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"The Juice"

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Jimmy Higgins

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So anyway, I'm probably a couple years away from colonoscopies and the like, but I have someone in my family that needs a scan and was making with the drinking. And that got me, unfortunately, thinking about what is important in life. Like an SNL sketch with Melissa McCarthy's first day at a hospital on a floor with nothing but people drinking "The Juice". I also came up with an idea of carbonating it.

Regardless, I also was thinking of rebranding the product so it'd sound more exciting and get people into drinking it before their colonoscopies. These are the names I've arrived at so far:

  • Blowhole
  • Rectum Ravenger
  • Jetstream
  • Toilet Tantrum
  • Bathroom Beast
  • The Bum's Rush
  • Porcelain Powerwash
  • Backfire!

Any ideas for the peanut gallery?
 
If you haven't had one before you are in for a really unique experience. I'd call the laxative purge a 'brown shower'.

Having something shoved up your butt for 20 minutes is undignified to say the least.

The good thing is if you get a clean bill of health you can relax a lot. If something is found early it is all treatable.
 
Pre-anal bleaching.

Liquid Roto Rooter.

Power Poo Shifter


Your list reminded me of an image from the birth of the internet, that I haven't been able to find for years. Picture the arms and legs of a skeleton draping out of a toilet bowl. The caption is ''Agarol, the gentle laxative.''
 
steve_bank said:
If you haven't had one before you are in for a really unique experience. I'd call the laxative purge a 'brown shower'.

Having something shoved up your butt for 20 minutes is undignified to say the least.

The good thing is if you get a clean bill of health you can relax a lot. If something is found early it is all treatable.
Click to expand...

A colonoscopy is generally done under anesthesia.

Are you perhaps thinking of a flexible sigmoidoscopy? Same idea but it only goes in as far as the first corner, no anesthesia.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
steve_bank said:
If you haven't had one before you are in for a really unique experience. I'd call the laxative purge a 'brown shower'.

Having something shoved up your butt for 20 minutes is undignified to say the least.

The good thing is if you get a clean bill of health you can relax a lot. If something is found early it is all treatable.
Click to expand...

A colonoscopy is generally done under anesthesia.

Are you perhaps thinking of a flexible sigmoidoscopy? Same idea but it only goes in as far as the first corner, no anesthesia.
Click to expand...

All the way through. I had one last year. I did not use any drugs. There is little pain. They administer meds to keep you relaxed so you do not panic with a TV camera up your ass.

The drug they wanted to use was phenomenal and I questioned the application of such a strong drug, and said no drugs. I grinned and bared it like a real man should.
 
I've had a bunch of them. Colonoscopy and the stomach end.

My understanding is that you are conscious throughout but they give you a drug that stops you laying down memories, so that nothing of the procedure stays with you.

I was fine with that until the next but last one. They seemed to be treating me differently. I fear I may have said/done something.
 
spikepipsqueak said:
I've had a bunch of them. Colonoscopy and the stomach end.

My understanding is that you are conscious throughout but they give you a drug that stops you laying down memories, so that nothing of the procedure stays with you.

I was fine with that until the next but last one. They seemed to be treating me differently. I fear I may have said/done something.
Click to expand...

Propofol puts you out, it doesn't just mess with your memories. Some people are scared of it because it's what killed Michael Jackson but that's because it was misused. It has the known side effect of occasionally stopping your breathing--but that's why an anesthesiologist is mandatory when using it. They're prepared to use a ventilator if need be, it's no big deal. Without that constant monitoring it's a very big deal.

Likewise, the big judgment against the company from the mess in Las Vegas wasn't due to any danger of the drug. They lost that case because they weren't allowed to present a defense. They provided it in vials a doctor could misuse, nothing more.
 
Let us know how it all comes out...heee haw.
 
Brown Bomber.

Number 2 brew.

Drop Pop.

Boom Boom Flume.

Rectal Nectar.

... and I can't believe this wasn't in your list to begin with... Deuce juice.
 
Product names are supposed to make you feel good about--or take your mind off of--what is about to happen to you as a result of the product. With that in mind:

  • Turbo Flo
  • Relaxi Crack
  • Pro-Lapse
  • Expellorate
  • Organic Slide
  • Chocolate Swirlees
  • Happy Crapper
  • Pull My Finger
  • Assault-a-Bowl
  • Thru-a-Goose
  • Purgetol
  • Heads Up!
 
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