View attachment 29506
This is the writer of the article.
Just to add to what I said earlier, if she's my date, then I'm taking her beliefs in astrology seriously. I literally, actually am.
Imagined conversation:
Her: 'What's your birthday?'
Me: 'April 27th, why'?
Her: 'A Taurus.'
Me: 'Yes, and you?'
This is not dating rocket science, guys.
Exactly. There is the self interest part (see ruby sparks above) and then there's just human kindness. If you feel that you must discount another person because they hold some irrational belief that you don't share, then it seems to me that speaks of arrogance and ignorance. We all hold irrational beliefs that others do not.
OK, so a guy can play along for the sake of keeping the peace, but if the relationship continues for some length of time, won't there at some point be a time when the house of cards has to collapse? And he's likely to get a mouthful of vitriol for being deceptive through out the relationship, will he not?
Kinda reminds of the time I was dating a girl I really liked. She was cute, shapely, down to earth, outdoorsy and easy going...stuff I like. She liked country music, however, and it was not my thing. And in fact, I had a long history joking with friends about country music and their fans. But, I didn't let on that I wasn't a fan and would engage in small talk with her about it (as much as I could get away with anyway). One time she told me she went to see country music star Tracy Byrd over the weekend with one of her girl friends. Like the supporting dumbass I was, I said, "Oh yeah, I like her...she's really great!". She gave me a cold stare and said, "Tracy Byrd is a guy!". After some discussion, I finally had to admit I knew next to nothing about CM, and that I had been playing along the whole time. She was not happy. So there's that.
Sure, there's that. And then there's simply allowing the other person to have their own interests that you don't happen to share.
I've mentioned that my husband's major academic field of interest was not at all interesting to me. I actually just edited myself because early in our relationship, it was of zero interest to me and in fact, we had major arguments about the validity of some of the principles of his field. My field, biology, is also of little interest to him and in fact, if I talk about the blood and guts of things, he still gets a little green around the gills, so to speak. But over the years, I've become relatively conversant with many of the principles of his field and he, in turn, actually knows what his medical tests mean or, if he doesn't, how to look it up and will check with me. We've even found some overlap in how our disciplines view things.
More colloquially, our music tastes really do differ. He grew up listening to classical music and opera and I grew up hearing a lot of country western music. Neither of us much likes the music we grew up with--we are much more rock fans, as are most of our generation--but very different types of rock. He also likes jazz, which I've come to appreciate if sticking to more classical rather than experimental jazz. But there's a pretty narrow overlap of what we both like and enjoy.
He likes baseball and soccer. I'm not at all interested, although I did pick up some soccer when our kids played and can have a general conversation with Americans (who generally don't know much about soccer) without being complete idiot.
I love literature and art and going to museums and photography and science. He likes.. history and mysteries for recreational reading.
He's a city boy, through and through. I grew up in a small town, with my parents the first generation off of the farm and both sets of grandparents and my favorite aunt and uncle still on the farm (although all have passed and none of the cousins followed the tradition).
You'd think we have nothing at all in common or to talk about, but we do. I used to have to work very hard at not showing my eye rolls whenever he and his buddies got together to watch/discuss sports or worse: their shared field of study. He used to make fun of my soap opera watching habits (it helped me keep track of the time when I was doing laundry in the building next door). Oddly enough, I know a bit about the sports he likes and his field of expertise. Stranger still, he knows a bit about the soaps I watched(decades ago) (that my mother and grandmother also watched) and notices when one of the actors shows up in a Law and Order episode.
We don't pretend to like something the other person likes. We also don't ridicule each other (beyond a little fond teasing now and then) for the stupid things the other person likes or did like. And yes, I am equating soaps with baseball.
The point is that we like each other as people, which is far beyond what interests we share. Sure, there's the sex part and at this point in our shared lives, a lot of shared history. But we genuinely like each other. After all, we both dated other people and were sexually attracted to/active with other people before we started seeing one another. On paper, maybe some of those people would have been better matches. But they weren't. On my side, those other guys, with whom I shared more of the same taste in music and literature and who grew up more similarly to the way I grew up---well, it was just not something that was going to work out.
As I write this, I think of my closest friends and realize that while there are a few shared interests and at this point in our lives, a lot of shared history, we also like many and very different things. Yes, there's the shared history that means we don't have to go through hours and hours of backstory: we know each other. But honestly, they're really good people, who are smart and funny and kind--and we don't get nearly enough time together but when we do, it's hours and hours and hours of conversation. We can be open and honest with one another, without fear of being judged silly or bad or wrong--and we trust each other to call us out on our shit--and let's face it. All of us have shit that we need to be called out on. We like each other and we trust each other. We know each other. Really, really know each other, warts and all.
When I think of when these friendships formed, I know that there were other friends with whom one could argue I had much more in common--yet it is these very different friends with whom I bonded. Not because we are so alike or because we share the same interests or perspectives. But because we like and trust each other.
