ideologyhunter
Contributor
(There being no way to make this account comply with today's PC standards, I gave up at the start.)
I've been reading about St. Ursula and the 11,000 virgins, which is now my second-favorite religious tradition (I think I still must give first place to St. Bridget of Sweden, with her vision of the whereabouts of Jesus's foreskin. In this contest, the foreskin vision is a wrap.)
Ursula was a 4th century British (or Romano British) maiden who was promised to marriage to -- well, makes no difference, she died on what was the wildest bridesmaid party of all time. She took along 11,000 British virgins (any Brits reading? Does this number seem possible?), got to Rome, then decided that they should all make a pilgrimage through Europe, because, of course, 11,001 virgins tramping through the backwoods are gonna be safe, right? They got to Cologne, which was then inhabited by throngs of Huns who were reportedly only casually hygienic, and pussy hounds to a man. The Huns let out a lager-fueled roar of id, lust, and every un-PC impulse it is possible to make. Ursula and posse defended their honor by refusing to have anything to do with the atrocious Huns, thereby declaring their synchronism with most women in history, if you leave out people like Ilse Koch and Melania Trump. The Huns shot Ursula with more arrows than necessary and beheaded her 11,000 companions.
Scholars today give no credence to the entire story and point out the many embellishments and variants that have gone into it over the centuries. HOWEVER, for the true believers in Ursula et al., there is a giant church in Cologne called the Basilica of St. Ursula, and the walls of its Golden Chamber are covered with hundreds and hundreds (and a lot more) of bones that are said to be those of the martyred virgins. There, mounted on the walls and lit with golden light, are femurs, shoulder blades, humeri, and armies of ribs, arranged in eye-dazzling zigzags and swirls, some spelling out Latin words. On google you can call up images of those walls, enough images (for me) that I know I don't need to go there in person.
When the aliens come, how are the docents going to explain the life and career of Ursula?
I've been reading about St. Ursula and the 11,000 virgins, which is now my second-favorite religious tradition (I think I still must give first place to St. Bridget of Sweden, with her vision of the whereabouts of Jesus's foreskin. In this contest, the foreskin vision is a wrap.)
Ursula was a 4th century British (or Romano British) maiden who was promised to marriage to -- well, makes no difference, she died on what was the wildest bridesmaid party of all time. She took along 11,000 British virgins (any Brits reading? Does this number seem possible?), got to Rome, then decided that they should all make a pilgrimage through Europe, because, of course, 11,001 virgins tramping through the backwoods are gonna be safe, right? They got to Cologne, which was then inhabited by throngs of Huns who were reportedly only casually hygienic, and pussy hounds to a man. The Huns let out a lager-fueled roar of id, lust, and every un-PC impulse it is possible to make. Ursula and posse defended their honor by refusing to have anything to do with the atrocious Huns, thereby declaring their synchronism with most women in history, if you leave out people like Ilse Koch and Melania Trump. The Huns shot Ursula with more arrows than necessary and beheaded her 11,000 companions.
Scholars today give no credence to the entire story and point out the many embellishments and variants that have gone into it over the centuries. HOWEVER, for the true believers in Ursula et al., there is a giant church in Cologne called the Basilica of St. Ursula, and the walls of its Golden Chamber are covered with hundreds and hundreds (and a lot more) of bones that are said to be those of the martyred virgins. There, mounted on the walls and lit with golden light, are femurs, shoulder blades, humeri, and armies of ribs, arranged in eye-dazzling zigzags and swirls, some spelling out Latin words. On google you can call up images of those walls, enough images (for me) that I know I don't need to go there in person.
When the aliens come, how are the docents going to explain the life and career of Ursula?
