The ‘Illiterate Boyfriend’ test

[unapologetic]

The two in the article I didn't recognize are both food--I have been very limited in what I can eat for a very long time, food isn't something I pay a lot of attention to.

So that actually makes it a good test. I too am not a foody. I would not be comfortable with a foody as a long term partner. A foody would not be comfortable with me (or you) as a partner.

I would rather my kids read a comic book than NO BOOK.

I learned to read from comics. More importantly, I learned to ENJOY reading, from comics.

Like does jaguar have two syllables or three?

Two in the US, three in the UK. (and in the EU, where they learn English from the English.)
The word 'controversy' bugs me.
I've seen a few YouTube vids about controversys by a Brit. His pronunciation of the word jars me every time.

but moved on to series fiction (Hardy Boys)

The first actual books I remember reading were Hardy Boys. I had about a dozen of the blue hardcovers. I think they were about $1.50 each.
Inflation is a bitch.