This 66-Year-Old Woman Is Suing All Gay People—Yes, All of Them

[ZiprHead]

https://time.com/3848666/nebraska-woman-sues-gays/

A Nebraska woman is suing every gay person on Earth and asking a federal judge to rule on whether homosexuality is a sin.

Sylvia Driskell, 66, describes herself as an ambassador of “God, And His, Son Jesus Christ [sic]” and will serve as her own lawyer in Driskell v. Homosexuals, NBC News reports. In her seven-page petition, written entirely in cursive, Driskell doesn’t reference any case laws for U.S. District Judge John M. Gerrard to consider, but she does quote the Bible and Webster’s Dictionary.

“I never thought that I would see a day in which our great nation or our own great state of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some people[’s] lewd behavior,” writes Driskell, who says “that homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet.”

 

[laughing dog]

I would like to see the list of the defendants in this lawsuit.

 

[Keith&Co.]

COOOL!! We're saved! Trump's economy boost!

So, 7.6 billion people on Earth.
Say 5% are gay? Just for a number. So, 380 million defendants.
30 million Americans just smashed onto Unemployment. Make each of them a process server...
Fudge the split so that no one serves their neighbor (or themselves), and that's a shot in the arm for airlines, hotels, taxis, restaurants....

Probably need to get those instant-hospital construction guys making class-action hotels in Nebraska, too.

 

[krypton iodine sulfur]

It's weird that God and Jesus were cool with her as ambassador, but apparently the Holy Spirit was just like, "Nah, fuck that noise."

As the self-declared ambassador for Odin, I'll be requesting intervener status for the defendants. While Odin himself can't be considered homosexual in the conventional sense, as a deific swinger who has taken a D or two in his day, the All-Father is open to being everyone's daddy regardless of gender, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. The path to Asgard is a rainbow bridge after all.

 

[Metaphor]

A Nebraska woman is suing every gay person on Earth and asking a federal judge to rule on whether homosexuality is a sin.

Sylvia Driskell, 66, describes herself as an ambassador of “God, And His, Son Jesus Christ [sic]” and will serve as her own lawyer in Driskell v. Homosexuals, NBC News reports. In her seven-page petition, written entirely in cursive,

I don't know why but that part is especially beautiful.

Reminds me of when Greece tried to sue "lesbians" because the name of the island Lesbos had been culturally appropriated by them:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2008/jun/10/gayrights.greece

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

This is the gayest lawsuit ever.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Driskell, who says “that homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet.”

Wait, weren't Xians in hiding at one point in the Roman Empire? Wouldn't that mean Xianity is a sin, and the Xians know it?

Plus, right after Jesus was nailed to a tree, didn't disciples hide that status? So, being Peter was a sin, and Peter knew it.

 

[Patooka]

This is the gayest lawsuit ever.

Speak for yourself. This is gonna be fabulous.

 

[repoman]

I thought it was going to be this woman

 

[Bronzeage]

Once the clerk of court explains that the defendants in a suit must be notified and there is a charge for this, she'll probably pare down the list.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Once the clerk of court explains that the defendants in a suit must be notified and there is a charge for this, she'll probably pare down the list.

She's CHOSEN of GAWD, though. Surely He will provide court costs, addresses, postage?

 

[Terrell]

What exactly does this woman expect the court to do?

 

[Metaphor]

I thought it was going to be this woman

That was fucking exquisite.

The last minute is beyond any comedy I could hope to write.

"Children in San Francisco had the worst scholastics, failing all subjects, all grade levels. They cry all day and rape each other hetero without being told not to."

"Give us your molested children, deranged by seeing only gays kissing"

"Bisexuals always become insane"

"Jesus was kissed by Judas, a homo, who tried to sabotage Jesus's kind ideas. Do you choose Jesus, a celibate, or Judas, a homo? You have to choose."

 

[Keith&Co.]

What exactly does this woman expect the court to do?

From her petition, judges "should not call god a lier" and stop homosexuals from marrying and from being parents. And liers, deceivers, and thieves. And the homosexuals should admit God loves them even though their homosexuals.

Because Sodom.

 

[Elixir]

COOOL!! We're saved! Trump's economy boost!

So, 7.6 billion people on Earth.
Say 5% are gay? Just for a number. So, 380 million defendants.
30 million Americans just smashed onto Unemployment. Make each of them a process server...
Fudge the split so that no one serves their neighbor (or themselves), and that's a shot in the arm for airlines, hotels, taxis, restaurants....

Probably need to get those instant-hospital construction guys making class-action hotels in Nebraska, too.

We also need the mandatory death sentence (with automatic forfeiture of all property to the claimant) for anyone later found out to have lied about being gay.

 

[krypton iodine sulfur]

Apparently the suit was already dismissed over a week ago. Clearly the work of a liberal elitist judge enacting the devil's will against the righteous. How long until the Obamas or the Clintons have Driskell taken out?

I am willing to entertain an alternative theory that Driskell is just a troll, dreaming big and having a laugh after one too many 'Ok boomer's pushed her over the edge.

 

[Bomb#20]

I would like to see the list of the defendants in this lawsuit.

Since Jesus notoriously had a thing for Mary Magdalene, and, being the product of a virgin birth, necessarily possessed no Y chromosome, well, do the math.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I'd like to see the countersuit--asking for Christianity to be declared a sin.

After all, is there a Christian out there that hasn't sinned against their own beliefs? They're all sinners!