Lucifer wants your soul and time is running out

[Angry Floof]

This is a game. You have to think up all the atrocities the Prince of Darkness Hisownself must commit in order to meet his goal of 7 billion more souls by the time Jesus comes back. No one knows when that will be except that it will be SOON. Like in five minutes or maybe tomorrow at the latest. You might as well not even shave today because you'll be off to hell before 5 o'clock shadow. Don't bother kissing your wife. The two of you will have eternity to press your scorched lips together. That's how soon.

Feel free to argue technicalities, but remember that Satan can't do anything humans can't do. He seems supernatural at being evil only because we don't yet fully know how that shit works even though we have everything we need in order to do anything Satan does.

In other words, the limits to evil are infinite, but the logistics matter. You can't just walk into a nuclear weapons control room and "press the button" to destroy everyone on Earth thereby winning yourself all available souls at once. At least, not unless you actually can do that in real life. (Obama, stop spying on us.)

Once again, you have your normal human powers to do things like walk, talk, travel, buy weapons, fire weapons, etc., but also the powers of lying, suggestion, manipulation, etc. You get no money, but remember you do have powers of influence over others and how they spend their money.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I'd put signing over your soul into the middle of the iTunes upgrade contract and everyone would give it to me without realizing.

 

[Angry Floof]

I'd put signing over your soul into the middle of the iTunes upgrade contract and everyone would give it to me without realizing.

Excellent answer. But can Tom Sawyer walk into Apple headquarters and make that change to the contract as well as get it distributed to all users? How would you do it?

For example, you could shoot your way through all the humans that stand between you and the contract document, and then you'd probably have to get additional access to the system to distribute changes to live users. To do that, you'd have to know what you're doing in their system. So you can kill anyone (because infinite evil) but you're probably better off leaving some people alive, like hackers or whatever you need, until they're no longer useful.

 

[Elixir]

I'd put signing over your soul into the middle of the iTunes upgrade contract and everyone would give it to me without realizing.

Can you actually DO that as a human? I mean... someone probably can (if they haven't done so already), but are YOU that person?

 

[Horatio Parker]

Reminds me of the Dudley Moore move "Bedazzled". Lucifer went one soul over his quota at the end and so gave Dudley his soul back.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Go on Youtube, make something like the Ice Bucket Challenge, where you sell your soul to Satan in order to keep HRC out of the white house.

Then have my wife do the same thing to keep Trumpf out.

And have my son do something to put Bernie INTO the white house...

 

[Jayjay]

I, Satan, hereby change my name to Jesus Christ. Then I put up an ad in Google and Facebook informing everyone that if they do worship Jesus, they are in fact giving their souls to Satan. And just sit back and wait.

... okay maybe something else needs to be done for the 2.1 billion muslims. So, it's going to be "Jesus Allah Mohammed Christ" instead.

 

[Angry Floof]

Go on Youtube, make something like the Ice Bucket Challenge, where you sell your soul to Satan in order to keep HRC out of the white house.

Then have my wife do the same thing to keep Trumpf out.

And have my son do something to put Bernie INTO the white house...

That's only three. The goal is the whole seven billion. But I like how you think. You'd give your baby boy's soul for socialism? Very sweet gesture, comrade.

 

[Angry Floof]

I, Satan, hereby change my name to Jesus Christ. Then I put up an ad in Google and Facebook informing everyone that if they do worship Jesus, they are in fact giving their souls to Satan. And just sit back and wait.

... okay maybe something else needs to be done for the 2.1 billion muslims. So, it's going to be "Jesus Allah Mohammed Christ" instead.

No one will care if you change your name and post an ad. We live in a world where people make web pages about how to have sex with dolphins. Nobody will notice one more guy saying he's Jesus Christ, even if you promise virgins in heaven.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I'd put signing over your soul into the middle of the iTunes upgrade contract and everyone would give it to me without realizing.

Excellent answer. But can Tom Sawyer walk into Apple headquarters and make that change to the contract as well as get it distributed to all users? How would you do it?

For example, you could shoot your way through all the humans that stand between you and the contract document, and then you'd probably have to get additional access to the system to distribute changes to live users. To do that, you'd have to know what you're doing in their system. So you can kill anyone (because infinite evil) but you're probably better off leaving some people alive, like hackers or whatever you need, until they're no longer useful.

Ok, I misunderstood. I thought I was only allowed to do things humans can do, not what me as a specific human can do.

In that case, I'd sit on my couch watching tv and totally mean to get around to stealing people's souls maybe next week sometime.

 

[Underseer]

I would ask Christians not not hate and to not murder people.

Based on Christian complaints, this is apparently the single most evil thing anyone can do, because only a minion of Satan would try to stop Christians from hating people or causing the death of people they don't agree with. Asking Chik-fil-A to stop giving money to support the "kill the gays" law in Africa prevented an act of mass murder, which made Jesus so angry that all the Christians screamed and cried about how they were being "persecuted."

In fact, if I were really evil, I would actually do something to stop Christians from hurting a large number of people.

 

[Thomas II]

This is a game. You have to think up all the atrocities the Prince of Darkness Hisownself must commit in order to meet his goal of 7 billion more souls by the time Jesus comes back. No one knows when that will be except that it will be SOON. Like in five minutes or maybe tomorrow at the latest. You might as well not even shave today because you'll be off to hell before 5 o'clock shadow. Don't bother kissing your wife. The two of you will have eternity to press your scorched lips together. That's how soon.

Feel free to argue technicalities, but remember that Satan can't do anything humans can't do. He seems supernatural at being evil only because we don't yet fully know how that shit works even though we have everything we need in order to do anything Satan does.

In other words, the limits to evil are infinite, but the logistics matter. You can't just walk into a nuclear weapons control room and "press the button" to destroy everyone on Earth thereby winning yourself all available souls at once. At least, not unless you actually can do that in real life. (Obama, stop spying on us.)

Once again, you have your normal human powers to do things like walk, talk, travel, buy weapons, fire weapons, etc., but also the powers of lying, suggestion, manipulation, etc. You get no money, but remember you do have powers of influence over others and how they spend their money.

President Trump?

 

[Angry Floof]

Excellent answer. But can Tom Sawyer walk into Apple headquarters and make that change to the contract as well as get it distributed to all users? How would you do it?

For example, you could shoot your way through all the humans that stand between you and the contract document, and then you'd probably have to get additional access to the system to distribute changes to live users. To do that, you'd have to know what you're doing in their system. So you can kill anyone (because infinite evil) but you're probably better off leaving some people alive, like hackers or whatever you need, until they're no longer useful.

Ok, I misunderstood. I thought I was only allowed to do things humans can do, not what me as a specific human can do.

Yes, anything any human can do, but for other people to do it, you have to figure out how to trick them into doing it. No magical waving of hands to make it so.

In that case, I'd sit on my couch watching tv and totally mean to get around to stealing people's souls maybe next week sometime.

:laughing-smiley-014

 

[Angry Floof]

This is a game. You have to think up all the atrocities the Prince of Darkness Hisownself must commit in order to meet his goal of 7 billion more souls by the time Jesus comes back. No one knows when that will be except that it will be SOON. Like in five minutes or maybe tomorrow at the latest. You might as well not even shave today because you'll be off to hell before 5 o'clock shadow. Don't bother kissing your wife. The two of you will have eternity to press your scorched lips together. That's how soon.

Feel free to argue technicalities, but remember that Satan can't do anything humans can't do. He seems supernatural at being evil only because we don't yet fully know how that shit works even though we have everything we need in order to do anything Satan does.

In other words, the limits to evil are infinite, but the logistics matter. You can't just walk into a nuclear weapons control room and "press the button" to destroy everyone on Earth thereby winning yourself all available souls at once. At least, not unless you actually can do that in real life. (Obama, stop spying on us.)

Once again, you have your normal human powers to do things like walk, talk, travel, buy weapons, fire weapons, etc., but also the powers of lying, suggestion, manipulation, etc. You get no money, but remember you do have powers of influence over others and how they spend their money.

President Trump?

How would that rack up souls for Satan that he doesn't already have?

 

[Thomas II]

President Trump?

How would that rack up souls for Satan that he doesn't already have?

People would end up killing each other in wars?

(Thomas II liking Tom Sawyer's answer more by the minute...)

 

[Angry Floof]

How would that rack up souls for Satan that he doesn't already have?

People would end up killing each other in wars?

Good point. But 1) how would you ensure he becomes president and 2) also ensure that he starts a world war?

(Thomas II liking Tom Sawyer's answer more by the minute...)

I know, he pretty much ended the thread right off the bat with the iTunes agreement idea. Tom Sawyer showed his true depth of evil today. Not that we didn't already know, but still, that he should be so blatant about it..

 

[Keith&Co.]

Go on Youtube, make something like the Ice Bucket Challenge, where you sell your soul to Satan in order to keep HRC out of the white house.

Then have my wife do the same thing to keep Trumpf out.

And have my son do something to put Bernie INTO the white house...

That's only three. The goal is the whole seven billion. But I like how you think. You'd give your baby boy's soul for socialism? Very sweet gesture, comrade.

No, if i can make it as attractive as the ice bucket challenge, then a whole raft of idiots will make their own Youtube videos selling their souls. We can even link from one to the others. "Satan promised me 3 electoral votes for every 1000 souls! Join us and keep ____ out!" or in, or whatever.

Probably work better if i can find an obscure but legally binding term for Satan, like the Morning Star or something like that.

 

[Angry Floof]

That's only three. The goal is the whole seven billion. But I like how you think. You'd give your baby boy's soul for socialism? Very sweet gesture, comrade.

No, if i can make it as attractive as the ice bucket challenge, then a whole raft of idiots will make their own Youtube videos selling their souls. We can even link from one to the others. "Satan promised me 3 electoral votes for every 1000 souls! Join us and keep ____ out!" or in, or whatever.

Probably work better if i can find an obscure but legally binding term for Satan, like the Morning Star or something like that.

Ah! Yes, of course. Why didn't I think of that? You could give your videos headlines like "Try this one weird trick for eternal happiness and possibly superpowers.' Or "I sold my soul to Satan. You won't believe what happened next!"

 

[Keith&Co.]

No, if i can make it as attractive as the ice bucket challenge, then a whole raft of idiots will make their own Youtube videos selling their souls. We can even link from one to the others. "Satan promised me 3 electoral votes for every 1000 souls! Join us and keep ____ out!" or in, or whatever.

Probably work better if i can find an obscure but legally binding term for Satan, like the Morning Star or something like that.

Ah! Yes, of course. Why didn't I think of that? You could give your videos headlines like "Try this one weird trick for eternal happiness and possibly superpowers.' Or "I sold my soul to Satan. You won't believe what happened next!"

4000 Dump Trump-ers sold their souls to Satan. What happens in November will shock you!

 

[Keith&Co.]

Or matchbook covers. Like 'Can you draw Binky?'

Can You cast magic? Use the incantation on the inside of this matchbook cover. If you can produce magical results, The Federal School of Applied Theology wants YOU! Hogwarts was fiction. THIS is REAL!

Repeat: tolle animam meam in inferno until you see results. Then describe what happens in an email to FSoAT@gmail.com