That I will agree with. By the time a kid is watching a kung fu movie it's not going to be a problem in that regard.
What I'm talking about is the background--we see a lot of complaints about this with pornography. Guys getting the expectation that sex just jumps to the main event.
Sure. But let's identify the correct problem. Is it porn? Or is it the fact that we have a Christian, sex negative culture, that leads to porn often being the only available education on sex. If we starve a population on general information, but give easy access to an extreme version of information, the extreme version of information is going to get spread more. It's an incredibly easy problem to fix. Be less sex negative. Not to slut shame. Tolerate public nudity. Also... the more sex negative we are, the more sexually fixated a culture will be. That's just basic human psychology. If we want to make people relaxed about sex we need to make sex something to be relaxed about. Not a big deal.
Me personally if a woman won't have sex with me on the first date I assume she's not attracted to me. There's no second date. That's not because of pornography. That's because life has taught me that women who have sex on the first date are more likely to be more fun and rewarding long term partners. It's a question of personality and chemistry.
A lot of guys like to be a manly caring man and take care of his anxious and insecure woman. For those guys, I'm sure not having sex on the first date, is the way to go. Because those women need more reassurances until they are won over. But I'm not attracted to women like that. I like strong, powerful women, who have their shit together, and who know what they want and take it. I don't want a woman to need me for anything other than sex and moving the occasional sofa. It's just a matter of preference. That's just my taste in women.
But it could be worse. Let's be happy we're not living in a Muslim majority country. Those guys are sex negative off the scales. An extremely unhealthy culture around sex IMHO.
I'm not an expert, nor particularly initiated, but as I understand this movement is American and came out of the remnants of the Osho/Baghwan movement from the 1970's. Today it's under the big tent of "Tantra". Which, a long time ago, stopped only being about Tantra or anything hippie or New Age. Now it's just a term we can use in polite society, which to the initiated, are tips and tricks on how to be a better partner and lover. It's developed now into a huge diverse multi-faceted movement with all kinds of perspectives and uses. Many of these courses are 0% woo. Plenty are quite sciency.
That's sure a change in meaning! I have always understood tantric sex to be about avoiding ejaculation.
Brace yourself for another long post.
This network of relationship and sexuality courses is a new world. 20 years ago you would have been correct. These tantric courses were only for New Age hippies who had all manner of esoteric cooky beliefs. The course leaders back then were guys that had participated in the 1970'ies hippie cults, had hibernated right through the 1980'ies, re-emerged in the 1990'ies as New Age guru's, having switched from reaching enlightenment to self-help. But essentially doing the same thing. The difference at in the late 90'ies they had 30 years of experience having worked on free sexuality and open relationships. At this point they had very little illusions left. They had learned the hard way, what was bullshit and what worked. No, open relationships isn't for everyone. This was all happening in conjunction with another major shift in culture.
At the end of the 90'ies (thanks to the gay pride movement) came a general cultural shift towards and more open, tolerant and sexually relaxed culture in the west. This is when porn became normalised. Normal people were increasingly curious about exploring sexuality in a safe, sane and consensual way. They started joining in. This rise of interest led to a slew of books being published (based on the experiences of the old hippies mentioned above). Works like The Ethical Slut, More than Two, The Way of the superior man, No more Mr Nice guy, Screw the Roses send me the thorns... its a very very long list of books. These all have in common to teach spineless bleeding heart hippies to man up and fuck her woman well OR teach knuckle dragging rigid manly men who cum after 30 seconds, to become more attentive and sensitive lovers. These books all came with courses, organized by the authors or those affiliated. It was (and is) a movement.
Around 2010 came courses that made a clean break with the hippie past. This led to stuff like The Game and pickup artistry. We can discuss the ethics of these courses. But they did work. They did help men have consensual sex with women. Or courses more geared toward women "The New Tantra" (ie not tantra). And a huge variety of semi hippie semi sensible groups and retreats.
But this is is evolution of the same movement. It's still evolving. But it's here to stay and will only mature over time and become normal and acceptable. I mean.. EVERYBODY has had issues and problems with their sex life. Every man has failed to get a hard on at an inopportune moment. I think every woman has found herself having sex in a way she wasn't at all ok with. These are super basic issues every human being requires help and guidance with, and our Christian heritage society has let us down. There is help for everybody to get more in love and in tune with their own bodies. And other people's bodies
So basically, 20 years ago you would have been correct. Today it's all different.
But I should be very open an honest about that I haven't explored this world much at all. I've been to a couple of courses. All were great. But geared toward less experienced people. It was still good. So what I've managed to pick up, is just bits and pieces here and there. I'm NOT an expert. I have read all these books mentioned though. The Ethical Slut should be mandatory reading to every human. It's basically about how to treat lovers with respect and how to avoid playing games with them. Which is difficult when hormones and passions are raging.
A lot of it is focused on teaching us to slow down, pay attention and to create emotional connection to those we have sex with. To be less focused on performance, and more on the needs of the other. And also needs of yourself. And also about being more playful and fun. a fun things about these courses is that it's like 90% women attending. If you're a gross unsexy incel and you really want to get laid, this place is heaven. Loads of super hot women will throw themselves at you. Because these workshops are supervised, in remote locations, are limited in time, and a super super super safe spaces it makes the women lose their inhibitions and anxieties and just go for it. Its worth going simply for the spectacle of seeing a bunch of randy women seemingly trying to rip the few attending men apart.
In other words, practical sex ed, not actually prostitution-related. While the subject matter is a good idea I would want a class where you bring your partner, I'm utterly not into sex with a stranger.
There's all varieties. Some are shady as fuck. Some have a more clinical vibe. There's any and all varieties. Most of these are geared toward bringing your own partner. But I advise against that. You have all manner of fucked up dysfunctional patterns with your partner. Those are exceedingly difficult to break. It's way easier to pay a professional, (who will never be a threat to your relationship) to give you lessons 1:1, and give you a totally different idea of how sex can be experienced. It's way more educational.
I know a woman in Amsterdam. She works as a domina. But she only dominates dominant men. Her job is to show dominant men how women like to be dominated. The point of her sessions is to teach these guys how it is to receive what they are accustomed to dishing out. So they get better at it.
"Yoni massage". Don't be fooled by the name. it's 0% Woo and hippie. A lot of women don't like sex that much because they have had bad experiences and tend to tense up prior to intercourse. Making sex unnecessarily difficult. This is a hooker fingering a woman. It's all about making the woman relax about penetration, so she can enjoy having sex more. It can also be painful. Since a part of it, is literally to massage muscle knots inside the vagina and make them release. If a woman is very tight in her vaginal muscles, and has been over a long time, it can be extremely painful. And as with all massages, feels awesome afterwards.
Why would the name imply woo? It's just a word borrowed from another language to avoid the negative connotations.
Good point. I retract my statement and agree.
Obviously sex work. But for whatever reason, this is fully legal everywhere, advertised openly and seems universally to NOT be seen as sex work. Quite baffling really. But it is what it is.
I think the difference is whether the objective is simply orgasm or not.
As for fully legal everywhere.....I tried a search locally. Looking locally for tantric massage hit #1 the website has the prices as "recommended tribute"--nope, he's operating outside the law. Specifically looking for classes or workshops I'm some pages in and haven't seen anything the US.
Ok. I thought it was fully legal everywhere. My bad. But before long, I'm sure it will be.
