What do you say to a conservative Muslim colleague when you find his culture ridiculous?

[Metaphor]

A colleague in my team at work is a young man originally from Iraq, who is an observant and conservative Muslim.

Today, he was speaking about his wedding plans. His wife is from the Dubai, and that's where the wedding will be.

Apparently, it will be an 'orthodox' Muslim wedding. At what I guess you'd call the reception, the men will be in one room, with the groom (my colleague) front and centre. His wife will be in another room, with the female wedding guests. They need to be segregated because all the women will be veiled during the ceremony, but at the reception they obviously want to take the veils off. But they can only do that in an all-female crowd.

The reception will have no music and no dancing.

I was told I'd be able to see 'some' of the photos from the occasion (the ones showing men and veiled women only). Women would be allowed to see the photos of the unveiled women.

I stayed silent through most of this. He is a smart and friendly guy. But I could not help but be amazed at such a ridiculous, misogynistic wedding event. Now, I'm not a heterosexual man, but were I heterosexual, I'd imagine I'd want my wife at my side during my wedding celebration, not in another room enflaming the lusts of bisexual and lesbian women.

I was not invited, but I would never attend such a wedding. Would you?

 

[barbos]

I am sorry to hear that.

 

[repoman]

If it is a colleague you better stifle yourself.

 

[faded_Glory]

Your colleague sounds very conservative indeed. During my time in Egypt I have been to a couple of Muslim weddings. I got invited to one that was held in a hotel I was staying, by just noticing the proceedings from the corridor as I walked by, and some guys came up to me and invited me in with big smiles. Some of the ladies were veiled, but not all, it seemed to be a matter of personal preference. There was plenty of music, very loud too, and dancing. No alcohol obviously, but that didn't stop them from having a great time. I did not feel out of place, apart from the fact that I didn't know anyone there!

A junior member of my team in Egypt was Libyan, and when he got married I was invited to come to Libya and attend. This was shortly after Gadaffi was ousted. It felt a bit risky to go there so I had to decline, which was a shame because he was a nice young man and I liked him, and it would have been interesting to attend.

If I was invited to a wedding along the lines you mention, I would let my response depend on the strength of my relation with the colleague. If I worked with him closely and we had a a good working relation, I would consider going because he probably invited me as a sign of his friendship. For me, the customs of his culture would not stop me from doing my part in making this a happy occasion for him and his wife. If he invited me to just to make up the numbers, I would decline. Just as I would do for any wedding, really.

fG

 

[whichphilosophy]

A colleague in my team at work is a young man originally from Iraq, who is an observant and conservative Muslim.

Today, he was speaking about his wedding plans. His wife is from the Dubai, and that's where the wedding will be.

Apparently, it will be an 'orthodox' Muslim wedding. At what I guess you'd call the reception, the men will be in one room, with the groom (my colleague) front and centre. His wife will be in another room, with the female wedding guests. They need to be segregated because all the women will be veiled during the ceremony, but at the reception they obviously want to take the veils off. But they can only do that in an all-female crowd.

The reception will have no music and no dancing.

I was told I'd be able to see 'some' of the photos from the occasion (the ones showing men and veiled women only). Women would be allowed to see the photos of the unveiled women.

I stayed silent through most of this. He is a smart and friendly guy. But I could not help but be amazed at such a ridiculous, misogynistic wedding event. Now, I'm not a heterosexual man, but were I heterosexual, I'd imagine I'd want my wife at my side during my wedding celebration, not in another room enflaming the lusts of bisexual and lesbian women.

I was not invited, but I would never attend such a wedding. Would you?

I may attend such a wedding if invited. What's the problem? This is just a different culture, though at most Arab weddings there is indeed music.

 

[Juma]

A colleague in my team at work is a young man originally from Iraq, who is an observant and conservative Muslim.

Today, he was speaking about his wedding plans. His wife is from the Dubai, and that's where the wedding will be.

Apparently, it will be an 'orthodox' Muslim wedding. At what I guess you'd call the reception, the men will be in one room, with the groom (my colleague) front and centre. His wife will be in another room, with the female wedding guests. They need to be segregated because all the women will be veiled during the ceremony, but at the reception they obviously want to take the veils off. But they can only do that in an all-female crowd.

The reception will have no music and no dancing.

I was told I'd be able to see 'some' of the photos from the occasion (the ones showing men and veiled women only). Women would be allowed to see the photos of the unveiled women.

I stayed silent through most of this. He is a smart and friendly guy. But I could not help but be amazed at such a ridiculous, misogynistic wedding event. Now, I'm not a heterosexual man, but were I heterosexual, I'd imagine I'd want my wife at my side during my wedding celebration, not in another room enflaming the lusts of bisexual and lesbian women.

I was not invited, but I would never attend such a wedding. Would you?

I may attend such a wedding if invited. What's the problem? This is just a different culture, though at most Arab weddings there is indeed music.

If so it is a shitty culture indeed.
But I would say it is not a culture. It is a custom. A deeply disturbing custom.

 

[Metaphor]

A colleague in my team at work is a young man originally from Iraq, who is an observant and conservative Muslim.

Today, he was speaking about his wedding plans. His wife is from the Dubai, and that's where the wedding will be.

Apparently, it will be an 'orthodox' Muslim wedding. At what I guess you'd call the reception, the men will be in one room, with the groom (my colleague) front and centre. His wife will be in another room, with the female wedding guests. They need to be segregated because all the women will be veiled during the ceremony, but at the reception they obviously want to take the veils off. But they can only do that in an all-female crowd.

The reception will have no music and no dancing.

I was told I'd be able to see 'some' of the photos from the occasion (the ones showing men and veiled women only). Women would be allowed to see the photos of the unveiled women.

I stayed silent through most of this. He is a smart and friendly guy. But I could not help but be amazed at such a ridiculous, misogynistic wedding event. Now, I'm not a heterosexual man, but were I heterosexual, I'd imagine I'd want my wife at my side during my wedding celebration, not in another room enflaming the lusts of bisexual and lesbian women.

I was not invited, but I would never attend such a wedding. Would you?

I may attend such a wedding if invited. What's the problem? This is just a different culture, though at most Arab weddings there is indeed music.

Well the very first problem is that, as a gay man, I wouldn't go to Dubai for love nor money.

 

[barbos]

Does he know you are gay?

 

[Metaphor]

Does he know you are gay?

I have not been invited to this wedding. It was planned before I even knew him, and nobody from our team is invited.

The conflict is not about my reluctance to go after being invited. It's the strange relationship I have where I find him an affable and intelligent young man, but I also think he is basically scary crazy.

I don't know whether he knows about my sexual orientation. I've never told him directly.

 

[barbos]

Does he know you are gay?

I have not been invited to this wedding. It was planned before I even knew him, and nobody from our team is invited.

The conflict is not about my reluctance to go after being invited. It's the strange relationship I have where I find him an affable and intelligent young man, but I also think he is basically scary crazy.

I don't know whether he knows about my sexual orientation. I've never told him directly.

Well, that San Bernardino guy married a women from SA before killing his coworkers. Dubai is less crazy than Saudi Arabia but if I were you i would start entertaining an idea of changing job. What are you doing anyway?

 

[untermensche]

How exactly does this harm anyone or is it the business of anyone besides the people getting married?

Should I next go and try to slap old Christian woman out of their delusions?

 

[Bar-Jesus]

sure , why not

 

[whichphilosophy]

I may attend such a wedding if invited. What's the problem? This is just a different culture, though at most Arab weddings there is indeed music.

If so it is a shitty culture indeed.
But I would say it is not a culture. It is a custom. A deeply disturbing custom.

The men are separate from the women. We may not agree but how is this harmful. The original post made assumptions but nothing more than that. So can we say Hassidic Jews are also a sinister culture for the same thing. Can we say a stag night is sinister or likewise a hen night?

- - - Updated - - -

sure , why not

Why so?

 

[Bar-Jesus]

Because religious delusions cause many problems indeed -or do you think throwing people off tall buildings for being gay is fine?

 

[untermensche]

Because religious delusions cause many problems indeed -or do you think throwing people off tall buildings for being gay is fine?

Is anybody doing that or advocating that in this scenario?

Harassing or trying to foist the crimes of others on this coworker will not make any problems go away.

It might create one though.

So, why not?

 

[JonA]

Your colleague sounds very conservative indeed. During my time in Egypt I have been to a couple of Muslim weddings. I got invited to one that was held in a hotel I was staying, by just noticing the proceedings from the corridor as I walked by, and some guys came up to me and invited me in with big smiles. Some of the ladies were veiled, but not all, it seemed to be a matter of personal preference. There was plenty of music, very loud too, and dancing. No alcohol obviously, but that didn't stop them from having a great time. I did not feel out of place, apart from the fact that I didn't know anyone there!

How do you know it was a Muslim wedding?

 

[JonA]

I would say it is not a culture. It is a custom.

How the fuck do you define 'culture'?

 

[Juma]

I would say it is not a culture. It is a custom.

How the fuck do you define 'culture'?

Something more than a wedding ritual..

 

[Bar-Jesus]

The more of these people you let into the country, as well as those from other barbarous regions, then the more of this shit will go down in your nation.

 

[bigfield]

How the fuck do you define 'culture'?

Something more than a wedding ritual..

Wedding rituals are an element of a culture. As are all customs.

Segregated wedding ceremonies, like the one described in the OP, are an element of Middle-Eastern Islamic culture. As is the insistence on hiding women's faces.

What is culture if not a collection of beliefs and practices?