Toni
Contributor
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2011
- Messages
- 22,374
- Basic Beliefs
- Peace on Earth, goodwill towards all
Everyone has a right to safety and dignity. Everyone.If girls have more of a right to safety and dignity than boys, then boys have less of a right to safety and dignity than girls.Where did I say they didn’t?
Where it gets tricky is that girls and women are conditioned—for centuries! to fear or at least be suspicious of male appearing bodies, especially in intimate spaces. One of the biggest ways girls and women are/have been so conditioned is through rape, threat of rape, enforced virginity which, if lost, makes you fair game for rape, forced pregnancy and huge amounts of slut shaming. This is an ugly ugly ugly truth designed to cover up the fact that rape is an act of violence and not of lust. This is true no matter who the victim and who the perpetrator. Also to control women and to ensure they don’t ’get out of line.’
That conditioning is the reason that most of the women who object to ( pre-surgical) trans women in women’s restrooms and locker rooms. Of course some are just bigots but the absolute fact is that the unexpected appearance of a naked body in a space where you expect to see only persons whose bodies look like your sex/gender will provoke a fear and/or anger response especially if you have been the victim of sexual assault.
Of course that is unfair to trans individuals who are just trying to live their best lives. It is also unfair to victims of sexual assault who are just trying to live their best lives.
I was talking not that long ago with a young man who talked about how offensive it was that when he first invited a woman who later became his girlfriend to his home, she insisted on bringing a friend—as if he might harm her! Which, of course he would not! But imagine needing to live your life that way: never being quite certain if that nice guy is really a nice guy or is hiding some not very nice proclivities behind a ‘nice guy’ veneer. Much more common than we’d like to think.
I think it is wrong to label every woman who is not enthusiastically welcoming to naked pre-surgical trans women in the shower next to her as a bigot. It’s much more likely that she has been victimized.
BTW, that right to dignity and safety includes all people, of whatever gender or sex or sexual orientation or presentation. Men and boys deserve that as much as girls and women and so do trans or intersex individuals and anyone in the LGBTQIA community.
Ideally this would be of no concern. But ideally, sexual assault would never be a concern, either. And no: you cannot tell by looking who is ‘safe’ and who is not. Unfortunately. Men may not get this, but it’s more than just a little rich for men to tell women that they just have to put up with penises in the shower next to them. Because, it’s men that cause the fear in the first place.
So a bit of grace all around is called for as well as cool heads and creative minds to come up with solutions that ensure safety and dignity for all.