James Brown
Veteran Member
...because he saw something on Youtube.
-
Features
Things that make you laugh...
- Thread starter Angry Floof
- Start date
...because he saw something on Youtube.
thebeave
Contributor
I think Buzz Aldrin needs to set Steph Curry straight. Fucking moron:
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OROlF8zB9z0[/YOUTUBE]
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OROlF8zB9z0[/YOUTUBE]
Keith&Co.
Contributor
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2006
- Messages
- 22,444
- Location
- Far Western Mass
- Gender
- Here.
- Basic Beliefs
- I'm here...
A couple at Wendy's (burger joint if there's anywhere on the planet not familiar with the chain) today. I paid them no attention until He slammed the table, said, "I'm tired of you always bossing me around!" Put his food and drink on the tray, and moved to the next table. But tge nearest table was one that held six diners.
She looked around and said, "Oh, honey, they're too busy for you to take up a big table, take one of the two-seaters by the window."
And he said, "Good idea," and moved.
She looked around and said, "Oh, honey, they're too busy for you to take up a big table, take one of the two-seaters by the window."
And he said, "Good idea," and moved.
I thought Wendy's was an ice cream place. Huh.
Keith&Co.
Contributor
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2006
- Messages
- 22,444
- Location
- Far Western Mass
- Gender
- Here.
- Basic Beliefs
- I'm here...
My wife softly sang, "I'm a little tea-cup."
"Wow! Alll these years, i thought you were saying D-cup! I am impressed!"
So i get to stay up late, surfing the net, the whole couch to myself...
"Wow! Alll these years, i thought you were saying D-cup! I am impressed!"
So i get to stay up late, surfing the net, the whole couch to myself...
thebeave
Contributor
Was at the grocery store a couple of months ago buying groceries from a cashier named Chip (per his nametag). I use a debit card for purchases that has a bad security chip on it, so it sometimes doesn't work, and I have to use the magnetic stripe instead. So, anyway, I insert my card, the display says Chip Malfunction, and the sale doesn't go through. I said to him, "It says Chip Malfunction. What is it you are doing wrong?!". He replies back in a serious tone, "the problem is with your card, sir". Not amused. I figured he was too dense to get my joke, or more likely, he's heard it 50,000 times already and is over-the-top annoyed at this point. Anyway, it was a thing that made me laugh, but not everyone obviously.
Are these people aware that thousands of people watched ten story rockets lift off? Was that just part of the smoke and mirrors to carry out the deception?
James Brown
Veteran Member
Yes. Per the argument, those were unmanned rockets that didn't go into space but crashed in the ocean.
So she's a giantess? That's the only way I see "little" and "T-cup" being compatible.
The dangers of small fonts:
I've got a game of Kerbal Space Program up on a monitor with a pretty small dot pitch and a little bit too far away to be in perfectly sharp focus with my glasses. I have the MechJeb maneuver planner open. It certainly looks like it says "Schedule the bum".
I've got a game of Kerbal Space Program up on a monitor with a pretty small dot pitch and a little bit too far away to be in perfectly sharp focus with my glasses. I have the MechJeb maneuver planner open. It certainly looks like it says "Schedule the bum".
George S
Veteran Member
Continuing the body part theme,
Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder
Like a Continental soldier.
Do your ears hang low?
I was told* the original was really about a pair of body parts that sometimes does hang low. And that the original was directed as an insult to the Continental Army.
* A self-styled "expert" on the era. But it made me laugh.
Keith&Co.
Contributor
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2006
- Messages
- 22,444
- Location
- Far Western Mass
- Gender
- Here.
- Basic Beliefs
- I'm here...
Just got a note from my wife.
IT's the last day of school before vacation, and the inmates (those who showed up) are bouncing off the walls.
One kept loudly complaining about something to do with his eye.
My wife suggested my ophthalmologist. He didn't know the word.
"It's the guy who sticks needles in his eye."
Shock and horror ran rampant.
"Does that HURT!?"
"Yes."
"Don't they give him the pain... killer.... stuff..." Love the vocabulary of the modern student.
"Yes, a surface anesthetic. But the inside of the eye still feels the pain."
"Why don't they give him a shot?"
"Well, the nerves for the eye are through the optic nerve. That's in the back of the eye. To put a shot there, they have to PUT THE NEEDLE THROUGH THE EYE TO GET TO IT."
Then she offered to stop talking about my procedures if they would shut up and finish the worksheet in silence.
....like a tomb.
IT's the last day of school before vacation, and the inmates (those who showed up) are bouncing off the walls.
One kept loudly complaining about something to do with his eye.
My wife suggested my ophthalmologist. He didn't know the word.
"It's the guy who sticks needles in his eye."
Shock and horror ran rampant.
"Does that HURT!?"
"Yes."
"Don't they give him the pain... killer.... stuff..." Love the vocabulary of the modern student.
"Yes, a surface anesthetic. But the inside of the eye still feels the pain."
"Why don't they give him a shot?"
"Well, the nerves for the eye are through the optic nerve. That's in the back of the eye. To put a shot there, they have to PUT THE NEEDLE THROUGH THE EYE TO GET TO IT."
Then she offered to stop talking about my procedures if they would shut up and finish the worksheet in silence.
....like a tomb.
Keith&Co.
Contributor
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2006
- Messages
- 22,444
- Location
- Far Western Mass
- Gender
- Here.
- Basic Beliefs
- I'm here...
My Youngest is cooking tonight. The meal includes caramelized onions. He put the finished onions into a bowl and offered me a taste.
They are PIPING hot. Too hot to hold the bowl by anything but the brim.
I take a spoonful. A teaspoon of onion lava drops onto my cupped hand. Hot. Hothothot.
It's painfully obvious (literally) i do not want to hold this. Because pain.
But I'm sitting over carpet, so i cannot let it fall to the floor (also, why i cupped my hand, having not been raised by wolves).
I don't remember thinking this thru specifically, but i suspect i did not heave it to the trash because that would be a waste of food. See wolves above.
So, brilliant me, i swiftly solve the pain in my hand by popping the food into my mouth. It's, like, where food goes, right?
Sweet Elektra mother of harpies that hurts.
And Youngst witnesses this. Whole thing. "Oh!" Then "Ow!" Then "Aw fuuh-hing het!"
I have to give him props for not laughing TOO loudly at my torment, but it is clear there is no point in asking him not to mention this when Mom comes home, or Kevin, or anyone at his job, people at MY job, distant relatives, random strangers who need a laugh, my mortal enemies, websites dedicated to dumb things people do....
They are PIPING hot. Too hot to hold the bowl by anything but the brim.
I take a spoonful. A teaspoon of onion lava drops onto my cupped hand. Hot. Hothothot.
It's painfully obvious (literally) i do not want to hold this. Because pain.
But I'm sitting over carpet, so i cannot let it fall to the floor (also, why i cupped my hand, having not been raised by wolves).
I don't remember thinking this thru specifically, but i suspect i did not heave it to the trash because that would be a waste of food. See wolves above.
So, brilliant me, i swiftly solve the pain in my hand by popping the food into my mouth. It's, like, where food goes, right?
Sweet Elektra mother of harpies that hurts.
And Youngst witnesses this. Whole thing. "Oh!" Then "Ow!" Then "Aw fuuh-hing het!"
I have to give him props for not laughing TOO loudly at my torment, but it is clear there is no point in asking him not to mention this when Mom comes home, or Kevin, or anyone at his job, people at MY job, distant relatives, random strangers who need a laugh, my mortal enemies, websites dedicated to dumb things people do....
Don2 (Don1 Revised)
Contributor
From the Hologic website:
When marketing departments come up with names for their companies and products, their teams should include ordinary people well-versed in all kinds of slang and common words.
https://www.hologic.com/about/gyn-surgical-solutions
When marketing departments come up with names for their companies and products, their teams should include ordinary people well-versed in all kinds of slang and common words.
James Brown
Veteran Member
Elixir
Made in America
Amazon's Alexa Told A Customer To Kill Their Foster Parents
Amazon realizes that this tech is in its infancy - or toddler stage, at best. They gracefully acknowledge that "there is a possibility that a socialbot may accidentally ingest or learn from something inappropriate".
NO SHIT?
Amazon realizes that this tech is in its infancy - or toddler stage, at best. They gracefully acknowledge that "there is a possibility that a socialbot may accidentally ingest or learn from something inappropriate".
NO SHIT?
Keith&Co.
Contributor
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2006
- Messages
- 22,444
- Location
- Far Western Mass
- Gender
- Here.
- Basic Beliefs
- I'm here...
Sister-in-law was hospitalized right before Solstice. Wife has been in Philadelphia since then.
Gave her phone number to the admitting nurse, never made it into the chart.
Wrote her number on the room white-board. They erased it when they moved her to a new room. She wrote it on the new board.
Came in tiday, heard that the case manager wanted to talk to her, didn't have her number. "I wrote it right-"
They erased it to write a positive quote in the NOTES section.
SIL's kidneys are failing, there is talk of dialysis, she is bedridden, the govt. is decreasing her benefits, and they want her to be of good cheer.
My first suggestion is to write yhe number on SIL's face, but we know that i am not allowed out without a keeper, and this is why.
Thing is, she did not reject the idea... Not immediately, not after a laugh, not with a 'i wish...' She cannot be THAT fed up with the bureaucracy, can she?
So i ask her to send me a picture when she does this. She will either laugh or say, if only.
She says, instead, cannot use her phone on that floor of the hospital.
Oh, shucky, what HAVE i done?
Gave her phone number to the admitting nurse, never made it into the chart.
Wrote her number on the room white-board. They erased it when they moved her to a new room. She wrote it on the new board.
Came in tiday, heard that the case manager wanted to talk to her, didn't have her number. "I wrote it right-"
They erased it to write a positive quote in the NOTES section.
SIL's kidneys are failing, there is talk of dialysis, she is bedridden, the govt. is decreasing her benefits, and they want her to be of good cheer.
My first suggestion is to write yhe number on SIL's face, but we know that i am not allowed out without a keeper, and this is why.
Thing is, she did not reject the idea... Not immediately, not after a laugh, not with a 'i wish...' She cannot be THAT fed up with the bureaucracy, can she?
So i ask her to send me a picture when she does this. She will either laugh or say, if only.
She says, instead, cannot use her phone on that floor of the hospital.
Oh, shucky, what HAVE i done?
So who is watching you while she's gone?
hurtinbuckaroo
Contributor
Probably everyone.
Since Mom had a hand in raising the kids, they are probably prepared. She probably alerts the neighbors as well.