Trump enters the Senate, waving a phone.
Trump: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The Senate Majority Leader does not respond.)
T: 'Ello, Miss?
McConnell: What do you mean "miss"?
T: I'm sorry, I only have one bar in here. I wish to make a complaint!
M: We're closin' for Valentine’s Day.
T: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Compromise what I authorized not half an hour ago from this very Senate.
M: Oh yes, the, uh, the Government Budget Compromise...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
T: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It’s not working, that's what's wrong with it! I’m not getting my Wall!
M: Well, yeah, that’s what a shutdown is, mate. The government not working. But we’re getting you a Wall.
T: Look, my lad, I know a Wall when I see one, and I'm NOT looking at one right now.
M: No no it’s coming! Remarkable tactic, the Government Shutdown, idn'it, ay? Beautiful headlines!
T: The headlines don't enter into it. It's failing.
M: Nononono, no, no! It’s working! The Dems are JUST about to give in.
T: All right then, if it's working, I'll test it! (shouting at the phone) 'Ello, Nancy! I've got a very scary Mexican to show you if...(McConnell waves his hand across the screen)
M: There, they blinked!
T: No, they didn't, that was you waivin’ yer hand!
M: I never!!
T: Yes, you did!
M: I never, never did anything...
T: (yelling and hitting the phone repeatedly) 'ELLO NANCY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your invasion alarm call! (Takes phone and thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
T: Now that's what I call a not-panicked-negotiator.
M: No, no.....No, they’re stunned!
T: STUNNED?!?
M: Yeah! You stunned ‘em, just as she was givin’ up! Democrat women stun easily, major.
T: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That budget is definitely wall-deficient, and when I authorized it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of barricade was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged shutdown.
M: Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for the immigrants.
T: PININ' for the IMMIGRANTS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why didn’t she fall flat on his back the moment I asked for a Wall?
M: The Democrat Female prefers standing at a podium! Remarkable budget, id'nit, squire? Lovely headlines!
T: Look, I took the liberty of examining that budget when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it mentioned the border at all was to say there would be no wall, there.
(pause)
M: Well, o'course there’s no WALL there! If I hadn't nailed that bit down, Nancy would have taken it to the window, opened her up, and VOOM! Another shutdown! You’ll get the wall in separate legislation.
T: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this budget wouldn't "voom" if you put four million bricks through it! 'E's bleedin' wall-less!
M: No no! It’s coming!
T: It’s not coming! It’s passed on! This Wall is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and never to meet its maker! Its a stiff! Bereft of funding, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it out of the budget, it might be blockin’ the Mexicans right now! THIS IS AN EX-WALL!!
(pause)
M: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
M: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of money.
T: I see. I see, I get the picture.
M: I got a State Of The Union address.
(pause)
T: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it stop invaders?
M: Not really.
T: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?