When America had censorship laws we weren't the serial killer capitol of earth. In fact, back in Bob Hope's younger days, when you didn't even hear "fuck" on TV or the radio, I don't recall serial killers in America, which is remarkable because I used to read an encyclopedia of Serial killers. I can't think of one back then but I'm probably wrong.
Why did I read an encyclopedia of Serial killers?
I grew up in a leftist liberal household with porn readily available. I was exposed to porn age 8. I wasn't a sexual pervert prior to that.
Immediately I became obsessed with objectifying, disrespecting, and degrading women. A year later I was having violent fantasies. By age ten I was having serial killer fantasies.
By age 12 I was a sociopath with a criminal record (though I have never committed a sexual offense, in my heart I was a mass murderer. I am without a doubt pornography was what fucked me up because of how quickly I became perverted right after exposure to it, and how innocent I was prior to that.)
Because back in the day serial killers weren't caught. Forensic techniques weren't good enough to track them down or even identify victims as connected. The problem with serial killers is that their victims are often spread out over a large area with no connection to the killer. It was just easy to get away with it. That's why the concept of serial killers is a modern one. Or they could become mercenaries and fight in wars. Back in the day one of the perks of being a soldier was all the raping you were allowed to do.
I recommend the book "Better angels of our nature" by Stephen Pinker. He goes through the development of violence in society and how it's steadily been declining throughout history. That includes violent sexual crime.
What has changed is societies honesty about what is going on. People are speaking up and sharing the thoughts in their heads. If they had done that earlier we would have known about it earlier.
The torturers in Fascist Italy did horrific and degrading things to the political prisoners. They didn't have any accessible porn to help motivate their cruelty and sexual perversions. They found it within them anyway. Somehow. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I think you read an encyclopedia of serial killers because you are a normal person. It's normal to be attracted by what is taboo. It's fascinating. All people need to introspect and think about if they are or aren't serial killers and why. We all need to understand why we would or wouldn't do certain things. Reading about that which is extreme or taboo helps us understand ourselves.
Men fantasizing about objectifying, disrespecting, and degrading women I also think is normal for the above reasons. It's only fantasies. It's harmless. Normal people have no problem with telling fantasy from fiction.
When people have mental problems it's tempting to blame it on a trauma early in life. I'm not saying it can't be true. But that's the old Freudian model for understanding psychology. Modern psychology is a bit more sophisticated. Human behaviour is complex and we can do strange things for seemingly unconnected reaasons. I think you have created a simply story to explain the trouble you had as a kid.
I too thought I was a sadistic psycho potential rapist when I was a teenager. Until I lost my virginity. When I learned that all those things I thought were unspeakably evil and depraved, a lot of women were into. And then over night I thought I was a normal and well adjusted young man.
At no point are children innocent little flowers. We start out evil (narcisistic and self obsessed little psychopaths) and have to be taught to be good. I'm exaggerating for effect. But only slightly. We evolved for surviving naked on the African plains and have instincts to suit that environment. If we were born innocent little flowers our species would have died out a long time ago.
