Abe goes to Chipotle and Whole Foods with his special diet

[ApostateAbe]

I went to Chipotle, yesterday.

"I have a special diet. I eat only genetically-modified food."

Two guys behind the counter laughed. "Ooh, not here, you are going to have to go next door."

"OK, see you later."

I thought I may have better luck at Whole Foods. They sell all kinds of things.

There were four staff members hanging out a cash register near the customer service desk.

"I have a special diet. I eat only genetically-modified food."

"...Is this a joke?"

"No, you see, if I eat anything but GMOs, I get an upset stomach out of principle."

"What specifically are you looking for?" He was kinda flustered.

"Just groceries. Tell me what you have."

A woman spoke up. "No, sorry, we have standards, so we don't sell GMOs." And she went on a little spiel about the high quality of their foods.

I said, "Oh, so all you sell is pseudoscience."

Four seconds of silence. And then she said, "Yeah, sorry."

 

[skepticalbip]

It has gotten to be almost impossible to find a good gluten sandwich too. And I feel terrible if I don't get enough gluten in my diet every day.

 

[Kharakov]

Can't wait until all these stoner "naturalists" learn that Pot is a GMO designed to turn them into sheep who think they are shepherds....

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Can't wait until all these stoner "naturalists" learn that Pot is a GMO designed to turn them into sheep who think they are shepherds....

That's baaaaad.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Today on trolling people trying to make a living.

 

[scombrid]

Today on trolling people trying to make a living.

I might feel bad about trolling some poor clerk that is just working whatever shitty job he can find.

I do not feel bad about trolling the true believer making a living scamming people. I'm at the point where I do not care if the scammer is a true believer or is knowingly running a scam.

Several of my friends in the fitness industry buy into every food fad that rolls down off of bullshit mountain. I'm losing any sense of sympathy or sense of humor when they preach the joys of gluten free life at me with the glazed-eye look of a creationist.

 

[thebeave]

Today on trolling people trying to make a living.

I might feel bad about trolling some poor clerk that is just working whatever shitty job he can find.

I do not feel bad about trolling the true believer making a living scamming people. I'm at the point where I do not care if the scammer is a true believer or is knowingly running a scam.

Several of my friends in the fitness industry buy into every food fad that rolls down off of bullshit mountain. I'm losing any sense of sympathy or sense of humor when they preach the joys of gluten free life at me with the glazed-eye look of a creationist.

Yeeup. This past weekend at our annual July 4 family reunion, my aunt was going off on one of her junk food rants, and bitched about all the "crap" listed on the ingredients label of your average soda. Basically saying it had to be bad for you because the ingredients had long, sciencey sounding names. I tried the dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO, ie. H2O) gag on her and she fell for it hook,line and sinker. It was fucking gold. We all got a good laugh out of it, especially my uncle (her husband) who has to listen to her bogus, holier-than-thou nutrition advice day in a day out. My aunt is kind of annoyed with me now for making her look like a fool, but hopefully she learned something from her experience.

 

[bilby]

I might feel bad about trolling some poor clerk that is just working whatever shitty job he can find.

I do not feel bad about trolling the true believer making a living scamming people. I'm at the point where I do not care if the scammer is a true believer or is knowingly running a scam.

Several of my friends in the fitness industry buy into every food fad that rolls down off of bullshit mountain. I'm losing any sense of sympathy or sense of humor when they preach the joys of gluten free life at me with the glazed-eye look of a creationist.

Yeeup. This past weekend at our annual July 4 family reunion, my aunt was going off on one of her junk food rants, and bitched about all the "crap" listed on the ingredients label of your average soda. Basically saying it had to be bad for you because the ingredients had long, sciencey sounding names. I tried the dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO, ie. H2O) gag on her and she fell for it hook,line and sinker. It was fucking gold. We all got a good laugh out of it, especially my uncle (her husband) who has to listen to her bogus, holier-than-thou nutrition advice day in a day out. My aunt is kind of annoyed with me now for making her look like a fool, but hopefully she learned something from her experience.

But 'dihydrogen monoxide' is just a silly way of saying 'oxidane'.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Today on trolling people trying to make a living.

I might feel bad about trolling some poor clerk that is just working whatever shitty job he can find.

I do not feel bad about trolling the true believer making a living scamming people. I'm at the point where I do not care if the scammer is a true believer or is knowingly running a scam.

Several of my friends in the fitness industry buy into every food fad that rolls down off of bullshit mountain. I'm losing any sense of sympathy or sense of humor when they preach the joys of gluten free life at me with the glazed-eye look of a creationist.

I'd agree. I believe about 20% of Americans are convinced they have celiac disease.

I think I'll write a book about The Balanced Diet and see if I can get on Dr. Bill or whatever heck shows there are.

Dr. Whatever their name is: So you are saying I can have sweets and should eat moderate portions of all types of foods, veggies, fruits, meat, dairy?
Me: Head nod.
Audience: Standing ovation.
Me: *cha-ching!!!!"

 

[Elixir]

Yeeup. This past weekend at our annual July 4 family reunion, my aunt was going off on one of her junk food rants, and bitched about all the "crap" listed on the ingredients label of your average soda. Basically saying it had to be bad for you because the ingredients had long, sciencey sounding names. I tried the dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO, ie. H2O) gag on her and she fell for it hook,line and sinker. It was fucking gold. We all got a good laugh out of it, especially my uncle (her husband) who has to listen to her bogus, holier-than-thou nutrition advice day in a day out. My aunt is kind of annoyed with me now for making her look like a fool, but hopefully she learned something from her experience.

Good story, Beave.
She probably learned it's a lot easier to pronounce "ethanol" than "dihydrogen monoxide".