ideologyhunter
Contributor
I really should read the entire Bible -- I keep finding new stories that get very little attention from the believers, for obvious reasons. My text this morning is from Judges, that rich fund of crazy that gives us the story of Jephthah's faith in Chapter 11. Chapter 19 gives us the playboy traveling with his mistress -- she somehow gets raped to death by a band of homosexual hooligans, and by the end of the chapter her corpse is in 12 pieces for easier packing.
ANYWAY... Judges 7 has a less garish but pleasingly loopy story that only a very creative preacher would use for his/her sermon. Paraphrasing: Gideon's army is encamped & ready to fight the Midianites. God has been egging them on. He's on a conversational basis with Gideon and has promised that Gideon will crush the Midianites. But God says there are too many Israelites, and it's a problem because as things stand they will win a lopsided victory and therefore God will not get the proper credit (7:2.) Gideon is instructed to announce that anyone who is scared should go home. He does, and there are 22,000 fraidy cats who leave. 10,000 are left, but this is still way too many for God, who must get the glory.
God sets forth a second winnowing plan. Gideon will take his army down to the water and have every man drink from it. He must note how each man drinks. Those who cup the water in their hands will be sent home. Those who put their faces down the water "as a dog lappeth" (KJV) will stay to fight. So everyone drinks and somehow Gideon takes note of it all. 9700 cup their hands to drink. 300 do it doggy style.
Next day, Gideon's 300 men blow trumpets and hold up torches, and this somehow terrorizes the Midianites. God compels the Midianites to attack each other, which makes the trumpets and torches less than critical. Then the Midianites take off running, and a lot of chasing and killing ensues.
This tale is so randomly crazy. No wonder it's not better known. Can you imagine a preacher offering this to a congregation? Or a Sunday school teacher getting this past the scrutiny of a child? You'd really need to remind the child that the Bible is not to be questioned!
There are reasonable people I know who are (my guess) social Christians, in it for the company and the family tradition, and I would love to know their reaction to this kind of Bible malarkey (and obviously there are far worse texts -- Exodus 12 and Numbers 16 should really winnow out all but the most irrational theists.)
I love the business about lapping like a dog -- and that those are the guys who get to stay and win God the glory. Now we will pass the offering plate.
ANYWAY... Judges 7 has a less garish but pleasingly loopy story that only a very creative preacher would use for his/her sermon. Paraphrasing: Gideon's army is encamped & ready to fight the Midianites. God has been egging them on. He's on a conversational basis with Gideon and has promised that Gideon will crush the Midianites. But God says there are too many Israelites, and it's a problem because as things stand they will win a lopsided victory and therefore God will not get the proper credit (7:2.) Gideon is instructed to announce that anyone who is scared should go home. He does, and there are 22,000 fraidy cats who leave. 10,000 are left, but this is still way too many for God, who must get the glory.
God sets forth a second winnowing plan. Gideon will take his army down to the water and have every man drink from it. He must note how each man drinks. Those who cup the water in their hands will be sent home. Those who put their faces down the water "as a dog lappeth" (KJV) will stay to fight. So everyone drinks and somehow Gideon takes note of it all. 9700 cup their hands to drink. 300 do it doggy style.
Next day, Gideon's 300 men blow trumpets and hold up torches, and this somehow terrorizes the Midianites. God compels the Midianites to attack each other, which makes the trumpets and torches less than critical. Then the Midianites take off running, and a lot of chasing and killing ensues.
This tale is so randomly crazy. No wonder it's not better known. Can you imagine a preacher offering this to a congregation? Or a Sunday school teacher getting this past the scrutiny of a child? You'd really need to remind the child that the Bible is not to be questioned!
There are reasonable people I know who are (my guess) social Christians, in it for the company and the family tradition, and I would love to know their reaction to this kind of Bible malarkey (and obviously there are far worse texts -- Exodus 12 and Numbers 16 should really winnow out all but the most irrational theists.)
I love the business about lapping like a dog -- and that those are the guys who get to stay and win God the glory. Now we will pass the offering plate.