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Things you don't hear too often...

J

Jimmy Higgins

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Joined
Jan 31, 2001
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Calvinistic Atheist
A thread for those phrases, statements, or ideas that just rarely ever get uttered. Such as:

I'm going to head to Facebook and have a reasoned discussion about politics.
 
madam if you don't stop sucking my cock immediately i shall be forced to phone the authorities.

originally george carlin said "stop sucking my dick or i'll call the cops" but i always found that more wordy version to be more inherently funny.
 
Jimmy Higgins said:
A thread for those phrases, statements, or ideas that just rarely ever get uttered. Such as:

I'm going to head to Facebook and have a reasoned discussion about politics.
Click to expand...

Haha! Like this?

I'm going to respond to this comment with a well reasoned argument and a list of facts that dispute all his points.

Commenter doubles down with more garbage and calls me a moron

I haven't had a serious discussion on facebook for years now.
 
I used to hate Trump, and his family, since well before the campaign, but then someone online called me a libtard and it made me stop and think things over.
 
"Yes, this is Smith, from the Internal Revenue Service. We did an internal audit on your tax return from five years ago and it turns out that you overpaid your taxes by $1,800. We'll be sending you a check for that plus what we owe you back in interest and penalties since we didn't catch it until now. Sorry about the inconvenience."
 
"I lost my $65,000/yr job to an illegal immigrant."
 
I need a 0% interest credit card to replace my high balance card - I wish someone would call me and offer one.
 
So, it took a while, but I finally found all the places online where I stated, in 2008:

If Obama gets elected, it will literally be the end of America!

And I have posted, not a retraction, but a general acknowledgement that America did not literally end during his tenure.
 
"Mr. Brown, this has to be the most well-maintained vehicle I've ever had the pleasure of servicing."


"Honey, I've been thinking that we haven't spent enough time in the bedroom lately. Are you busy?"


"Well, I've examined you every year, and you've got the heart and constitution of a man half your age. Whatever you're doing, I'd love to bottle it and give it to my other patients."


"Hey, it was a gang-buster year for the company, thanks in part to your efforts. I've got plenty of extra budget money to spend; would you prefer a new laptop, or an extra three weeks of vacation?"


"Gee, whoever built this house of yours sure knew what they were doing. This place will stand forever."


"You know, honey, I'm worried that you haven't been able to devote much time to maintaining your friendships. Wouldn't you like to have more nights out with the guys?"


"Dad, my homework's done and I'm bored. Have you got any chores I can do around the house?"


"Dear Mr. Brown. Due to an unfortunate clerical error, the Internal Revenue Service has miscalculated your federal taxes for the last ten years. Enclosed please find a check totaling $72,459.16, which includes all required interest for withheld funds . . . "


"Okay, if you can take off your sunglasses so I can get a good look at you . . . All right, I'm going to write down what I think your age is on my notepad here . . . Okay, how old are you? Seriously? (Sigh.) Okay, you can pick anything off the top shelf."
 
You know, usually I keep angelo on 'ignore,' but sometimes curiosity overcomes me and I go through the rigmarole to be able to read one of his posts, and i never regret the effort.
 
Yes, I think our quiet residential neighborhood would be a perfect place for this new large industrial or power facility.

What would I describe as my flaws? Well, I was fired from my last job for lying in the interview...

Hey, anyone else feel like having a conversation about race discrimination?
 
"What was that story again, about how your cat has ESP?"
"Can't somebody get some nutmeg up in this bitch?" (That's a steal from comedian Kyle Cease. He actually prefaced it by saying, 'Here's something you never hear anyone say.')
 
On a student's instructor evaluation form:

- Needs to assign more homework.

- Too much focus on own discipline, not enough attention to shared institutional goals and projects.

- Dresses well!
 
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