ideologyhunter
Contributor
Ohhhhh, DHL. Let's defend the Bible, but use some tact.
Case in point, when I taught Sunday School, I had these two kids, brother and sister, from a Yuppie family that read books. Anyway, these two monsters had double names, Debbi Jo and Cody Mason, and I really think they came to Sunday School just to work on my last nerve.
One Sunday we were busy crafting papier mache nephilim. Out of the blue Debbi Jo says, "How could these nephilim have babies with human women?"
I calmly said, "Remember, Debbi Jo, Genesis 6:4, the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. Get it?"
She says, "No. One of the first rules of speciation is reproductive isolation. How could nephilim splooge get a woman pregnant?"
Her brother Cody Mason gets into it. "How could a woman have a giant baby anyhow? Wouldn't she blow a gasket in her cooter? Did you see what I did there?"
I took a deep breath, centered myself, and said, "It is obvious that the two of you are ideologically blinded. You are just as stupid as all people who blindly believe what they are told."
Debbi Jo says, "You believe what you're told, and you expect us to believe what you tell us. See what I did there?"
I said, "If you say 'See what I did there' one more time, I swear I'm going to wrap your stupid face in 15,000 layers of papier mache. Now the two of you go report to infant care. Maybe they can stand you."
And they left.
Some weeks later, around Christmas, Cody Mason says, "I have a question. How could some ghost get a woman pregnant, even in the hill country? Are you saying that ghosts have balls?"
I said, "This is a faith narrative, and I have studied it for 35 years, which is longer than you have lived. Also, define 'balls'. A simple request."
Debbi Jo goes, "Even if there was ghost splooge, it wouldn't work on a woman. Remember when I told you about reproductive isolation? That day that you lost it?"
Cody Mason says, "Even if a ghost had balls and splooge, if he's using it on some uneducated virgin girl, isn't that date rape? See what I did there?"
I clenched my fists -- hard -- took an extremely deep breath, and said, "Piss off, twats. You are so blind in your ideological fixations that you can't understand the simplest concept. I know what I know despite what you say, and that's knowledge, because I don't believe a word you said. You have failed my class, both of you."
Debbi Jo says, "This isn't for a grade anyhow. No one gets grades in Sunday School."
I sent them both to infant care. This was a month or so before I was voted Sunday School Teacher of the Century. But you couldn't get me to teach that class these days. Kids!! Whattaya gonna do?
Case in point, when I taught Sunday School, I had these two kids, brother and sister, from a Yuppie family that read books. Anyway, these two monsters had double names, Debbi Jo and Cody Mason, and I really think they came to Sunday School just to work on my last nerve.
One Sunday we were busy crafting papier mache nephilim. Out of the blue Debbi Jo says, "How could these nephilim have babies with human women?"
I calmly said, "Remember, Debbi Jo, Genesis 6:4, the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. Get it?"
She says, "No. One of the first rules of speciation is reproductive isolation. How could nephilim splooge get a woman pregnant?"
Her brother Cody Mason gets into it. "How could a woman have a giant baby anyhow? Wouldn't she blow a gasket in her cooter? Did you see what I did there?"
I took a deep breath, centered myself, and said, "It is obvious that the two of you are ideologically blinded. You are just as stupid as all people who blindly believe what they are told."
Debbi Jo says, "You believe what you're told, and you expect us to believe what you tell us. See what I did there?"
I said, "If you say 'See what I did there' one more time, I swear I'm going to wrap your stupid face in 15,000 layers of papier mache. Now the two of you go report to infant care. Maybe they can stand you."
And they left.
Some weeks later, around Christmas, Cody Mason says, "I have a question. How could some ghost get a woman pregnant, even in the hill country? Are you saying that ghosts have balls?"
I said, "This is a faith narrative, and I have studied it for 35 years, which is longer than you have lived. Also, define 'balls'. A simple request."
Debbi Jo goes, "Even if there was ghost splooge, it wouldn't work on a woman. Remember when I told you about reproductive isolation? That day that you lost it?"
Cody Mason says, "Even if a ghost had balls and splooge, if he's using it on some uneducated virgin girl, isn't that date rape? See what I did there?"
I clenched my fists -- hard -- took an extremely deep breath, and said, "Piss off, twats. You are so blind in your ideological fixations that you can't understand the simplest concept. I know what I know despite what you say, and that's knowledge, because I don't believe a word you said. You have failed my class, both of you."
Debbi Jo says, "This isn't for a grade anyhow. No one gets grades in Sunday School."
I sent them both to infant care. This was a month or so before I was voted Sunday School Teacher of the Century. But you couldn't get me to teach that class these days. Kids!! Whattaya gonna do?
