• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

The invention of:

Keith&Co.

Keith&Co.

Contributor
Joined
Mar 31, 2006
Messages
22,444
Location
Far Western Mass
Gender
Here.
Basic Beliefs
I'm here...
The invention of: spears

I wanna stab that guy but I don’t want his icky blood on me


The invention of: archery

I wanna stab that guy but he’s way over there


The invention of: Ballista

I wanna stab that guy but he’s hiding behind a cow
See also, The invention of: Kebabs
 
The invention of: camouflage

I’m gonna wear tree coverings so I can sneak up on deer so I can wear deer coverings
 
The invention of: counting

One, two, three…

What are you doing?

I’m pretending that my fingers are rabbits. That means we caught this many rabbits.

(long pause) Okay, but when you go to eat one, I wanna watch.
 
The invention of doors.

"Hey, I don't like it when animals come into my house and eat my kids"
 
Horseback riding:

I need to get over there in a hurry.

Cavalry:

I wanna stab that guy in a hurry.

Horse archery:

I wanna stab that guy in such a hurry that I don't even have time to go over there.

Chariots:

I want someone else to drive.
 
"I wanna stab a guy."
"Hey, so do I!"
"Me, too!"
"Yeah, me, too."
"Okay, shall we all stab each other?"
"Um... No, that's not as fun. I wanna stab strangers."
"Let's all go look for strangers to stab, then."

Invention: Infantry.
 
The invention of: Berserks
"I wanna stab somebody! ANYBODY! Just... Just... STABBY!"

The invention of: Surgery
I wanna stab somebody, but I want them to ask me to do it to them.

The invention of: Dentistry
I wanna stab somebody in the gums... While I can look them in the eye...
 
"And on this wall, I drew you killing the wolf."
"That's me!"
"I know."
"I killed the wolf!"
"We all know."
"But... There are two hands of hunters. How will new people know that was me, not some other hunter?"
"Well, it's a drawing OF YOU."
"But it looks like everyone else."
"Okay... how about I paint your name up there so everyone will know it's you?"
"You... You can paint the sound of my name?"

Invention: writing
 
Shared this thread with my wife. Her reply:

but funny and a little too much emphasis on the shabby bits

So.....Invention: Human history.
 
One I saw online:

Invention: Glue
"Hey, see that horse? I bet we could melt it down, and make stuff stick to other stuff."
"....Dude, is everything alright at home?"
 
To paraquote Kathleen Turner:
Women have tits. Men want to see them.
Invention: about 90% of the entertainment industry.
 
The invention of religion: I want to hoard all the good stuff!

The invention of comedy: *guy has large rock fall on him* HAW!!!

The invention of women's clothing: I want women to suffer mentally and physically!

The invention of the knife: Man... it'd be so much easier to eat a sandwich if I could cut this loaf into divisions...
 
'We need $900 for the rent. What do we have lying around this dump... a can of bearing grease...packing peanuts....a yellow boa...twine...tacks....the comics section...a banana....Think. THINK!!!'
Invention of: The Art Installation
 
"Is that the guy who's been doing all the stabbing? What's his name?"
"Yes, that's him. His name is Ugg."
"Oh. I know 3 Uggs already. I think I'll just call him Stabby. In fact, everybody should."
Everybody: "Great idea."

The Invention of: Nicknames.
 
"Do you know what your son has been doing?"
"My son?"
"Yes, Stabby, Ugg, YOUR son."

Invention: patronymics
 
Woman: My God, what's this all this on the inside of your trousers?
Man: It's poop.

Invention of toilet paper.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom