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a novel poetic form used for trump bashing

Shutdown-Man, Shutdown-Man,
Funds whatever a Shutdown can
Spins a yarn, any size,
Catches flak, just like flies
Look Out!
Here comes the Shutdown-Man.

Is he winning?
Listen bud,
He's got ex-Pres support.
Can he claim emergency powers?
Take a look at his lawyers
Hey, there
There goes the Shutdown-Man.

In his mind, workers rave
Except the Democrats, won't behave.
Like a wall of thick cement
He backs to slats that only dent.

Shutdown-Man, Shutdown-Man
Friendly neighborhood Shutdown-Man
Facts and Figures,
He's ignored
Chaos is his reward.

To him, life is a great big wall up
Wherever there's a whallop
You'll find the Shutdown-Man.
 
Trunp Humor

Humpty Trumpty said México would pay
for a great big wall.
Mexico said no fucking way.
not at all.
If the wall never goes and Trumptey takes a fall,
all his sycophants and hiss ass licking men will never put
Trumpty together again.
 
The Ballad of Cheato

(based on The Ballad of Irving -Frank Gallop)

He was short and fat, and rode into the West
With a wall blueprint held close to his chest
He was mean and nasty right clear through
Which was kinda weird, 'cause he was yellow, too
They called him Cheato
Big Cheato
Big, short Cheato
Big, short, fat Cheato
The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West
He came from the old Mar-A-Lago lands
Built and cleaned by undocumented hands
He always obeyed the rule of crooks
Even on campaign he used two sets of books
Cheato
Big, fat Cheato
Big sissy Cheato
The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West
A hundred and forty-one could draw faster than he
But Cheato was looking for one forty-three
Walked into Congress like a man insane
And ordered three fingers of taxpayer's gains
Cheato .
Big, fat Cheato .
Big sport Cheato .
The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

One day Bad Nancy happened into town.
Her aim was to shoot fat Cheato down.
Bad Nance said, "Draw, and draw right now!"
And Cheato drew, drew a picture of a cow.

Cheato .
Big, fat Cheato .
Big gunfighter Cheato .
The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

The Mueller Boys was comin' on a train at first sun,
And the Reps said, "Cheato, we need your gun."
When that train pulled in at the break of dawn,
Cheato's gun was there, but Cheato was gone.

Cheato .
Big, fat Cheato .
Big help, Cheato .
The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.

Well, finally Cheato got three tweets in the belly.
It was right outside the Frontier Deli.
He was sittin' there twirlin' his phone around,
And butterfingers Cheato gunned himself down!

Cheato .
Big, fat Cheato .
Big dum-dum Cheato .
Big dum-dum dead Cheato .
The hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West.
Really.
 
Shitgibbon Blues
By Dr Suess

The orange shitgibbon was born in New York.
Delivered by Limo, too good for a stork.
Raised by a landlord with a strong racist bent,
Who evicted the black folks by raising their rent.

“Look at me, look at me, look at me!” he would scream
“I’m a real stable genius – this isn’t a dream!
“I make lots of money, I make lots of deals,
and trust me – I won’t let you miss any meals!”

So then the shitgibbon was chosen to lead,
despite that he never had learned how to read.
The faithful lined up, hot to answer the call,
they all started chanting “Build that wall! Build that wall!”

Suddenly something surprising occurred -
They started to realize just what a turd
The shitgibbon was, and always had been.
“He’s just a big zero, he isn’t a ten!”

But sadly, by then it was far far too late,
as the shitgibbon’s actions were sealing their fate.
To distract from the fact he was fucking a whore,
He opted for starting a nuclear war.

“The Russians will save us, ‘cause they’re on our side!”
he kept saying, though everyone knew that he lied.
“Lock him up!” they were chanting, right up to the end,
“We never did like him, it was only pretend!”
 
Wow! That was great! Good job.

ETA: I posted that to the "FU Trump" FB group with a link to the forum. Hopefully it will get some eyeballs here and maybe a new member or two.
 
Remember when I ran for Prez,
And I got on my knees
And warned you that President Hill
would go berserk?

Well you believed me
And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind

And they'll never take me away ha-haaa
They'll never take me away ho-ho hee-hee ha-haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice white men
In their clean white coats
And they'll never take me away ha-haaa

You thought I was a joke
And so you laughed
You laughed when you voted
And then those laughs got caught in your throat, huh?

Right?
You know you laughed
I heard you laugh, you laughed
You laughed and laughed and then you left
But now you know I'm utterly mad

And they'll never take me away ha-haaa
They'll never take me away ho-ho hee-hee ha-haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice white men
In their clean white coats
And they'll never take me away ha-haaa

I stacked your courts
I bitched your House
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind unselfish, loving Executive Orders?
Ha! Well you just wait
We'll find you yet and when they do
They'll put you in the A.S.P.C.A.
You mangy journalists

And they'll never take me away ha-haaa
They'll never take me away ho-ho hee-hee ha-haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice white men
In their clean white coats
And they'll never take me away ha-haaa

And they'll never take me away ha-haaa
They'll never take me away ho-ho hee-hee ha-haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice white men
In their clean white coats
And they'll never take me away ha-haaa


....huh. Kinda weird how few words actually had to be changed...
 
Anyone remember "We didn't start the fire?"

Pocahontas, Fake News, SNL losing viewers,
Crooked Hill, Tax Bill, Gotta build a Wall
Stormy Daniels, Cohen’s weak, ISIS future looking bleak,
Bleeding from her everywhere, gotta take this call
Roseanne Barr, who cares, tax returns, who dares,
North Korea, South Korea, Tariffs on the way,
Remember only I can, get us through Afghanistan,
War crime, pardon time, critics blown away

I am a stable genius,
And if that’s iffy, you can all covfefe
I’m am your favorite,
But two years were stollen, by the dems who’ve fallen
 
Bonespur-Doodle went to airport,
Just to see the Brits fly,
Stuck covefe in his cap
And Maverick did a fly-by.

(Chorus)
Bonespur-Doodle keep it up
Bonespur-Doodle Dandy
Mind the music and the step
And with the girls be a felony.

Ivanka and I went down to camp
Along with Captain Wintress.
There were all the men and boys
And none would talk to Princess.

(Chorus)
Bonespur-Doodle keep it up
Bonespur-Doodle Dandy
Mind the music and the step
And with the girls be a felony.

And there were tanks in Washington
And Valley Forge had silos
Minute Men with Minute-sixteens
Deploying from their helos

(Chorus)
Bonespur-Doodle keep it up
Bonespur-Doodle Dandy
Mind the music and the step
And with the girls be a felony.
 
Trump, who leads the free world
Has had a week emotionally whirled.
Greenland can't be obtained,
So he's no reason to visit the Danes.
 
So Bonespurs calls this a "lynching,"
But some don't find it convincing.
Observing the rules,
And not being fools?
This is just standard Trump Bitching.
 
So Trumpy says this a "lynching."
As the noose, it appears to be cinching.
He tweets up a storm,
But, hey, that's his norm.
And these days it's hardly worth flinching.
 
"The Battle Hymn Of The Republicans"

Oh, the Pres has seen the spectre
Of the proof he quid pro quoed
He's hammering out his vengeance
Where the tweets of wrath are stowed
He has loosed the redacted transcript
Of His Perfect Phone Call Chord
His alternative truth is marching on

Glory, glory, smear the witness!
Glory, glory, smear the witness!
Glory, glory, smear the witness!
His alternative truth is marching on

I have read a fiery gospel
That is counsel can't deny
A dozen credible witnesses
Though Jim Jordan still will try
To marginalize their efforts
To bring the facts to light
His alternative truth is marching on
 
Shame to let this thread remain idle. So I offer the Donald Trump Haiku and mantra:

It's just so unfair
They all treat me unfairly
It's unfair treatment
 
Elixir said:
Shame to let this thread remain idle. So I offer the Donald Trump Haiku and mantra:

It's just so unfair
They all treat me unfairly
It's unfair treatment
Click to expand...

Could have sworn Trump's haiku was

It's just so unfair.
I want to bone Ivanka.
They won't allow it.
 
Just off the top of my head...

Justice smells, Justice smells,
D-O-J's for SHIT!.
Stone gets special treatment, &
Four prosecutors quit!

Dashing thru the law,
Firings left and right,
Don't look for the Constitution,
Trump set it alight.

Oh, Justice smells, justice smells,
Barr is on the case.
He never really 'gets his man,'
But Trump waves to his base.
 
My pardons lie over the felons,
My pardons lie over the bent,
My pardons lie over corruption,
I can do this cuz I'm President.

Blind eye, blind eye,
Turn a blind eye to their crimes, can't see,
Blind eye, blind eye,
I'm on a crime-blessing spree.

My pardons lie over the guilty,
My pardons lie over the caught,
My pardons lie over the dirty,
It's my absolute right, to be bought!

Blind eye, blind eye,
Turn a blind eye to their crimes, can't see,
Blind eye, blind eye,
I'm on a crime-blessing spreeeeeee.
 
Ginni Thomas, wife of Clarence,
Is judging who stays and who goes,
She’s a twisted lobbyist for corporate America,
She’s a partisan Trumper we know.

She’s the captain of Trump’s purge army,
She’s checking for disloyal members,
She’s Duce Douchebag’s non government fan,
At least until this coming November.

Politicizing the State Department,
Politicizing all the Intelligence,
They politicize the Boy Scouts and Girls,
Any agencies that are and aren’t relevant.

This is the internal destruction,
Of democracy our founders founded,
Had they looked into a crystal ball,
More alarms they would’ve sounded.

But even with orange impeachment,
And multiple articles he’s violated,
When Republicans ignore the rule of law,
The Constitution’s annihilated.

Abe and Teddy roll in their graves,
As well as Dwight D. Eisenhower,
Trump flipped the switch to totalitarianism,
For the total bewitching hour.

Ginni Thomas builds a disloyalty list,
For those who don’t wear brown shirts,
She’s makes a black list and checks it twice,
Now we’re all on Orange alert!

Joe McCarthy and Roy Cohn,
Laugh now where they dwell,
Their orange red commie squatting in the White House,
Is irony made in Hell.

The black list gets longer in the Putin playbook,
For non-partisans doing their job,
The bureaucrats read the writing on the wall,
As Lady Liberty sits and sobs.

But the real disloyalty list should include,
Partisan hacks and Orange pawns,
Those disloyal to the Constitution,
Come November, the Purge is on!

Mark Lysgaard
 
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