Brian63
Veteran Member
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2001
- Messages
- 1,639
- Location
- Michigan
- Gender
- Male
- Basic Beliefs
- Freethinker/atheist/humanist
There have been a handful of times in my life where I announced publicly to holding some view that I had been secretly holding but just not open about. Upon doing so, others who were in the crowd also made a related or similar announcement, and came out publicly with news that they had the same belief, value, opinion, personality trait, etc. Certainly this was the case when I first came out as an atheist to my family, some of whom responded by commenting that they also had strong doubts about the existence of a god and were just not open about it. So for much of our lives together, we were all putting on a show to deceive others into thinking something false about our own selves. The same is probably true for other scenarios to varying extents, such as when someone comes out as being homosexual, or announcing that they hold certain political views which are different from the politics of those around them like their own family, certain ethical viewpoints, etc., etc.
It just has me really curious how common this behavior is, where people secretly and privately hold some view or have a certain characteristic that they just keep quiet about to many of those around them, maybe because they are embarrassed by this aspect, or afraid of what hostile blowback they might receive from others, there being some sort of stigma against the view, etc. In actuality though, those others also hold a similar view but just do so secretively for similar reasons. So really, lots of people are just putting on a show for each other, and are doing that secretly. It is a harmful game being played, that nobody really realizes is being played, or at least to the extent that it is.
It is not until someone finally comes out openly with their real, genuine views that others will feel free to do the same, and then everyone can finally be more sincere and authentic in their behaviors from that point forward. No more need to hide your true self (or maybe just on that one matter, anyway).
Have others here experienced anything similar, where you privately held to some viewpoint but publicly put on a bit of a “show” to get others thinking you held some other viewpoint? When you or someone else at some point came out publicly with the secretly held views, then others started doing the same and it became clear that a lot of you were just putting on a bit of a performance for others? If you had all felt free to be open and honest from the start on this issue, a lot of the bullshit and anxiety could have been entirely avoided (though obviously other issues with similar effects would still remain).
For me, this experience applied when I came out to my family on my religious views (atheism). I remember it also applied to some discussions held on this forum even, such as when I was open about having a preference to be single rather than being in a relationship. Several others apparently felt the same about their own lives, and commented how they liked being single more, but it seems like something that was not going to be mentioned publicly, until someone else had said it first. This has applied in other areas too in my life, such as real-life discussions about political views with coworkers, or ethical debates with friends on certain topics, etc., etc. I just wonder how different our world would be if everyone was open and felt okay with acknowledging their real views. Admittedly, there are definitely some opinions and views that I hold on various subjects and issues that I am still entirely in the closet about, and maybe at some point will be more open about them, maybe not. We’ll see what happens.
Brian
It just has me really curious how common this behavior is, where people secretly and privately hold some view or have a certain characteristic that they just keep quiet about to many of those around them, maybe because they are embarrassed by this aspect, or afraid of what hostile blowback they might receive from others, there being some sort of stigma against the view, etc. In actuality though, those others also hold a similar view but just do so secretively for similar reasons. So really, lots of people are just putting on a show for each other, and are doing that secretly. It is a harmful game being played, that nobody really realizes is being played, or at least to the extent that it is.
It is not until someone finally comes out openly with their real, genuine views that others will feel free to do the same, and then everyone can finally be more sincere and authentic in their behaviors from that point forward. No more need to hide your true self (or maybe just on that one matter, anyway).
Have others here experienced anything similar, where you privately held to some viewpoint but publicly put on a bit of a “show” to get others thinking you held some other viewpoint? When you or someone else at some point came out publicly with the secretly held views, then others started doing the same and it became clear that a lot of you were just putting on a bit of a performance for others? If you had all felt free to be open and honest from the start on this issue, a lot of the bullshit and anxiety could have been entirely avoided (though obviously other issues with similar effects would still remain).
For me, this experience applied when I came out to my family on my religious views (atheism). I remember it also applied to some discussions held on this forum even, such as when I was open about having a preference to be single rather than being in a relationship. Several others apparently felt the same about their own lives, and commented how they liked being single more, but it seems like something that was not going to be mentioned publicly, until someone else had said it first. This has applied in other areas too in my life, such as real-life discussions about political views with coworkers, or ethical debates with friends on certain topics, etc., etc. I just wonder how different our world would be if everyone was open and felt okay with acknowledging their real views. Admittedly, there are definitely some opinions and views that I hold on various subjects and issues that I am still entirely in the closet about, and maybe at some point will be more open about them, maybe not. We’ll see what happens.
Brian
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