social relationship for whatever reason (medical, personal, whatever) but still has a need for physical human contact, I don't see anything wrong with somebody supplying that to them in exchange for cash. I also don't see any reason that they should try to hide what it is that they are actually looking for by pretending they want a massage in order to sort of get something similar.

 

[Shake]

Well, that's one way to look at it, but I think paying someone to cook your food is a bit different from paying someone to hug and cuddle you. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's like getting a massage or physical therapy. Maybe that's it. Come to think of it, one could probably get a massage from a professional massage therapist for about the same price. If I needed some therapeutic touching, I think I'd take that option.

And I think that's one of the main issues - that there's a general attitude that there's something wrong with people who would use this type of service. There is a subset of people out there for whom normal social interaction is very difficult, but those people have the same needs for that type of interaction as everyone else does. If someone can't maintain a regular social relationship for whatever reason (medical, personal, whatever) but still has a need for physical human contact, I don't see anything wrong with somebody supplying that to them in exchange for cash. I also don't see any reason that they should try to hide what it is that they are actually looking for by pretending they want a massage in order to sort of get something similar.

I agree, Tom. I can see it for the highly motivated worker types, or the musician or athlete who's too busy for a full-time relationship. As folks have said already, people have needs and this to me seems like a good outlet for that sort of thing. Safer than soliciting prostitutes, who likely won't (necessarily) provide the non-sexual type of intimacy people need.

Someone earlier in the thread mentioned how this close physical contact is especially important for children growing up. That's why I find it nice that there are folks who go to the hospitals and volunteer to hold infants and just hold and rock them for a while. It was something I really cherished when my children were small enough to just hold on a shoulder. It's clear that there are benefits to both parties. I've heard of the professional cuddlers several years ago. Good to hear that it's not only still going on but growing.

 

[southernhybrid]

Well, that's one way to look at it, but I think paying someone to cook your food is a bit different from paying someone to hug and cuddle you. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's like getting a massage or physical therapy. Maybe that's it. Come to think of it, one could probably get a massage from a professional massage therapist for about the same price. If I needed some therapeutic touching, I think I'd take that option.

And I think that's one of the main issues - that there's a general attitude that there's something wrong with people who would use this type of service. There is a subset of people out there for whom normal social interaction is very difficult, but those people have the same needs for that type of interaction as everyone else does. If someone can't maintain a regular social relationship for whatever reason (medical, personal, whatever) but still has a need for physical human contact, I don't see anything wrong with somebody supplying that to them in exchange for cash. I also don't see any reason that they should try to hide what it is that they are actually looking for by pretending they want a massage in order to sort of get something similar.

No, I'm not suggesting there is anything wrong with these people. They obviously have a need for more touching then they are getting elsewhere. The reason I would prefer a massage therapist if I had to pay, is that there would be other benefits to getting a massage, other than just getting touched. A good massage can relieve muscle spasms and fatigue for example. Actually, my daughter in law was a certified massage therapist, but she quit after a couple of months because she didn't like touching "icky men." I guess not very many people are cut out for work that is based on a lot of close touching. I guess that's why they can charge the fees that they do. Supply and demand is the rule. I've read that some of those in this profession can't keep up with the demand.

And, this isn't the same as volunteering to cuddle babies or children or visiting and hugging older adults in nursing homes. It's a business model based on the type of touching that humans once obtained from families, lovers and friends. I can't help but find that a little sad. Don't confuse that with condemnation.