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Lucifer wants your soul and time is running out

Tom Sawyer said:
In that case, I'd sit on my couch watching tv and totally mean to get around to stealing people's souls maybe next week sometime.
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That totally works.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6

Indeed, We have prepared for the disbelievers chains and shackles and a blaze. - Sura 76:4​

Everybody who isn't a Christian is going to Hell, and everybody who isn't a Muslim is going to Hell. Looks to me like Lucifer's already got his seven billion.
 
Bomb#20 said:
Tom Sawyer said:
In that case, I'd sit on my couch watching tv and totally mean to get around to stealing people's souls maybe next week sometime.
Click to expand...
That totally works.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6

Indeed, We have prepared for the disbelievers chains and shackles and a blaze. - Sura 76:4​

Everybody who isn't a Christian is going to Hell, and everybody who isn't a Muslim is going to Hell. Looks to me like Lucifer's already got his seven billion.
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Reminds me of an old South Park episode where the priest dies and finds himself in Hell. He asks why he's there since he's been a devoted Catholic his whole life and a demon responds "Sorry, but the correct answer was 'Mormon'".
 
Uuurgh. I just got a stupid email forwarded by a relative who I thought was smarter than a bag of hammers. A totally made-up scam about how Hillary is going to make the US join the European Union and all bathrooms will be federally mandated to accept all four genders.

But that gives me an idea how Satan can rule the planet.

Just start an email and some blog entries about how there's a group of Satanists trying to use identity-theft tactics to trick people into selling their souls to Satan. What you do, if someone offers you free credit, or credit amnesty, or solar panels, or a car loan, or help getting a virus off your computer... If ANYONE calls you, you repeat the phrase: (and we craft a catchy latin phrase that mentions Satan and souls). Tell the reader that the translation of the phrase is "Satan Has My Soul," which makes them think that they've already successful stolen your soul and they'll lever you alone.
But actually, the phrase will mean "Satan CAN HAVE my soul."

I'm pretty sure a substantial number of my relatives who are sure Obama is a Kenyan Muslim, and that gay activists are painting Subway tokens with AIDS, will positively scream this phrase into the phone, over the internet, when they bump into people on the street... It may end up on billboards.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Uuurgh. I just got a stupid email forwarded by a relative who I thought was smarter than a bag of hammers. A totally made-up scam about how Hillary is going to make the US join the European Union and all bathrooms will be federally mandated to accept all four genders.

But that gives me an idea how Satan can rule the planet.

Just start an email and some blog entries about how there's a group of Satanists trying to use identity-theft tactics to trick people into selling their souls to Satan. What you do, if someone offers you free credit, or credit amnesty, or solar panels, or a car loan, or help getting a virus off your computer... If ANYONE calls you, you repeat the phrase: (and we craft a catchy latin phrase that mentions Satan and souls). Tell the reader that the translation of the phrase is "Satan Has My Soul," which makes them think that they've already successful stolen your soul and they'll lever you alone.
But actually, the phrase will mean "Satan CAN HAVE my soul."

I'm pretty sure a substantial number of my relatives who are sure Obama is a Kenyan Muslim, and that gay activists are painting Subway tokens with AIDS, will positively scream this phrase into the phone, over the internet, when they bump into people on the street... It may end up on billboards.
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Now that's Tom Sawyer level of diabolical.
 
As a programmer, insist on making "Give soul to Satan" an accomplishment in the next Grand Theft Auto game.
 
You could do it with drugs, Hylidae. Drugs are the answer. A mountain of crack stolen from cartels you destroyed from the inside, using satan whatever mental satan powers necessary. All unsupernatural of course. That part would take 30 years. Once you have respect and influence because of your satanic determination and savagery, convince your armies of crack heads to convince non crack heads (by sex) to sign up. Open some strip clubs across the world with crack keno machines and all the sex they can handle. That would leave the proud and the mentally incapacitated to deal with. Your crack army could handle the proud by signing them up for safe passage to the sane zone, free of crack sex mania. With enough crack you can do anything, and that was taught to me by hip hop. Anyways, you would have to use deep satanic meditation to reach the mentally incapacitated, unless we're ruling them out of the game. We probably should because that wouldn't be fair to satan.
 
Keith&Co. said:
another1 said:
A mountain of crack stolen from cartels you destroyed from the inside,
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Why would agents of Satan destroy the carels?
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Because agents of Satan are pure evil, duh! All the carrels have been destroyed by noise pollution, from the billions of agents of Satan that now infest every library in the world. Have you even been in one in the last twenty years? Lucifer already filled his quota.
 
I'm thinking along the lines of taking over all cartels. Not necessarily destroying them. Just remodeling them and making a better distribution process. Cheaper and more widely dispersed drugs. Everyone deserves to get high. Eventually all of the drugs will be free. Sex, drugs and the promise of safety for those who don't want either. We'd get every signature within 50 years and run this place. But yeah agents of satan wouldn't be down for destroying a cartel, you're right.

Hey why do people capitalize satan, but not God? I've seen a few people do that today. I don't care, just asking.
 
another1 said:
I'm thinking along the lines of taking over all cartels.
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Do you know anyone in a cartel? Is this something you're in a position to accomplish? Have you not read the thread?


Not necessarily destroying them.
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Right, right, I got that from the way you said
cartels you destroyed from the inside
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Hey why do people capitalize satan, but not God? I've seen a few people do that today. I don't care, just asking.
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'Satan' is a proper name.
But 'god' is a job description.

If you say 'devil,' there are any number of characters that might be conflated. Same as how there are many gods offered by humanity.
 
I have my own ideas why people accidentally or purposely capitalize the word satan. I do trust respect your grammar choices so I'll move on.

If I were satan... I'd have the ability to infiltrate a cartel. If you asking what I would do to gain every soul on earth, that is a totally different to tell. We're talking about satan taking over the world, so there is no need for the dismantling routine, keith. I am wrong in everything I think, and you know it. Just be happy with that, and assert yourself as the right one on a thread based in reality. I was just trying to have fun bud.
 
Bomb#20, Libraries are so scary dude. Homeless people infest them. They bathe in the bathroom sink and poop in the computer chairs.

Libraries are actually headquarters for satan's highest ranking humans. They have meetings there all the time. The homeless are there to distract from what is really going on :eek:
 
another1 said:
If I were satan... I'd have the ability to infiltrate a cartel.
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Not automatically. In this scenario, Satan can't do anything humans can't do. It's a subtle point but it was made in the OP... Spelled out kinda clearly, really. You might read the third post in this thread.
We're talking about satan taking over the world, so there is no need for the dismantling routine, keith.
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No, not taking over the world. Taking over all the souls of the inhabitants. Once the blood's dry on the contracts, they can go on with their dreary, silly, meaningless little lives, even attend church and march in protests against demonic Pokemon and feel productive. They're just not going where they think they're going after hte party's over.
I am wrong in everything I think, and you know it. Just be happy with that, and assert yourself as the right one on a thread based in reality. I was just trying to have fun bud.
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And is hanging crepe equally fun for you?
 
I've read the OP and you make a little more sense. I do feel a little like you're bearing down on me about it a lil too hard, but it would take days to lay out the graphs and figures to satisfactorily explain why I feel that way. The OP does make sense now, so thank you.

My plan would be straight forward then. First of all, I'd need to start with drugs. That is still my plan. The drugs would open up all worlds of possibility. With the courage I'd feel from satan's will working through me, I'd follow the words of the greats to succeed. Gangster rappers have already predicted my rise. I've always known they were speaking directly to me, preparing me for the day I accept my inevitable role as satan's vessel in this world. The simple instructions I have already memorized in rap hymns.

Being a simple drug dealer could get you far, but conning the world would make drug dealing the first of many stages. I'm liking the virtual game approach. Add some crack to Pokémon and throw in some sexuals. Hide crack like Easter eggs in bus stations, supermarkets, and on playgrounds. The fine print in the user agreement could get you millions of souls. The things people will do for drugs (directly or indirectly) can conquer the world. You just need to amass enough crack to get it done. A piece of crack the size of an aircraft carrier. You will know it only as The Stone. I want to give so much crack to the world, they will have enough spared to chisel crack statues of me. The lonely and lost could smoke of my body on every street corner. Helicopters sprinkling crack over every major city. They'd call it the saviors hail. With crack I could do it. I just need enough of it.
 
another1 said:
I've read the OP and you make a little more sense. I do feel a little like you're bearing down on me about it a lil too hard, but it would take days to lay out the graphs and figures to satisfactorily explain why I feel that way.
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Um, gosh, that's so sad, considering how often you tell other people how they feel or are supposed to be feeling, or what they're thinking, that must be traumatic for you.
I want to give so much crack to the world, they will have enough spared to chisel crack statues of me. The lonely and lost could smoke of my body on every street corner.
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Isn't that the plot of a James Bond movie?
 
I'm not sure about the plot of the James Bond movie. I haven't watched any of those lately. I wasn't aware of telling people what they're supposed to be thinking. I do remember telling someone what they were actually thinking, but it was imperative at the time. You reference a lot of movies when you speak to me. I'm into movies about epic intellectual quests to apprehend God. Like those obscure foreign films that run too long, but are fucking amazing to watch. I don't even turn on subtitles when I watch that stuff. Can't get enough of that gangster shit dude. I love it. But yeah satan and world domination. Back to the truly important things.

Stage 3 would have some facial reconstruction involved. With my crack money safely stored overseas, I could use some to purchase a legit i.d. From there I'd have to get into small politics, and use satan powers to make the right friends. All unsupernatural and doable. Give it ten years and I'd be a Senator dressed like Dr. No. I'd already have millions of signatures, through drugs, prostitution and blackmail activities. But my legit career as a Senator could get me billions. We're talking about satan, so you know the next step is the Presidency. I don't know or care enough about politics to go any further than that. But it does start with drugs, because drugs are the answer. 5 stages, but drugs are the first and most important in my own scheme.
 
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