That was a tad harsh, imo.
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I don't have to agree with that policy or like it.
But....you do agree with it.....because....you've been recommending it?
I am describing the world we live in.
I bet you wish you'd have had Thumpalumpacus as a manager then.
Oops. I thought you said, " I am describing the world
I live in".
Luckily, I don't live in such a world.
I'm pretty sure that if I understand ld's line of work correctly (he's in academia, I believe), he does not have a 'manager' nor would he welcome one. However, there would be an HR department and a process for reporting allegations of all sorts of misconduct, disputes, etc.
I would like to say that in my experience, it is not 'just a few' men who are responsible for sexual harassment of women. Oh, a few are responsible for the worst of it, sure. And I am also sure that it varies quite a bit by industry/field. Separate from actual sexual harassment is sexism where men (and sometimes women) believe and act in ways that indicate that only certain kinds of work or recreation is acceptable for certain genders. Gay men seem to get a pretty big pass as far as what is appropriate for their gender and what is not.
Please note that I identify myself as an extremely average woman, who has worked a number of kinds of jobs at various times in my life. I also took a big chunk of time out of the paid workforce to raise my children as daycare is extremely expensive and at a certain point, my husband outearned me and had more earning potential than I did, so it made sense.
As far as what I, personally, have dealt with, off the top of my head:
At a job when I was a college student:
I've been asked out by my supervisor. I did not take this as harassment so much as a misplaced offer on the part of a pretty lonely guy. I told him I had a boyfriend which was actually true but also was my default response when asked out by someone I didn't want to go out with. A lot of guys only understood no if it involved a boyfriend. In this case, it was both reflex and a desire for the supervisor to be able to save face as others were present when he asked me out.
I've been told to my face that I did not need to earn as much money as a male coworker because I am female
I've been told to wear my skirts shorter (skirt length had nothing to do with the job; I wore my skirts at a perfectly acceptable length for the work)
I had my ass grabbed by a customer while wearing this same skirt at this same family friendly restaurant during Sunday lunch rush
I was threatened with termination because a customer at the restaurant I worked at was upset when I jokingly called him out on an obvious come on--about the 50th or hundredth time and his friends at the table laughed.
I was asked pointed questions about my sex life and about women's sexual feelings repeatedly by a different supervisor.
I was told in great detail about the complaints this same supervisor had with his sex life with his (at the time) wife and listened to him talk about how he thought her gyno was somehow inappropriately involved with his wife.
I was asked about and treated to wild speculation by this same supervisor about how wild college girls were in bed and the sex lives of college girls.
I'm sure there were more but I honestly don't remember
At another job. This job was in the international community and work dress was very conservative, business type of attire:
I was asked how many men I had slept with
I got to hear lots of comments about my sex life and how quickly my body and sex life returned to it's pre-pregnancy state after returning from maternity leave. Note: These comments were from work friends/colleagues albeit only male ones, and I didn't feel intimidated by these comments, although I did not see them as work-appropriate. Or appropriate from anyone other than perhaps a very close friend. However, they were clearly intended with affection rather than to embarrass or demean me.
I got to hear a lot of speculation about my husband's ability to father a son since at the time, we were both strict vegetarians. Note: that pregnancy resulted in the birth of a son.
While immensely pregnant, I was pulled into the lap of a (much older) male coworker who tried to kiss me. I learned I was not the first or only young female who had this experience with this particular man.
I was unfortunately privy to lots of info about affairs/purported affairs between young single/female coworkers and older married superiors. Some of which was true, and some of which may not have been entirely true.
At one point, I, along with another female employee who was above me in rank spent some time discussing various birth control methods with a male supervisor who outranked us both by quite a lot. He was new to the country and his wife spoke no English. This was not in any way titillating or sexual. It was pretty rudimentary basic info. I did not consider this to be sexual harassment but it was clearly outside of the normal bounds of work duties for me or the other woman. Still, it was asked and answered in the spirit of trying to help guide someone so that he could better help his wife at upcoming medical appointments. It was really done in the spirit of friendship, rather than harassment or inappropriate behavior. This man was one of my very favorite co-workers of all time. He was kind and generous and very intelligent and very keen on learning as much as he could and also in helping me develop my professional career. This is the only thing that ever occurred that could be deemed inappropriate in any way. I thought it was a bit weird but not, in that context, inappropriate. My biggest concern was that his wife did not speak English and I did not speak enough of her language to be able to talk with her directly. I felt bad for her, in the circumstance she found herself. For those of you who are curious: it all got sorted out. No more unintended pregnancies.
At another job: A male co-worker of the same rank/job as myself often made seriously harassing comments to another very attractive female co-worker in an obvious attempt to assert dominance over her and to cause her shame and embarassment. He also made some pretty horrifying harrassing and sexist comments to me.
At various jobs, it has been widely speculated that women could not do or would not be interested in doing certain job duties (more mechanical) and that women were not good at math (although I could routinely perform simple calculations in my head much faster than the male coworkers could with a calculator). Young women who were recently married were assumed to be soon leaving on maternity leave, whether or not they were pregnant or expressed any hopes of having a child. This from male and female coworkers. Two of the three men I worked with whose wives had babies were promoted, although absolutely nothing had changed about their work habits/productivity as a result of their impending fatherhood. None of the women were promoted although they were, prior to, during and after their pregnancies, very reliable workers whose work did not suffer in any way because of their pregnancies or children. In fact, they took off (and were given) less time away from work than male co-workers who injured themselves playing basketball. Basketball was not a work-related activity.
One co-worker opined that he did not see why I was working since my husband had such a good paying job. Note: I never discussed my husband's compensation nor made any references to what we could or could not do because my husband earned so much money. My husband teaches at a university which means that he is paid well but we are not rich by American standards. Our combined income put us in the upper middle class.
One co-worker would often ask for hugs or back rubs but only from certain female co-workers.
I was drawn into a conversation with a male co-worker to try to get him to understand why it was inappropriate to refer to female co-workers as 'girl' in a professional setting. This was quickly followed up by an even more heated conversation about why it was inappropriate for him to refer to a black male coworker as 'boy.' This happened about a year ago.
Several of the male co-workers seemed to regard the women (same job/same duties/same qualifications, without regard to years of experience) as assistants, as being less interested in advancing their careers, and so on. Note: None of the supervisors, male or female, had this attitude. I noted zero sexism or harassment from anyone in a supervisory position. We were all given opportunity to work on various types of projects, and to take part in educational and training opportunities.
At one point, I worked with a fresh out of college young male who was very attractive, very smart, very personable. Other female colleagues were shocked and skeptical that he was interested in and good at cooking, sewing and design. They were especially attentive towards him. I found this to be very offensive. Male colleagues also speculated about what kinds of conquests he must be making. I also found this very offensive.
Another older female colleague and I were assumed to be much less computer literate than we were because we were older and female. I often showed younger co-workers how to use some aspects of various programs/functions. Note: I am not particularly computer savvy but I am competent. Note: our job often involved utilizing very specific, specially designed software programs. I was, in fact, much more computer competent than the other older female co-worker but also more computer/tech savvy than several of my male and younger female coworkers.
In my personal experience, the worst and most threatening conduct is only from a small number of persons. But generally, sexism is still quite widespread, in every workplace and in every industry. The last several instances were at an employer who is regularly ranked in the top 100 workplaces in the US.
