Reading a Bedtime Story to a Libertarian: A Play in One Act.

[AthenaAwakened]

Reading a Bedtime Story to a Libertarian: A Play in One Act.


STORYTELLER (ST): Are you ready for your bedtime story?

LIBERTARIAN BOY (LB): Sure am.

ST: All righty then. How about LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD.

LB: Oh I like that one.

ST: OK. Once upon a time there was a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood. One day her mother gave her a basket of goodies to take to her grandmother's house deep in the forest.

LB: What kind of goodies?

ST: Oh, all kinds. Candies and tiny cakes and tasty savories, all bundled in a checkered cloth and tucked into a wicker basket. Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother's house ...

LB: I Like tiny cakes and savories. I can not think of anything I like more than Tiny Cakes and Savories.

ST: They are good. Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother's house ...

LB: Do you think the grandmother will give LRRH any of the cakes and savories?

ST: I'm sure she will. Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother's house ...

LB:Well it really wouldn't be giving her the cakes and savories. I mean, she did walk all the way to Grandmother's house to deliver the cakes and savories so she earned some for her trouble. It's not like she just showed up at her Grandmother's and after putting in no effort at all, just took the cakes and savories like it was her entitlement.

ST: Are you finished?

LB: Oh yes. Please go on.

ST: Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother's house ...

LB: Now of course if once she gets to Grandmother's and her cousin is there with even better cakes and savories, LRRH shouldn't get any of those because she didn't bring those. Only Grandmother and the cousin should get those, because the cousin brought those.

ST: <clears throat> Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother's house ...

LB: The only way LRRH could get the better cakes and savories was if she did some kind of service to earn the better goodies, like set the table or unpack the basket or maybe do the washing up after they had all eaten.

ST: <Glares at LB for 96 seconds and then quite loudly> Now Little Red Riding Hood went skipping off into the forest on her way to Grandmother's house ...

LB: That's what I would do. I would work and earn the better savories and cakes. I suppose the Grandmother could just give LRRH the cakes and savories as charity. That is acceptable but only if LRRH didn't coerce the Grandmother in anyway. And you don't want to be too generous with charity. Makes people lazy and they won't work. But I love cakes and savories too much not to be willing to work for them, so I would always have cakes and savories, even when there weren't enough for everyone, even when there weren't enough for the people who worked because I would work just that much harder and beat the competition.
Oh Storyteller, what a big .357 magnum you have!

 

[untermensche]

They keep an itemized account of every cent spent on their children and then give them a bill on their 18th birthday.

You know, to prevent all that laziness and all.

 

[Jason Harvestdancer]

Is this about libertarians or the straw libertarians that progressives prefer to attack?

 

[untermensche]

You must know there is a huge difference between a libertarian and a Libertarian.

Nobody in this thread has any problem with libertarians.

 

[Ford]

Is this about libertarians or the straw libertarians that progressives prefer to attack?

That's right. If I remember correctly you've appointed yourself as the final arbiter of what is and is not libertarian.

Of course, that's a problem as well, since each libertarian has an inflated sense of self-importance to the point where they each feel that they alone are uniquely qualified to define the L-word.

Definitions aside, the entire libertarian world view is based upon a straw-man caricature of progressive/liberal thought, so claiming a straw libertarian defense is a bit absurd.

 

[dismal]

The godawful obsession people on this forum have with describing libertarians is only matched by their relentless unwillingness to listen and understand what libertarians actually believe.

I don't know how any reasonable person could read the dreck that emerges from this forum and not despair for humanity.

 

[Ford]

The godawful obsession people on this forum have with describing libertarians is only matched by their relentless unwillingness to listen and understand what libertarians actually believe.

Hold on a second...I'm going to walk over to my book shelf and take note of all the Ayn Rand books I've read. I'll be back shortly...




Okay, I'm back.



Obviously, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. We The Living is up there, as well as a couple compilations of essays. The Virtue of Selfishness and Philosophy: Who Needs It?



I guess it would be useless at this point to reference my one time membership in the Libertarian Party?




Again, there's this sentiment among our resident defenders of all things libertarian that nobody other than themselves have ever explored the ins and outs of the philosophy to which they adhere so passionately.




Well some of us have been there and done that.

 

[Bomb#20]

The godawful obsession people on this forum have with describing libertarians is only matched by their relentless unwillingness to listen and understand what libertarians actually believe.

I don't know how any reasonable person could read the dreck that emerges from this forum and not despair for humanity.

Have you noticed how often we get Christians who cling to the most childish Christian stereotypes of what atheism is and why atheists think what we think, and yet tell us about being former atheists themselves?

 

[Canard DuJour]

It's a fair - indeed gentle - satirisation. Property (the cornerstone of Libertarianism) is to be established by 'homesteading' : mixing one's labour with the external world, thereby extending claims of self-ownership. Except, of course, where others can demonstrate prior title. The obvious objections are typically waved away with appeals to natural rights, work ethic etc - more of the same.

Libertarianism here means the political philosophies of, eg, Murray Rothbard, Hans Herman Hoppe, Ayn Rand, Walter Block etc, (and, more recently, a host of hacks employed by rightwing thinktanks). Not every man jack on the internet calling himself Libertarian, whose claims amount to little more than random assertions of personal preference.

 

[untermensche]

The problem is, we see Libertarians, not libertarians, siding with Republican Big Business Uber Alles policies time after time.

Are they concerned with the environment?

Do they want to limit the power of too big to fail institutions?

Do they support, not just accept, unions as a means to empower workers against a powerful company?

Do they see them as necessary to even the playing field as long as capitalists create this false dichotomy of workers and management?

I've heard they oppose foreign wars and support marijuana legalization. That's great.

My concern with them are their economic ideas. To me they support the freeing up of the worst parts of capitalism from government restraint.

 

[Jason Harvestdancer]

The godawful obsession people on this forum have with describing libertarians is only matched by their relentless unwillingness to listen and understand what libertarians actually believe.

I don't know how any reasonable person could read the dreck that emerges from this forum and not despair for humanity.

Yes, but if you try to point out what libertarians actually believe, "you've appointed yourself as the final arbiter of what is and is not libertarian".

 

[AthenaAwakened]

The godawful obsession people on this forum have with describing libertarians is only matched by their relentless unwillingness to listen and understand what libertarians actually believe.

I don't know how any reasonable person could read the dreck that emerges from this forum and not despair for humanity.

Yes, but if you try to point out what libertarians actually believe, "you've appointed yourself as the final arbiter of what is and is not libertarian".

pointing out what libertarianism is, isn't what gets you be being called "the final arbiter of what is and is not libertarian".

Treating an obviously satirical piece as if it was a documentary out to state as fact what are obvious exaggerations is what gets you to being called "the final arbiter of what is and is not libertarian".

Lighten up, man.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I think that the problems with coming up with viable definitions of libertarianism are due to the fact that defining libertarianism necessarily requires making an association between libertarian philosophy and reality. That's pretty much always going to fail due to the lack of any sort of connection between libertarianism and reality and generally just devolves into some crazy old guy running around in the street with a boot on his head.

 

[Jason Harvestdancer]

Like this?

 

[Tom Sawyer]

It's reference to Vermin Supreme, who showed up protesting a bunch of Ron Paul events during the last Presidential campaign wearing a boot. The thing often got mis-associated with Ron Paul because craziness around Ron Paul is, by default, attributed to Ron Paul.

 

[TacticalLoco]

The godawful obsession people on this forum have with describing libertarians is only matched by their relentless unwillingness to listen and understand what libertarians actually believe.

I don't know how any reasonable person could read the dreck that emerges from this forum and not despair for humanity.

After reading the unfortunate total [dreck]* you continue to post here, I must agree.


*edited by moderator staff, for clarity of meaning.

 

[Emily Lake]

I though the bedtime story was pretty cute. The ideas espoused are fairly accurate: That one shouldn't expect free handouts; that one should work and earn in trade the goods and services that one needs or wants in life; that competition is valid and fair and that if someone else's goods are better then they might win out against you; that charity exists as exactly what it is: generosity of spirit and not an entitlement; that entitlements carry a risk because the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

What the little boy says are not strawmen based on my understanding of libertarian principles. It's the situation expression of those principles that is exaggerated... for the sake of humor. I thought it was actually pretty well done. Much better than the usual run of the mill bashing that I've seen more often.

ETA: Athena, I can't give you more rep yet, but know that I would have, for cleverness

 

[AthenaAwakened]

I though the bedtime story was pretty cute. The ideas espoused are fairly accurate: That one shouldn't expect free handouts; that one should work and earn in trade the goods and services that one needs or wants in life; that competition is valid and fair and that if someone else's goods are better then they might win out against you; that charity exists as exactly what it is: generosity of spirit and not an entitlement; that entitlements carry a risk because the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

What the little boy says are not strawmen based on my understanding of libertarian principles. It's the situation expression of those principles that is exaggerated... for the sake of humor. I thought it was actually pretty well done. Much better than the usual run of the mill bashing that I've seen more often.

ETA: Athena, I can't give you more rep yet, but know that I would have, for cleverness

Thank you very much.