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Australian Federal Election 2025. (AKA thank you President Trump)

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Patooka

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So I guess I should start with some context. I'm typing this on a Sunday morning after election night. I currently work in the hospitality industry and I both live and work in the electorate of Mitchell in New South Wales. The electorate of Mitchell is one of the top 5 safest Liberal (read: conservative) seats in the country (think of the Liberal Party as the Lindsey Graham-esque part of the US Republicans - they'll support Trump but are too chicken shit to speak out against him when he's being a cunt).

So my Saturday went off to a bad start. I had to vote at a voting station that didn't serve any Democracy Sausage at fucking all. It was at a public school where I know for a fucking fact they served sangas every election for the last 15 years at least. But I was working yesterday so what can you do? My options were for my district pretty much boiled down to ,"Which flavour of Christian White Nationalism would you prefer?" Vanilla (Liberal), Extreme (Pauline Hanson's Pauline Hanson's One Nation Party led by Pauline Hanson) or batshit crazy extreme (Trumpets of Patriots god fucking save us and I'm an atheist)

Remember when I pointed out I work in hospitality? The club I work at rented out a venue for the Australian Liberal Party last night. So they could watch the results and get shitfaced, I suppose. On top of which, there was a George Michael Tribute Band performing in the auditorium that holds 400 people. I was going into work with no democracy sausage into a club of 1980s nostalgia boomers in one of the safest conservative seats in the fucking country entertaining the fucking former Minister of Defense. I was in the middle of "Fuck you Patooka, you are living smack bang right in the middle of conservative-stan"

And with hindsight I fucking loved it

What a fucking bloodbath! Holy Shit! I always thought nationalism was a bad thing but fuck me sideways with a rusty railspike, I have never been more proud of my country than right now when we resoundly rejected Trumpism. The Liberals are almost on parity with the fucking Nationals! The Nationals were always the "hanger-on" part of the coalition but now they are equal partners? Fuck yeah! More importantly...

Drum roll......


Drum roll....

Dutton the the cunt lost his seat!.

www.theage.com.au

Dutton loses seat of Dickson in heavy Coalition defeat

Peter Dutton has lost his seat, becoming the first federal opposition leader to suffer such a loss and leaving a gaping hole for the Coalition.
www.theage.com.au www.theage.com.au

That's right! Shitty Ru Paul lost his seat! Politically, he's fucked! I started work yesterday like the grumpy old fuck from Up. I finished work early this morning with a giant erection and everybody on cheering me on.

Today is a good day, and my dick is still hard.
 
The forces of small l liberalism fighting back. Very happy to see it. Starting to see some sparks of real change possible in Hungary as well. May the trend continue and may we come out the other side from this period of liberal democratic set back.
 
I was working until 5pm, and stopped at Mabel Park School to vote on my way home (as usual), only to discover that the school is no longer a voting place for federal elections. So I made a mad dash up to Harris Fields, and got there just before they closed.

Harris Fields is the strongest Labor booth in Rankin, which is a rusted on safe ALP seat (our MP is the Treasurer, Jim Chalmers, who was so comfortable with his position that he spent the night at the ABC studios as part of their panel). He had a 9.1% margin going in to the poll, and currently is showing a further 7.4% swing in his favour.

The only person left handing out HTVs was the ALP booth captain, all the others had given up and gone home.

I did however notice that someone had drawn a "Groucho Marx" glasses and moustache on the poster for QLD Senate candidate Gerrard Rennick. It wasn't until I was leaving that I got a closer look, and realised that his poster hadn't been altered - that's just what he looks like.

According to the SMH, this was the best result in QLD for Labor since 2007.

I was expecting a small swing in our favour, but have to admit I was pretty shocked at how early in the count words like "thumping" and "landslide" started to be bandied about.

Mr Potatohead losing his seat was, of course, the canine's testicles.

All in all, a top night. The cherry on the top was that Leeds United scored in injury time just before midnight, to snatch the Championship from Burnley.
 
“A fresh basement of horrors.” I wish U.S. journalists were allowed to write stuff like this.
 
An analyst on the ABC attributed a major factor in Dutton's loss (and the LNP with him) to adversarial populism. This of course worked for Trump and the Republicans, but Dutton totally misread the electorate. Whilst Australia and USA have many cultural similarities (and also many differences) politically we are far apart. Again there are similarities with the political structure (as it was based on a mix of British Westminster system and US system, so aspects of Aussie constitution based on Amercian one, and we have a House of Representatives and a Senate), but then have huge differences with our voting system and also with "national personality". By the latter I mean Australian society and people are less inclined to accept bullshit such as that spewed by Trump. Trump would never get anywhere in Australia, which reminds me that his local imitator billionaire Clive Palmer and his Trumpet of Patriots Party won zero seats in the election (no surprise there).
 
Congratulations and a Big Thank You to Australia and Canada and the rest of the World who have not followed USA down the rabbit-hole of insanity.

Has the unofficial theme song of America's Democratic Party been heard recently? The video includes photos of all the Democratic Presidents since 1900 (as well as the GOP Potuses Teddy Rushmore and Dwight Overlord). At the risk of calling my centrist credentials into question I point out how closely the set of Great Presidents of the last century matches the set of Presidents from the Democratic Party (plus Teddy and Dwight).
 
bilby said:
@gmbteach and I agreed that if Clive Palmer ever becomes PM, we are leaving the country.

It wasn't, to be fair, a huge risk that we would have to follow through on that plan.
Click to expand...
If Palmer and his fuckwits won, my plan was to give all of my keys to RVonse and then dog paddle to the McDonald Islands and fuck humanity.
 
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The Libs would have lost even if Harris had been president but Trump did not help their cause.

They ran a piss-poor campaign. Had no idea what the populace really wanted or needed. (Like Harris actually)
 
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Patooka said:
bilby said:
@gmbteach and I agreed that if Clive Palmer ever becomes PM, we are leaving the country.

It wasn't, to be fair, a huge risk that we would have to follow through on that plan.
Click to expand...
If Palmer and his fuckwits won, my plan was to give all of my keys to RVonse and then dog paddle to the McDonald Islands and fuck humanity.
Click to expand...
I'd have not left the country is Palmer had won. But times would have been interersting.
Just remember Trumps's tariffs on the penguins on McDonald Islands.

Surely you'd rather have your house go to an Aussie rather than a septic?
 
Tigers! said:
bilby said:
@gmbteach and I agreed that if Clive Palmer ever becomes PM, we are leaving the country.

It wasn't, to be fair, a huge risk that we would have to follow through on that plan.
Click to expand...
To which better country would you go? Asking for a friend.
Click to expand...
We both have UK dual citizenship.

The UK isn't a better country - but it would be if, fatty Palmer was Aussie PM.
 
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