The Bashin' of the Christ (2004)

[ideologyhunter]

Well, I've finally seen Mel Gibson's Christian porn. That's not fair, really -- it got an R rating. Christians, your story is R rated (really????) I didn't go to see it in '04, because I knew the multiplexes were full of born agains, and I knew if I snickered at any point, I'd find the other side of Christian compassion. But I found the DVD marked down at Big Lots, and figured, what the hell.
What a movie!! Mel made a Jesus story for the generations who grew up on Rocky, Rambo, Jean-Claude, and Friday the Thirteenth. I mean, blood, you want blood? Jesus ends up drenched, spattered, speckled, fricasseed in gore, with his right eye swollen shut, and he looks this way for the final third of the picture.
Then there's the stuff Mel and his team just flat-out made up. My favorites:
1) Near the start, after Jesus is arrested and led away in chains, Mel decides to ramp up the violence. He has one of the guards wallop Jesus so hard that he falls over a stone embankment until the chains pull him to a stop, leaving him hanging upside down and face to face with...Judas, who happens to be slinking away on a lower pathway. Oh, the irony.
2) After the scourging (whips with hooks, wooden clubs) Jesus leaves what must be 3 quarts of blood around the stanchion he's been bound to. They drag him through the blood in an overhead shot, and his robe smears the blood like a gigantic paint brush until he's out of the shot. Mary runs forward and mops up some of the blood with a towel. (Is there supposed to be a towel of Turin, yet to be found and announced to the faithful?)
3) During the Crucifixion, the bad thief starts jeering at Jesus and the good thief. Instantly a raven (and it's a nice, big raven) lands on his head and starts pecking at his eyeball. (A reaction shot from Tippi Hedren would fit in here, but that would be Tarantino's cut.)
As for stuff Mel left out:
1) The centurions hang out around the cross and carouse, but they don't actually gamble for the right to take Jesus' clothes. I wondered if this would happen, because those clothes couldn't have been Whisked clean by this point in the picture.
2) He doesn't show the zombies coming out of their graves (Matthew 27:52-3), which is his loss, because it would've called up more of the George Romero atmosphere he steered toward.
BTW, I fully understand why the Jewish community had a cow over this film.
Who else has seen this bloodfest, and what are your favorite spurts, clots, and hemorrhages?

 

[Politesse]

(Is there supposed to be a towel of Turin, yet to be found and announced to the faithful?)

No, but there's one which was already found, and is likely (?) being referenced: Veronica's Cloth. Either that or the relic after which the Basilica of the Holy Blood is named, which was also collected with a towel. Mary is the wrong person to collect it, either way.

I haven't seen the movie, and have no desire to correct this. The thought that any Christian would see the Crucifixion primarily as an opportunity for a "gorn" high is baffling to me. I feel like a more realistic presentation of the violence would still have been horrifying, if you want some horror (it is a fact that floggings aren't pretty) without dialing everything up to fifteen for the entertainment of the popcorn-munching morons.

 

[southernhybrid]

(Is there supposed to be a towel of Turin, yet to be found and announced to the faithful?)

No, but there's one which was already found, and is likely (?) being referenced: Veronica's Cloth. Either that or the relic after which the Basilica of the Holy Blood is named, which was also collected with a towel. Mary is the wrong person to collect it, either way.

I haven't seen the movie, and have no desire to correct this. The thought that any Christian would see the Crucifixion primarily as an opportunity for a "gorn" high is baffling to me. I feel like a more realistic presentation of the violence would still have been horrifying, if you want some horror (it is a fact that floggings aren't pretty) without dialing everything up to fifteen for the entertainment of the popcorn-munching morons.

I agree with you, but since the movie was mentioned, I must share an experience of mine. When that movie first came out, one of my then 80 something year old patients had just seen the movie and had to tell me about it. She got really excited, eyes wide and glowing, as she mentioned the part where Christ was whipped. I remember what she said as she became more excited while raising the volume of her voice, "They beat him and beat him and beat him...." I had to stop her because it was becoming disturbing to me to see this older adult woman become so high from watching the beating. If she continued, I felt like I was going to vomit as I'm not a fan of violent movies of any kind. I think I said something about not being a Christian. Then she asked me what I believed and I said that I believed we should all try to be kind to each other. That worked. I tried not to bring up religion with my former patients but living in the Bible Belt sometimes made that very challenging. I doubt that most Christians got turned on by that movie, but apparently a lot of the fundies did. It's creepy.

 

[jab]

Well, I've finally seen Mel Gibson's Christian porn. That's not fair, really -- it got an R rating. Christians, your story is R rated (really????) I didn't go to see it in '04, because I knew the multiplexes were full of born agains, and I knew if I snickered at any point, I'd find the other side of Christian compassion. But I found the DVD marked down at Big Lots, and figured, what the hell.
What a movie!! Mel made a Jesus story for the generations who grew up on Rocky, Rambo, Jean-Claude, and Friday the Thirteenth. I mean, blood, you want blood? Jesus ends up drenched, spattered, speckled, fricasseed in gore, with his right eye swollen shut, and he looks this way for the final third of the picture.
Then there's the stuff Mel and his team just flat-out made up. My favorites:
1) Near the start, after Jesus is arrested and led away in chains, Mel decides to ramp up the violence. He has one of the guards wallop Jesus so hard that he falls over a stone embankment until the chains pull him to a stop, leaving him hanging upside down and face to face with...Judas, who happens to be slinking away on a lower pathway. Oh, the irony.
2) After the scourging (whips with hooks, wooden clubs) Jesus leaves what must be 3 quarts of blood around the stanchion he's been bound to. They drag him through the blood in an overhead shot, and his robe smears the blood like a gigantic paint brush until he's out of the shot. Mary runs forward and mops up some of the blood with a towel. (Is there supposed to be a towel of Turin, yet to be found and announced to the faithful?)
3) During the Crucifixion, the bad thief starts jeering at Jesus and the good thief. Instantly a raven (and it's a nice, big raven) lands on his head and starts pecking at his eyeball. (A reaction shot from Tippi Hedren would fit in here, but that would be Tarantino's cut.)
As for stuff Mel left out:
1) The centurions hang out around the cross and carouse, but they don't actually gamble for the right to take Jesus' clothes. I wondered if this would happen, because those clothes couldn't have been Whisked clean by this point in the picture.
2) He doesn't show the zombies coming out of their graves (Matthew 27:52-3), which is his loss, because it would've called up more of the George Romero atmosphere he steered toward.
BTW, I fully understand why the Jewish community had a cow over this film.
Who else has seen this bloodfest, and what are your favorite spurts, clots, and hemorrhages?

I noticed each gory scene took a lot longer on the screen than it took to read it out load from the Bible. Short scenes would have kept the spirit and the content of the scripture better.
Also, doesn't the film show Satan--the gospels mention angels appearing, but I don't recall Satan? Am I misremembering the gospels or the film or both?

 

[jab]

(Is there supposed to be a towel of Turin, yet to be found and announced to the faithful?)

No, but there's one which was already found, and is likely (?) being referenced: Veronica's Cloth. Either that or the relic after which the Basilica of the Holy Blood is named, which was also collected with a towel. Mary is the wrong person to collect it, either way.

I haven't seen the movie, and have no desire to correct this. The thought that any Christian would see the Crucifixion primarily as an opportunity for a "gorn" high is baffling to me. I feel like a more realistic presentation of the violence would still have been horrifying, if you want some horror (it is a fact that floggings aren't pretty) without dialing everything up to fifteen for the entertainment of the popcorn-munching morons.

I agree with you, but since the movie was mentioned, I must share an experience of mine. When that movie first came out, one of my then 80 something year old patients had just seen the movie and had to tell me about it. She got really excited, eyes wide and glowing, as she mentioned the part where Christ was whipped. I remember what she said as she became more excited while raising the volume of her voice, "They beat him and beat him and beat him...." I had to stop her because it was becoming disturbing to me to see this older adult woman become so high from watching the beating. If she continued, I felt like I was going to vomit as I'm not a fan of violent movies of any kind. I think I said something about not being a Christian. Then she asked me what I believed and I said that I believed we should all try to be kind to each other. That worked. I tried not to bring up religion with my former patients but living in the Bible Belt sometimes made that very challenging. I doubt that most Christians got turned on by that movie, but apparently a lot of the fundies did. It's creepy.

My fundamentalist Protestant parents--unlike the Catholic Mel Gibson--were iconoclasts when it came to religious imagery, at least when it was aimed at adults, and would have regarded his film as an abomination. (Adults should be literate enough to read the holy scripture and find it sufficient for their mind's eye.)

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Well, it could have been worse for him. What if Jesus had been stabbed?

 

[thebeave]

What I don't get is why Jesus just continued to take all the abuse being heaped on him. I mean, if the guy could turn water into wine, couldn't he turn his right arm into a submachine gun, and his left arm into flamethrower? The guy was just a big pussy if ask me.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

What I don't get is why Jesus just continued to take all the abuse being heaped on him. I mean, if the guy could turn water into wine, couldn't he turn his right arm into a submachine gun, and his left arm into flamethrower? The guy was just a big pussy if ask me.

It does seem to be a bit of a puny god moment. I mean, if Thor was walking down the road and a bunch of Romans came up and said he was under arrest and tried to drag him away, you'd just end up with a bunch of dead Romans and Thor continuing to walk down the road.

Also, didn't Jesus cast healing spells a bunch of times? Why didn't he just heal his own injuries and have a more pleasant walk to the crucifixion site? That would have blown everyone's mind.

 

[Politesse]

It does seem to be a bit of a puny god moment. I mean, if Thor was walking down the road and a bunch of Romans came up and said he was under arrest and tried to drag him away, you'd just end up with a bunch of dead Romans and Thor continuing to walk down the road.

Also, didn't Jesus cast healing spells a bunch of times? Why didn't he just heal his own injuries and have a more pleasant walk to the crucifixion site? That would have blown everyone's mind.

How has this worked out for Thor in the long run?

 

[none]

...
Who else has seen this bloodfest, and what are your favorite spurts, clots, and hemorrhages?

I went to my cousin's house and it was a double feature
passion of the christ and kill bill
more bloodshed than I expected from both and more than I had experienced in cinema ever
it was overload but meh

 

[Tom Sawyer]

It does seem to be a bit of a puny god moment. I mean, if Thor was walking down the road and a bunch of Romans came up and said he was under arrest and tried to drag him away, you'd just end up with a bunch of dead Romans and Thor continuing to walk down the road.

Also, didn't Jesus cast healing spells a bunch of times? Why didn't he just heal his own injuries and have a more pleasant walk to the crucifixion site? That would have blown everyone's mind.

How has this worked out for Thor in the long run?

Pretty good lately. Ragnarok pulled in about $800 million internationally and he's one of the major starts of Infinity War, which will break a billion in its sleep and maybe even unseat Avatar for the top movie of all time.

Disney's likely going to be driving a dump truck full of cash up to his house to get him to extend his contract while Gibson is still kind of a pariah.

 

[Lion IRC]

(Is there supposed to be a towel of Turin, yet to be found and announced to the faithful?)

No, but there's one which was already found, and is likely (?) being referenced: Veronica's Cloth. Either that or the relic after which the Basilica of the Holy Blood is named, which was also collected with a towel. Mary is the wrong person to collect it, either way.

[snip]

The thought that any Christian would see the Crucifixion primarily as an opportunity for a "gorn" high is baffling to me. I feel like a more realistic presentation of the violence would still have been horrifying, if you want some horror (it is a fact that floggings aren't pretty) without dialing everything up to fifteen for the entertainment of the popcorn-munching morons.

^^^^ What Politesse said

 

[bilby]

It does seem to be a bit of a puny god moment. I mean, if Thor was walking down the road and a bunch of Romans came up and said he was under arrest and tried to drag him away, you'd just end up with a bunch of dead Romans and Thor continuing to walk down the road.

Also, didn't Jesus cast healing spells a bunch of times? Why didn't he just heal his own injuries and have a more pleasant walk to the crucifixion site? That would have blown everyone's mind.

How has this worked out for Thor in the long run?

Pretty good lately. Ragnarok pulled in about $800 million internationally and he's one of the major starts of Infinity War, which will break a billion in its sleep and maybe even unseat Avatar for the top movie of all time.

Disney's likely going to be driving a dump truck full of cash up to his house to get him to extend his contract while Gibson is still kind of a pariah.

Sounds to me like Gibson is a bit of a Thor loser.

 

[Underseer]

I never saw Passion of the Christ because posters around here described it as "two hours of homoerotic violence." Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's just not my thang.

 

[Jobar]

View attachment 15297

 

[ideologyhunter]

Here's another twisted little moment in the film: Satan (a pale, cloaked, effete-looking man) shows up to ogle at the Crucifixion. He also brings his offspring, seen for about 2 seconds, who appears to be a wizened little manchild, somehow afflicted with premature aging. Very strange.

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

Here's another twisted little moment in the film: Satan (a pale, cloaked, effete-looking man) shows up to ogle at the Crucifixion. He also brings his offspring, seen for about 2 seconds, who appears to be a wizened little manchild, somehow afflicted with premature aging. Very strange.

I think it reinforces the fact that christianity is just a bizarre cult.

And the demand for exorcisms is up too. Not surprising. Gotta purge the bad juju creatures using magic spells.