Why are we playing he What If game? The rules on the box don't make for consistent results or even outcomes.
What if God had a long lifetime, like the bristlecone pine tree, but he died a while ago and all his policies lapsed with him?
What if God has multiple personalities, and Satan is just his name for his 'dark place' mood?
What if God self-medicates, went completely off-program in Genesis 8, for example, and could go apeshit any day now?
What if heaven has a soundtrack, and it's Tammy Faye Bakker's greatest hits?
What if God really did put Trump in office? (See 'Satan is just his...')
What if God is gay, and he will exact a crippling vengeance on the homophobic American nation?
What if God developed a slow-growing cancer from the OT burnt offerings that sent smoke ascending to his domain, and he's determined to take everyone with him when he goes?
What if God started into senility at the age of a jillion and forty, and now has to use two hands to hold a cup of water, unless he really thinks about it?
Did I cover all the What Ifs?
No, here's the last one.
What if God does have a sense of humor, like the pastor on the corner says, but it's expressed as uproarious laughter at Pauly Shore movies?
Done.