What if . . .

[DLH]

You should get together with No Robots, he says the world is becoming Jewish and it will usher in a new word order.

I thought that happened over a hundred years ago. Well, my work has nothing to do with the world. Especially Phase II.

 

[pood]

Oh nos! Phase II is coming! Seeing what a complete flop Phase i was, I hope you do better, and I hope your next phase includes that macroevolution thread you touted.

Phase I was a success. It took longer than it normally does, but it was undoubtedly a success. Otherwise I wouldn't be moving on to Phase II.

Maybe you spell out for the rest of us the nature of your “success.” If it was making you feel like a persecuted martyr in heathen land, then job well done.

 

[ideologyhunter]

I begin to see the pattern in DHL's posts. It has taken the equivalent of 35 years of study but it has paid off in metaphorical gold.

I. The End Times will occur when certain specific conditions are met. First, a 50-meter-tall silo must be constructed in the desert. Any desert. On its outer surface must appear the phrase from Genesis 43:23, painted by Banksy: "The Lord has given you treasure in your sacks." It must be filled to within a meter of its top with Marmite. The exhumed bodies of Giuseppe Garibaldi and Sophie Tucker, wrapped in Temple curtains, will be lowered by derrick and winch into the silo. Every head shall be bowed, every knee bent. No peeking.
II. At this point, after an ad from PetMeds, which you can skip at the 10 second mark: the Seven Sisters of the Pleiades, the G8 countries, the 9 Muses, the 10 Commandments, and the 11 secret herbs and spices shall all coalesce.
III. All petulant children, idiotic narcissistic ideologues, and in general, stupid people, will be put on Ignore by God. Any God. The one that's a candy bar, if you will.
IV. The iiidb website will become a jerboa sitting on a rock in the Libyan desert, which will suddenly and with great surprise come to life, and go leaping from rock to rock, pursuing its pleasures.
V. All scripture ever written will become the verb 'amortize', to be referenced hereon mainly in schedules of loan fees.
VI. The Gulf of America will be renamed Ned.
All of the above shall be known as the Dispensation of the Saved. What appears random will reveal its deep, deep meaning. And the candy bar god shall emerge from its wrapper and say: I KNOW MINE, AND MINE KNOW ME.

 

[DBT]

How many would believe in and worship 'God' if there was no reward on offer, with no promise of eternal life and no favours granted in this life?

You only believe truth if you can benefit from it?

The question was, how many would believe in and worship 'God' if there was no reward on offer, with no promise of eternal life and no favours granted in this life?

Whether there actually is or isn't a God is not the point of the question.

 

[steve_bank]

You should get together with No Robots, he says the world is becoming Jewish and it will usher in a new word order.

I thought that happened over a hundred years ago. Well, my work has nothing to do with the world. Especially Phase II.

I agree your work has nothing to do with the world, it is all an imaginary fantasy in your head.

Is phase 3 being ascended into heaven?

 

[steve_bank]

DLH, there are benefits to being atheist.

For example discounts at participating businesses and our monthly orgies. Sometimes we really cut loose and get naked howling at the Moon. It is very cathartic.

We have a good medical plan hat includes dental.

I think I get it. Some people play golf or chess, some garden, some paint or play an instrument, some like to cook for pass times.

Others worship a god and preach a scripture. I suppose it keeps boredom at bay.

 

[pood]

Have we started Phase II yet?

 

[Michael S. Pearl]

The question was, how many would believe in and worship 'God' if there was no reward on offer, with no promise of eternal life and no favours granted in this life?

Putting aside the matter of what worship means or entails, the answer is: More than zero.

 

[pood]

Jehovah’s Witness believe that a “little flock” of precisely 144,000 will go to heaven to be with Jehovah and his “archangel” Jesus (not his son). The rest can go eff themselves apparently, though there is something in there about a post-millennial cleansing of some other miscreants who did not make the first cut. I reckon DLH’s “mission” here, with its “phases,” is to demonstrate to wrathful Jehovah that he deserves to be in the select “little flock.”

 

[pood]

I imagine there’s a health and safety issue in heaven. Probably there is a sign hanging over the Pearly Gates: Occupancy is strictly limited to 144,000 souls by order of the Supernatural Health Department (SHD).

 

[ideologyhunter]

Jehovah’s Witness believe that a “little flock” of precisely 144,000 will go to heaven to be with Jehovah and his “archangel” Jesus (not his son). The rest can go eff themselves apparently, though there is something in there about a post-millennial cleansing of some other miscreants who did not make the first cut. I reckon DLH’s “mission” here, with its “phases,” is to demonstrate to wrathful Jehovah that he deserves to be in the select “little flock.”

I know they get this from Revelation, the Bible's acid trip. I don't know enough about the JW theology to know if they think that 144,000 is the absolute cap on Heaven's residency permits. (Partly because if Watchtower is any clue, their official writings seem to come from robots. Partly because once you know about their deadly fixation on blood transfusions, you can see absolute evil flowing from faith. In my case, I don't want to read a lot about their delusions.) Revelation 7 doesn't appear to say that no one will be allowed in, after 144,000 -- it just quotes John as having a vision of seeing this crowd. (If he sees them, then apparently he's not one of them. Make any sense??)
Wikipedia says there are over 118,000 JW congregations, and 8.8 million members. Doesn't that mean that, if you started with an uninhabited heaven, that 59 out of 60 of 'em wouldn't make the cut? But really, none would, because the church has been around for 150 years, so they'd have reached capacity over a century ago. I'm sure there's some god-awful rationalization about the 144,000 compared to those numbers, but I don't have half an hour to donate to a JW. A much better solution would be to have someone who knows the answer to post it on this thread, hopefully with a dose of snark.
(Googled.)
I think I just found the dumb answer -- the overflow will get to live on earth, when it is redeveloped as a paradise, like what Trump's gonna do with Gaza in the weeks ahead.

 

[unapologetic]

Phase 1 was probably just to stay here without getting banned.

The question was, how many would believe in and worship 'God' if there was no reward on offer, with no promise of eternal life and no favours granted in this life?

Why would an 'all powerful' immortal need or want ANY mortals to believe or worship?
Any of us who would require the worship of ants, would be considered psyco/broken.
An 'all powerful' god that requires worship is a stupid concept.

 

[Michael S. Pearl]

Phase 1 was probably just to stay here without getting banned.

The question was, how many would believe in and worship 'God' if there was no reward on offer, with no promise of eternal life and no favours granted in this life?

Why would an 'all powerful' immortal need or want ANY mortals to believe or worship?
Any of us who would require the worship of ants, would be considered psyco/broken.
An 'all powerful' god that requires worship is a stupid concept.

If I adore You out of fear of Hell, burn me in Hell!
If I adore you out of desire for Paradise,
Lock me out of Paradise.

- Rabia of Basra

 

[pood]

I get the need for a strict occupancy cap in heaven. Yay! Hovah is no doubt a responsible landlord (cloudlord?) and once you get beyond the Pearly Gates and they clang shut behind you, you’re in there for good. It’s like in that movie A Bronx Tale, where the neighborhood mob boss locks the bar door on the biker gang inside and tells them, “Now youse can’t leave.” Heaven is like that. It’s not that nobody ever wants to leave it, as is commonly supposed; rather, it’s that nobody can leave it. And there are no other means of egress or fire escapes. Anything more than 144,000 would pose a supernatural fire hazard, and those are the worst kind. Because it’s heaven, the fire would burn for eternity, and then heaven would instantly be transformed into — hell.

 

[steve_bank]

Heaven is like Dr Who's TARDIS, bigger on the inside than outside.

Wow, we are creatine theology.

 

[pood]

Jehovah’s Witness believe that a “little flock” of precisely 144,000 will go to heaven to be with Jehovah and his “archangel” Jesus (not his son). The rest can go eff themselves apparently, though there is something in there about a post-millennial cleansing of some other miscreants who did not make the first cut. I reckon DLH’s “mission” here, with its “phases,” is to demonstrate to wrathful Jehovah that he deserves to be in the select “little flock.”

I know they get this from Revelation, the Bible's acid trip. I don't know enough about the JW theology to know if they think that 144,000 is the absolute cap on Heaven's residency permits. (Partly because if Watchtower is any clue, their official writings seem to come from robots. Partly because once you know about their deadly fixation on blood transfusions, you can see absolute evil flowing from faith. In my case, I don't want to read a lot about their delusions.) Revelation 7 doesn't appear to say that no one will be allowed in, after 144,000 -- it just quotes John as having a vision of seeing this crowd. (If he sees them, then apparently he's not one of them. Make any sense??)
Wikipedia says there are over 118,000 JW congregations, and 8.8 million members. Doesn't that mean that, if you started with an uninhabited heaven, that 59 out of 60 of 'em wouldn't make the cut? But really, none would, because the church has been around for 150 years, so they'd have reached capacity over a century ago.

Well, the cult may be only 150 years old, but the Yah! Hovah it worships has been around for at least 2,000 years. But it all makes perfect sense if we suppose that the Lord High admits only one dead soul per century to pass through the Pearly Gates. In that case, there would still be only about 20 people in heaven, with room for plenty more. Also, of course, such sparse occupancy minimizes the chances of hellfire breaking out.

 

[ideologyhunter]

I bet the JWs have it all wrong. Look how they turned old dietary law into a ban on blood transfusions.
In all likelihood, heaven is one ginormous Christian ghetto, with the most boring, snooty, culture-deprived souls there could be. Have you seen tables of these gobblers at after-church gatherings at Bob Evans?
Overcrowding breeds resentment, the need for extra privilege, long lines, and Karen behavior. Don't tell me that there hasn't been the ultimate scandal up there. Nothing sex-related, but murder one. All it would take is for some gangsta Christian to play gospel rap while strolling through an enclave of Cristy Lane fans. "Hey, turn that shit down!!"
"Did you just say 'shit'?"
"I did, because we're listening to One Set of Footprints in the Sand, and you're playing that awful noise. What kind of Christian are you? You better believe I'm telling Jesus about this."
"I'm playing Christian rap is what I'm playing."
"You're not a Christian, you're just an old-fashioned asshole."
"Did you just say 'asshole'?? And you're going to tattle on me? What kind of Christian are you??"
"Come a little closer and I'll put something hot on your ass. Then you'll know what kind of Christian I am."
Two hours later, the gangsta is found behind a crate of harps, dead, his head caved in with a solid gold cobblestone and his boom box in pieces. Murder had come to Heaven.

Now streaming on Hulu, Only Murders in the Heavenly City

 

[WAB]

Heaven is eternal oblivion. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to wait for. Nothing to regret. No pain, no dreams, no fussing, fussing, fretting, no hand wringing, no nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing at all.

 

[pood]

Heaven is eternal oblivion. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to wait for. Nothing to regret. No pain, no dreams, no fussing, fussing, fretting, no hand wringing, no nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing at all.

Not if NIetzsche’s Eternal Recurrence is true. Then we get to do this fucking shit all over again, again and again for eternity, without any memory of having done it before.

 

[steve_bank]

Can two angels be in the same space at the same time?

How many angels can fit in heaven?

How many angels can fit into an SUV?