Christian “Prophetess”: To Celebrate Kavanaugh, Aborted Babies Partied in Heaven

[phands]

Is there any doubt left that xtianity is brain-rotting crap????

Kat Kerr, the self-proclaimed Christian “Prophetess,” who thinks Heaven is home to cows driving tractors and a city made entirely out of Jell-O, told a church over the weekend about the party God threw after Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in to the Supreme Court.


Everyone who’s anyone was there. Or not… giving that the guest list included millions of unborn fetuses.


She made the comments at River Rock Church in Reno, Nevada.




“God picked [Kavanaugh] like he picked Trump and he kept telling me, ‘I don’t care what they say, he is sitting on the Supreme Court and he is going to wipe out Roe v. Wade,’” Kerr said. “He kept showing me, letting me see all of these millions of babies who had been aborted that are in heaven, they sang and celebrated. They celebrated as they were saying, ‘Yes, he is going to sit on the Supreme Court.’”


“Today, they had a party in heaven,” Kerr added, “and they celebrated that other babies being conceived in the womb one day will never have to fear their lives being taken and they’ll get to complete their destiny on this earth. So there was a big party in heaven today because of that.”

http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/...e-kavanaugh-aborted-babies-partied-in-heaven/

 

[Angry Floof]

She'll have a job in the White House any day now. I was about to suggest that Jimmy Higgins write up a Poe article about it, but his Poe stories seem to be coming true lately.

 

[Keith&Co.]

so, aborted babies ARE in Heaven, she says.

So then what's so wrong about abortion?

 

[Tom Sawyer]

so, aborted babies ARE in Heaven, she says.

So then what's so wrong about abortion?

Ya, if 100% of them get an eternity of bliss in Paradise as opposed to less than 100% who would get that after they make poor choices with their free will, aborting babies and murdering children would seem to be the optimal strategy for anyone who actually cares about people.

Technical question, though. Do they remain fetuses in the afterlife like that piece of Voldemort's soul in the last Harry Potter movie or do they grow up and become adults? Is there an awkward teenaged phase where they get all emo and complain about how much Heaven sucks and listen to Satanic rock 'n' roll music just to try and shock the adults?

 

[Keith&Co.]

Do they remain fetuses in the afterlife

Well, the report is that they partied. That implies the ability to understand party etiquette. And the role of the Supreme Court, the importance of Roe vs. Wade, all that. Some of my wife's high school students don't understand all of that.

where they get all emo and complain about how much Heaven sucks and listen to Satanic rock 'n' roll music just to try and shock the adults?

Well, The Books promises that if you're saved, you get a spiritual governor installed that prevents you from sinning afterwards. So if they're in Heaven, definitively 'saved,' they must have the override in place.

 

[phands]

Isn't there another twisted contortion of xtianity that means unbaptised babies go to Limbo? The utterly fucked-up idea of original sin?

 

[Keith&Co.]

Isn't there another twisted contortion of xtianity that means unbaptised babies go to Limbo? The utterly fucked-up idea of original sin?

Limbo was invented by French philosophers, to solve the difficulty of innocent souls entering the afterlife, unsaved but through no fault of their own.

It was popular, but never actually RCC dogma. They recently came out and made it clear, Not Part Of Our Faith.

Like the Age of Accountability, which is also not biblical, it's something people tell themselves to feel better about some nasty facts of religion.

 

[atrib]

so, aborted babies ARE in Heaven, she says.

So then what's so wrong about abortion?

If a lot of unborn fetuses end up in heaven, fewer people get thrown into hell. That is bad for business, both from an economic point of view (a lot of souls are needed to keep the fires burning and justify the cost of keeping the place running), and from a point of view of morale (heaven becomes less exclusive, and the people who had to work hard to get there start to get disgruntled, while the workers in hell start to get laid off because of a drop in business volume). Plus, if unborn fetuses make it to heaven as unborn fetuses, they are not able to take care of themselves, and god has to spend more money on the care and maintenance of all these helpless fetuses for all eternity. God only knows how much god has to pay out each year for comprehensive health coverage for all the people in heaven, and adding more people to the pool impacts his bottom line.

Stop abortions to save heaven from turning into a broke, socialist shithole.That is the platform god is running on this year, and I hear reelection is going to be tough.

 

[Angry Floof]

so, aborted babies ARE in Heaven, she says.

So then what's so wrong about abortion?

If a lot of unborn fetuses end up in heaven, fewer people get thrown into hell. That is bad for business, both from an economic point of view (a lot of souls are needed to keep the fires burning and justify the cost of keeping the place running), and from a point of view of morale (heaven becomes less exclusive, and the people who had to work hard to get there start to get disgruntled, while the workers in hell start to get laid off because of a drop in business volume). Plus, if unborn fetuses make it to heaven as unborn fetuses, they are not able to take care of themselves, and god has to spend more money on the care and maintenance of all these helpless fetuses for all eternity. God only knows how much god has to pay out each year for comprehensive health coverage for all the people in heaven, and adding more people to the pool impacts his bottom line.

Stop abortions to save heaven from turning into a broke, socialist shithole.That is the platform god is running on this year, and I hear reelection is going to be tough.

I might spread that bolded part around. Someone will end up making it a protest sign somewhere.

On second thought, is it okay if I share the whole thing on Facebook?

 

[atrib]

so, aborted babies ARE in Heaven, she says.

So then what's so wrong about abortion?

If a lot of unborn fetuses end up in heaven, fewer people get thrown into hell. That is bad for business, both from an economic point of view (a lot of souls are needed to keep the fires burning and justify the cost of keeping the place running), and from a point of view of morale (heaven becomes less exclusive, and the people who had to work hard to get there start to get disgruntled, while the workers in hell start to get laid off because of a drop in business volume). Plus, if unborn fetuses make it to heaven as unborn fetuses, they are not able to take care of themselves, and god has to spend more money on the care and maintenance of all these helpless fetuses for all eternity. God only knows how much god has to pay out each year for comprehensive health coverage for all the people in heaven, and adding more people to the pool impacts his bottom line.

Stop abortions to save heaven from turning into a broke, socialist shithole.That is the platform god is running on this year, and I hear reelection is going to be tough.

I might spread that bolded part around. Someone will end up making it a protest sign somewhere.

On second thought, is it okay if I share the whole thing on Facebook?

Absolutely! Share it anywhere you like.

 

[Angry Floof]

 

[Underseer]

Did the aborted babies party in heaven by raping high school sluts? Don't worry, the sluts secretly wanted to be rape, so rape isn't a bad thing. Rape is only bad when Mexicans or transgendered people do it and we need an excuse to do something horrible to them, like keep them out of public bathrooms or keep their children in dog kennels in toddler concentration camps. Then rape is a bad thing rather than something that should be rewarded with a seat on the Supreme Court.

 

[FwL]

I can't even begin to fathom how dull a party in heaven would be. Add aborted fetus souls to the mix and my brain goes numb.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I can't even begin to fathom how dull a party in heaven would be. Add aborted fetus souls to the mix and my brain goes numb.

Well, it's Heaven. Wouldn't every party there be, by definition, the best and most perfect party it's possible to have?

Now, how that would work without having strippers there, I can't say, but I'm not omniscient so I'm fine accepting my limitations in what I'd be able to comprehend.

 

[ideologyhunter]

I suggest the following experiment, to simulate heaven on earth.
1) Find an amusement park ride collector with a Rotor Ride.
2) Get inside with an assortment of Precious Moment dolls -- especially the ones that are angels.
3) Sound system "Keep It Comin Love" by KC and the Sunshine Band.
4) Start the ride but maintain top speed for much longer than usual -- 30 minutes and beyond.
5) Record one's visions and sensations by screaming them above the music.
If this is not a fair model for partyin' in heaven with abortees, I don't know what it is.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Well, if it's my grandfather's heavenly concept, there's a big bay window looking out into the lake of fire, and the party-goers can watch the strippers writhing in the flames.

Maybe the aborted babies can toss their mothers and their abortionists down into the lake.

 

[FwL]

I can't even begin to fathom how dull a party in heaven would be. Add aborted fetus souls to the mix and my brain goes numb.

Well, it's Heaven. Wouldn't every party there be, by definition, the best and most perfect party it's possible to have?

Now, how that would work without having strippers there, I can't say, but I'm not omniscient so I'm fine accepting my limitations in what I'd be able to comprehend.

I'm imagining sitting around drinking cream soda and listening to Pat Boone records. Every break between songs somebody testifies how wonderful it is to be in the presence of the lord. Everybody sings hallelujah at the top of their lungs and shares a christian side hug with their nearest neighbor and smiles. Lots of smiling.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I can't even begin to fathom how dull a party in heaven would be. Add aborted fetus souls to the mix and my brain goes numb.

Well, it's Heaven. Wouldn't every party there be, by definition, the best and most perfect party it's possible to have?

Now, how that would work without having strippers there, I can't say, but I'm not omniscient so I'm fine accepting my limitations in what I'd be able to comprehend.

I'm imagining sitting around drinking cream soda and listening to Pat Boone records. Every break between songs somebody testifies how wonderful it is to be in the presence of the lord. Everybody sings hallelujah at the top of their lungs and shares a christian side hug with their nearest neighbor and smiles. Lots of smiling.

What happens if you don't smile enough? I remember there was an old Twilight Zone episode where this magic kid turned people into scarecrows or something if they didn't look happy enough when he walked past. If somebody pops up during their testimony and says "Hey, we've been doing the same thing here for the past 18 million years. Do you think we could listen to some Zeppelin or something as a change of pace?" does God toss them over the edge and down into Hell?

 

[FwL]

Yep. Straight to hell. You get to be in charge of selecting the next Pat Boone anthology.