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Things that make you laugh...

Wife is home again, after taking care of her sister for the las part of December.
Completely forgot that when i programmed her sister's address into the GPS, i labeled it "Martha's House of Pancakes."
So every time she approached the house it announced "Martha's House of Pancakes, ahead, on the right."

Turns out not to be as cute and endearing as one might think.
 
thebeave said:
I take it your doghouse is heated?
Click to expand...

I'm relying heavily on her 'just glad to be home' post-drive shutdown.

Also, the one oerson who was in the car to hear "...of Pancakes" and ask WTF. Well, wife got to unload about her husband's childish form of humor...
 
In the grocery store:

"Customer service needed in the family planning section"

"Customer service needed in the family planning section"

"Customer service needed in the family planning section"

There must be an impatient fucker in aisle 15.
 
There's a status meeting my manager attends that asks, usually, for a summary from the previous month.
Today's meeting, the schedule asked for everything our unit has done this year.

Manager was quite delighted. It's the morning of the second business day of the year, haha. AA day's worth of status.

Didn't even bother to jimmy up a power point.

Only thing was, he found out when the guy in front of him described everything THEIR unit has done since the start of the FISCAL year back in October...
 
A guy who is new to the weapon system gave a presentation today.
Some time ago, he came to me to review certain aspects of his presentation.

I tried to correct his pronunciation of certain subsystems in the fire control system.

I don't know why, but out in the fleet, and therefore here:
Data Entry Subsystem (acronym DESS), the acronym is pronounced dess (to rhyme with bless).
Display and Control Subsystem (DCSS), the acronym is spelled out in conversation: Dee See Ess Ess.
Mass Memory Subsystem (MMSS), the acronym is pronounced Mass Memory.
The Hydraulic Security Alarm Panel (HSAP), the acronym is pronounced Hasp.

He thought I was messing with him, since there is no real pattern. Ignored my suggestions.

I guess the room burst out laughing when he announced a coming change to
(On screen: HSAP) He said: Aitch Sap.

When a manager heard that he actually rejected my help, and why, he snorted. "I wouldn't have thought he'd been here long enough to suspect you of fucking with him..."
 
So, wife broke her ankle falling on ice. I went to the pharmacy for her pain prescription. There was an old guy there thst caught my eye.
Looks like a military vet, WWII.
Ancient, stooped, wrinkled, and wearing the de rigueur blue ball cap. Terribly authentic ball cap, looks like somethinb he could have bought at any base exchange. Dark blue, gold embroidery, beaten from wear...


But the legend on the cap said PURPLE NAVY.


I have no fucking idea what that is even meant to convey. I have no referents. Just weird. And he was not of a generation i normally associate with letting the freak flag fly...
Told the wife about it later.
"Well, did you ask him?"
"Hell, no!"
"Why not?"
"I wasn't all that sure i wanted to know the answer..."
 
"Wearing purple is a military slang expression in the U.S., Canada and the U.K. for an officer who is serving in a joint assignment with another service; an Army officer on assignment to the Navy, an Air Force officer in the Marines, etc. The officer is symbolically putting aside his or her traditional uniform color and exclusive loyalty to their service during the joint assignment, though in fact they continue to wear their own service's uniform."

So the question then becomes, was he Navy assigned to the Air Force or Army assigned to the Navy?

(And what use would an Army Captain be on a destroyer?)
 
jonatha said:
So the question then becomes, was he Navy assigned to the Air Force or Army assigned to the Navy?

(And what use would an Army Captain be on a destroyer?)
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And a million years later he brags that he was loaned out, rather than just brag ARMY or NAVY (if i pegged his age, he served before there was an Air Force)? Possible but seems unlikely to me.

The Army did have three or four ships for a while. Supply ships going from base to base in island chains I remember a news story where one got transfered to a different set of islands, and they were out of sight of land for almost 40 hours!! Actually had to sleep while steaming, rather than park in a harbor every evening. Maybe he helped stand those up...
 
I Was A Cable Guy. I Saw The Worst Of America.

A glimpse of the suburban grotesque, featuring Russian mobsters, Fox News rage addicts, a caged man in a sex dungeon, and Dick Cheney.

[This is] what happened with the guy who was adding a swimming pool. The diggers had cut his line. I knew before I walked in. But he still wanted me to come stare at the blank cable box while we talked. I did because the Fox News cult loves to call in complaints about their rude techs.

I told him it would be a week, 7 to 10 days to get a new line. He said through his teeth he needed an exact day. I gave him my supervisor’s number. This whole time, his wife was in the kitchen wiping a clean counter.

I was filling out the work orders and emailing my supervisor to give him a heads-up on a possible call from a member of every cable tech’s favorite rage cult, when his wife knocked on my van window. She stepped back and called me “ma’am.” Which was nice. Her husband with the tucked-in polo shirt had asked my name and I told him Lauren. He heard Lawrence because it fit what he saw and asked if he could call me Larry. Guys like that use your name as a weapon. “Larry, explain to me why I had to sit around here from 1 to 3 waiting on you and you show up at 3:17. Does that seem like good customer service to you, Larry? And now you’re telling 7 to 10 days? Larry, I’m getting really tired of hearing this shit.” Guys like that, it was safer to just let them think I was a man.

She said she was sorry about him. I said, “It’s fine.” I said there really wasn’t anything I could do. She blinked back the flood of tears she’d been holding since God knows when. She said, “It’s just, when he has Fox, he has Obama to hate. If he doesn’t have that ...” She kept looking over her shoulder. She was terrified of him. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just need him to have Fox.”
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There is an odd habit in my house.
None of us shut the bathroom door all the way, when using the downstairs toilet. It's almost always left open a crack...
I don't know why, but all five of us do it, have for 18 years.

Thrre was no formal discussion, but it seems pretty standardized. If the light is off and the door is open wide: no one is in there.
If the light is on, door open wide: someone is using the sink or laundry.
Door open a crack, light on: toilet in use.
Door shut all the way, light off: unoccupied, and an attempt at noise reduction of the dryer.
Door shut all the way, light on: no idea. Better check it out.

Weird how we silently calibrated each other to do this.

Now, three girlfriends and one fiance have been in the house, and we have briefed them on this habit. Just to avoid unpleasant surprises.
"While you're here, we will TRY to remember not to open the door if it's shut. Promise. Don't we, guys? Promise?" We all promise.




Strangely, they have not been reassured, tho we ARE sincere.

All four of them have held it in as long as possible, then shut the door, locked it, and dragged the laundry shelves over to block the door.
Every one.
After the first girlfriend, i put a sign on t he back of the door. "DO NOT BLOCK DOOR WITH FURNITURE! It will make it harder to escape if there are coyotes."

One ignored the sign.

One shouted, "I'll risk it!" Which made me me laugh, but no one else had noticed the sign, so yhat was confusing.

And the fiance came out later, singled ME out (...somehow...?), looked me in the eyes, and said, "Fuck your coyotes."

Welcome to the family, sweetheart, you'll fit right in.
 
I keep a book in the car, something to read at doctor waiting rooms, restaurant lobbies, parked outside of my son's job, waiting to pick him up...

Gave son and a coworker a ride, started talking to friend about books. She declared herself a bibliophile.
As it happened, the book in the car came up. I took it out to show her the author's name. Found that when i put the book away, i folded the cover.

I apologized and tried smooth it out, apologized once more.

She turned to my son. "Is it your book?"
Son didn't look up from his phone. "He is not apologizing to me."

She may reevaluate using the term bibliophile. At least not without a qualifier? She could maybe say, "I am a sane bibliophile," maybe, just to slide a divider between her and, well, some people.
 
Keith&Co. said:
I keep a book in the car, something to read at doctor waiting rooms, restaurant lobbies, parked outside of my son's job, waiting to pick him up...

Gave son and a coworker a ride, started talking to friend about books. She declared herself a bibliophile.
As it happened, the book in the car came up. I took it out to show her the author's name. Found that when i put the book away, i folded the cover.

I apologized and tried smooth it out, apologized once more.

She turned to my son. "Is it your book?"
Son didn't look up from his phone. "He is not apologizing to me."

She may reevaluate using the term bibliophile. At least not without a qualifier? She could maybe say, "I am a sane bibliophile," maybe, just to slide a divider between her and, well, some people.
Click to expand...

Okay? So what was the book?
 
paladin.oa said:
Okay? So what was the book?
Click to expand...
Oh, the book was okay, once I flattened her cover.

The Brimstone Deception (SPI Files Book 3) by Lisa Shearin. I wasn't sure how to pronounce the last name so I just showed it to her.

Kind of an X-files meets Supernatural, Bureau 13 mystery series.
 
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