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Explain cross-dressing to me, please

Rhea

Rhea

Cyborg with a Tiara
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I have been peripherally exposed to people who are dealing with cross-dressing. And I know nothing about it.

Is it a gender issue?
A hobby?
An art?
A fetish?
Something people like to do in private only?
Sometimes private?
I guess I know there are performers in cross dressing
Does it affect sexual identity?
Does it tend to affect it in the same way in most people who do it?

What would a supportive person need to know about it when interacting with an adult cross-dresser, or a teen? Or a child?

My baseline take on this is that it doesn't really have anything to do with me other than not really caring if the person I am talking to, meeting with, etc is a cross dresser or is currently cross dressing as we meet. But maybe I should know a little more about it in the case of a teen seeking reassurance since total uncaring is probably not what they are hoping for at the very first.
 
This is one of those PYL(pick your label) things. Generally, a cross dresser is a man who dresses in women's clothes because he finds it sexually exciting. He is not trying to impersonate a woman. He may or may not be attracted to men. The term cross dresser is most often used to distinguish someone from a transvestite or transsexual. A trans person usually wants to assume a female persona, while a cross dresser does not.
 
Rhea said:
But maybe I should know a little more about it in the case of a teen seeking reassurance since total uncaring is probably not what they are hoping for at the very first.
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Then i'd probably be asking the teen what they want and why they want to do it. Teens are so very, very sure that they're the only person that has experienced or suffered from being alive and that their peers will crucify them for showing any individuality, aren't they?

So no matter what they're answering, i'd start by assure them they're not alone.

I mean, no matter what, these days, they're not alone.

And if they are, that can be corrected. I am pretty sure that if you pick three words at random, one of them a verb, and claim to have that fetish online, then in nine months a Japanese website will claim to have THE dominating website for the showjumper eyelining cheeseball fetish. (four months if one of the words is even remotely sexual).

But if the teen wants to dress ____ because they feel _____, there's someone on the web that wants to discuss it.
I'd want to make sure they're finding fellowship in the discussion, not cheeseball fundamentalists, and make sure they know they have my support.
 
I would say that if you want an answer, ask the cross-dresser, instead of expecting that there could be some catch-all explanation behind it. If someone comes to you seeking reassurance, they're going to be far more reassured if you genuinely ask questions in order to understand that specific individual, as opposed to if you try to offer some understanding based on assumptions about why the individual in question cross-dresses; if those assumptions are the result of well-meaning attempts to try and understand the issue before it ever comes up.

From what I know of it; there's any number of reasons a person might cross-dress; it's different for everyone. It's sexual for some; for others not at all. Gender identity comes into play for some, and not others. Etc etc. The reasons are diverse enough that it seems safer to just ask the individual in question. Done without judgement, this shows engagement and interest and probably works better than anything else.
 
No one specific has come to me seeking reassurance, I'm just curious to know more. I have friends who have connections to people who have revealed they are cross dressers and it occurred to me that it's probably more prevalent than I know and the odds of someone I do know personally revealing this to me are probably higher than I think, especially with teenage kids (who are more likely to reveal this, I think, than say Baby Boomers). And so, I was curious to ask questions here of people who have known or are cross dressers so that I could ask those very questions prior to being face to face with someone who might be very anxious about it in the moment.

From what I've gathered just googling, there is totally not a catch all, not that I really expected one. I just thought I could learn a little something.
 
It is interesting that cross dressing is so common for females that nothing is thought of it. Women routinely wear men's clothing now but in the 1800s such a thing would be shocking in polite society, a woman in pants would create quite a stir.

But to the OP. I don't have a clue as to why some males enjoy cross dressing. There are likely several different reasons. As others have suggested, the surest way of understanding is probably to ask someone who does cross dress.
 
skepticalbip said:
It is interesting that cross dressing is so common for females that nothing is thought of it. Women routinely wear men's clothing now but in the 1800s such a thing would be shocking in polite society, a woman in pants would create quite a stir.

But to the OP. I don't have a clue as to why some males enjoy cross dressing. There are likely several different reasons. As others have suggested, the surest way of understanding is probably to ask someone who does cross dress.
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There are many stories told from the 19th and 20th centuries of men who discovered to be women while being prepared for burial. They had all lived as men, working in men's occupation. One had been married, but since he/she outlived the spouse, no one knows if she knew the secret.
 
I've only ever cross-dressed once.

I got drunk at a party and a frost giant used the opportunity to run off with my magic hammer. We made a deal with him to get it back in exchange for giving him the most beautiful goddess in Asgard as his wife. My brother, Loki, dressed me up as a woman to fool him into thinking we were holding up our end of the deal and then when he handed the hammer back, I used it to kill him and all his frost giant buddies. Then I got drunk again.

Heh. Stupid frost giants.
 
Tom Sawyer said:
I've only ever cross-dressed once.

I got drunk at a party and a frost giant used the opportunity to run off with my magic hammer. We made a deal with him to get it back in exchange for giving him the most beautiful goddess in Asgard as his wife. My brother, Loki, dressed me up as a woman to fool him into thinking we were holding up our end of the deal and then when he handed the hammer back, I used it to kill him and all his frost giant buddies. Then I got drunk again.

Heh. Stupid frost giants.
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What did you do with the dress?
 
Google is you friend.
This isn't the answer but does indicate that there are different reasons for different people.

http://www.lightinthecloset.org/WhyDoICrossdress.html

WHY DO I CROSS DRESS?
Insights and Comments from 12 Cross-dressers

Many men who cross dress are not even sure why they do. Although the feelings are strong and compelling, the reason or the catalyst as to the "why" is elusive. Most are not able to articulate much beyond some vague compelling feeling. "It just feels good" or "I feel like the real me while cross-dressing" are the most common reasons given to family and friends as to why a person would pursue this expression. However, there is a concrete and knowable reality behind the need for genetic males to express the feminine through cross-dressing, even if they themselves are not aware of it. They range from curiosity and sexual stimulation, to gender identity and even, in rare cases, mental illness. Some explore the opposite gender as a way to connect with suppressed emotions. Others use cross-dressing (CDing) to experience a different life-perspective. The one thing most all cross-dressers have in common is that the need is neither frivolous, nor easily dismissed.

To help understand the mind-set of a cross-dresser, I have solicited the thoughts of twelve people who identify as transgender. None of those surveyed deal with serious mental illness. All those participating would be considered fairly mainstream. All live the bulk of their day as male, or what is referred to as "in male-mode." Most of their friends and family members are unaware of their need to cross dress. In other words, they would appear to most in society as "normal, upstanding male citizens." All identify as Christian, and most are either leaders or active members in their perspective churches.

............
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skepticalbip said:
It is interesting that cross dressing is so common for females that nothing is thought of it. Women routinely wear men's clothing now but in the 1800s such a thing would be shocking in polite society, a woman in pants would create quite a stir.
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It doesn't really qualify as cross-dressing if it is commonly accepted attire for women to wear such clothing. Just because a particular item of clothing *used* to be the domain of one particular gender, doesn't mean it's still male or female clothing today. Cross-dressing is only cross-dressing if it involves clothing that is explicitly something one's 'not supposed' to wear because it's distinctly associated with the other gender. Of course, as a historical aside, women have been known to wear pants throughout antiquity and across the globe; it was perfectly normal and accepted. In fact, during the last few centuries of the Roman Empire, it would have been only women who'd wear pants, as they were seen as an unmanly piece of attire.

It's only been relatively recently that women wearing pants became seen as socially unacceptable in the west. And, as you may have guessed, this coincidences with the Christianization of Europe. Women wore pants in Europe right up until and into the middle ages, when the religion was spreading across the continent.
 
dystopian said:
skepticalbip said:
It is interesting that cross dressing is so common for females that nothing is thought of it. Women routinely wear men's clothing now but in the 1800s such a thing would be shocking in polite society, a woman in pants would create quite a stir.
Click to expand...

It doesn't really qualify as cross-dressing if it is commonly accepted attire for women to wear such clothing. Just because a particular item of clothing *used* to be the domain of one particular gender, doesn't mean it's still male or female clothing today. Cross-dressing is only cross-dressing if it involves clothing that is explicitly something one's 'not supposed' to wear because it's distinctly associated with the other gender. Of course, as a historical aside, women have been known to wear pants throughout antiquity and across the globe; it was perfectly normal and accepted. In fact, during the last few centuries of the Roman Empire, it would have been only women who'd wear pants, as they were seen as an unmanly piece of attire.

It's only been relatively recently that women wearing pants became seen as socially unacceptable in the west. And, as you may have guessed, this coincidences with the Christianization of Europe. Women wore pants in Europe right up until and into the middle ages, when the religion was spreading across the continent.
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On the flip side, men in skirts (kilts, togas, etc) isn't at all unusually throughout history either.

[derail] Had to laugh at this line from Wiki:  This is one of the many issues being addressed by third wave feminism as well as the modern-day masculist movement. Somebody's head is gonna explode [/derail]
 
dystopian said:
I would say that if you want an answer, ask the cross-dresser, instead of expecting that there could be some catch-all explanation behind it.
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While this applies to many things in life regarding people, I think that's particularly true in this case.

Some people seem to love the flamboyant and expressive side of being a diva-esque drag queen, or the machismo and forwardness of being a drag king. Some male and female impersonators seem to treat it as an acting niche which happens to suit them (in some cases extremely well). Some people, as a matter of comfort or personal preference, enjoy wearing clothing typically associated with the opposite gender. Not ever having asked such a person why, I cannot guess what the answer would be. Maybe there isn't much of an answer to give; that's just how they feel without even thinking about it. I dunno. I think there are some cultural cases where women identifying socially as men is accepted, and those women would present themselves in men's clothing with male haircuts and general appearance, but I don't know if they actually feel like they physically want to be men, or if they just want to hold a masculine role in life.

And while cross-dressing and transgender identities are different, some people may use cross-dress as a way of exploring a different gender identity before they sort out what works best for them.

I'll bet there are other reasons.
 
skepticalbip said:
Jolly_Penguin said:
Cross dressing can probably be a lot of fun. Why not try it and see how it makes you feel?
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But it is awfully difficult to sail in a small daysailer wearing a corset, hoop skirt, and high heels.
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Wuss!

SHE and her horse made a record high jump, and she was wearing a hat, corset AND riding side-saddle.

Clearing the bar.jpg
 
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