The Paul
Member
Not that all of them are on your side, but there are a couple billion people in the world. Mountains like that one have been moved in the past. Maybe what it will take is a billion butter knives.
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What do you do about rape?
- Thread starter Rhea
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Not that all of them are on your side, but there are a couple billion people in the world. Mountains like that one have been moved in the past. Maybe what it will take is a billion butter knives.
The Paul
Member
I think to call them the toilet stall graffiti of the internet ignores their significant malign power. They're more like the mad prophecies of Abdul Alhazred of the internet.
fast
Contributor
Walk with them
On a side-note, a mountain is actually a bad analogy. With every new person born is a new potential assailant, so without some kind of fundamental change to global socialization, sexual violence is always going to be a problem.
That's why you can stop *a rape* from happening, but you can't stop *rape*.
Archimedes
Member
Honestly? I've never done anything actively in my life to prevent anyone from getting raped, or done anything to prevent anyone from any sort of assault or violent crime.
My dog once tried to hump a girl and I told him to sit and get off her.
I'm the greatest hero that's ever lived.
I'm the greatest hero that's ever lived.
Toni
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Really? Just don't rape women or walk them home or something similar: that's all you've got? I mean: thank you all for not being actual rapists but really??
How about stopping assaults when they are going down? I mean: I've done it myself, more than once and I'm not referring to stopping my own. Me, all 5 ft 1.something, something south of 100 lbs often mistaken for a 12 year old me. You know how? Saying STOP. I am sure the glare was pretty intimidating, too. The body language was as intimidating as I could make it, adrenalin helping. But seriously:
You can't shut down 'jokes' about raping a woman? About how much she must like it rough? About how no doesn't really mean no but certainly means yes? Really? THAT is too much effort?
What the fuck is wrong with people? Don't more sober and/or decent individuals of any gender shut down someone who is attempting to take advantage of a more vulnerable person? Even more so if the vulnerable person seems to be uncomfortable or trying to protest or get away? Or is obviously pretty drunk? Really? Crap: it doesn't even need to be particularly confrontational. I can remember being at one of my first parties and the guy who gave me a ride to the party was suddenly trying to stick his tongue down my throat. I was stunned enough that I wasn't sure how to get away and another guy---not my best buddy or a guy I ever dated or who ever wanted to date me saw my distress and simply started talking to aggressive tongue guy about the game and I could recover my composure enough to go find a ride home. Hell, none of us was Jewish but my rescuer and most guys---and girls knew how to be a mensch.
I mean it's not like I'm calling for boycotts of film and television which rely on rape as a plot device rather than actually write for and develop female characters, all the while ignoring the fact that men are also rape victims.
Just: be a mensch.
It's not that hard. Even a woman can do it.
How about stopping assaults when they are going down? I mean: I've done it myself, more than once and I'm not referring to stopping my own. Me, all 5 ft 1.something, something south of 100 lbs often mistaken for a 12 year old me. You know how? Saying STOP. I am sure the glare was pretty intimidating, too. The body language was as intimidating as I could make it, adrenalin helping. But seriously:
You can't shut down 'jokes' about raping a woman? About how much she must like it rough? About how no doesn't really mean no but certainly means yes? Really? THAT is too much effort?
What the fuck is wrong with people? Don't more sober and/or decent individuals of any gender shut down someone who is attempting to take advantage of a more vulnerable person? Even more so if the vulnerable person seems to be uncomfortable or trying to protest or get away? Or is obviously pretty drunk? Really? Crap: it doesn't even need to be particularly confrontational. I can remember being at one of my first parties and the guy who gave me a ride to the party was suddenly trying to stick his tongue down my throat. I was stunned enough that I wasn't sure how to get away and another guy---not my best buddy or a guy I ever dated or who ever wanted to date me saw my distress and simply started talking to aggressive tongue guy about the game and I could recover my composure enough to go find a ride home. Hell, none of us was Jewish but my rescuer and most guys---and girls knew how to be a mensch.
I mean it's not like I'm calling for boycotts of film and television which rely on rape as a plot device rather than actually write for and develop female characters, all the while ignoring the fact that men are also rape victims.
Just: be a mensch.
It's not that hard. Even a woman can do it.
I don't know what I, as an individual male, can do to help protect women I don't know. The article does a really good job of illustrating how aware a woman feels she needs to be even while doing very mundane things like walking in her neighborhood.
I feel like whatever I could realistically do they're already on alert for and instead of seeing someone that just wants to help would instead see a potential threat.
I honestly don't know how you guys do it.
(((women)))
I feel like whatever I could realistically do they're already on alert for and instead of seeing someone that just wants to help would instead see a potential threat.
I honestly don't know how you guys do it.
(((women)))
Not to sound insensitive, but how much of a legitimate danger are they actually protecting themselves from? The vast majority of rapes are done by an acquaintance, so is there a significant risk that the average woman is facing by doing mundane things like walking in her neighbourhood?
Where the hell do you hang out?
I go out quite a bit and I've never been in a situation where I've seen an assault going down or getting ready to go down. If I did I'd like to think I'd step in and do something.
I feel your frustration but I think taking it out on people that are trying to figure out ways they could help is counterproductive and will make people defensive.
Kinda like I just got. :wave:
Shadowy Man
Contributor
Maybe this is more a statement about the kinds of people you consider it valuable to have personal relationships with.
As men I don't know if it's our place to tell women whether or not the danger they feel is legitimate or not. The fact is they feel the way they do.
No, it's not. I'm not friends with any misogynistic people, but I imagine that dynamic is the case for those who are in relationships with misogynistic people.
That's nonsensical. There are a bunch of people down in Texas right now who are seriously worried about the fact that Obama's about to drone them. As non-crazy people, is it not our place to tell them whether the danger they feel is legitimate or not because they feel the way they do?
Shadowy Man
Contributor
Fair enough... it can be the collective "you"... Certainly if misogynists are together they're not going to call each other out, but one should think about the group they're friends with...
Archimedes
Member
Same here. The reason I said I've done nothing is because it's never come up for me to pro-actively defend someone from being raped. I've never seen a woman being sexually assaulted and I've never done anything to prevent it as a result. People can hardly be chastised for not stepping in to stop crimes they'd never come across happening.
As for the remarks about not letting people get away with rape jokes, I regularly speak up against that kind of "humour" but I've never done so because it had anything to do with me thinking I might prevent anyone getting raped, anymore than I'll call someone out for homophobic or racist jokes because I think it might prevent violence against gays or blacks.
fast
Contributor
Rape in progress? Oh, that's another story altogether! I'm from the South, and I would step up and be a man. The last thing I would do is call 911, for the dangers are imminent and requires immediate action, so yes, I would do something, probably both verbally and physically.
Would I later be accused of a rash of things? Probably, but I'd rather be chastised for whatever twisted accusations come my way than to live with myself for not stepping up.
Toni
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On behalf of all of my gender, I would like to thank you for stepping up to let us know whether or not we have legitimate reasons to be afraid of sexual assault. And for comparing us with crazy people in Texas.
Here's a question (after you read the link). Men - what do you do to protect women from being raped?
(yes, of course, men are raped, too. Start your own thread for that, this is about a subset of rape)
Women don't protect women from being raped -- the actions mentioned are all to protect themselves (that is, a single woman, not "women") from being raped (except the buddy system mentioned which is mutual protection).
The main thing I do to reduce the incidence of rape is not rape anyone. It's a novel approach to crime reduction but I find it works for me.
But what I don't do is look at women taking defensive actions and then scream that they are blaming the victim (ie themselves) for taking the protective action.