But Not You: Reminiscences on Race, Bigotry, and Trying to Get Along

[AthenaAwakened]

My father had a Jewish friend, Mr. Green. My father and Mr. Green would talk about all kinds of things like sports, politics, current events, the price of gas, when Nixon would be impeached, stuff like that.

They also talked about race and religion.

Every now and then my father would say something about Jewish people that was none too flattering and then tag it with, "But not you." Mr. Green would say something about black people, and tag it with "But not you." Both men thought they were doing the right thing. Both thought that since they had carved out an exception for the other, that proved they were not bigots.

They were both wrong.

For men of their time, they were both doing they best they could. They both fought in WWII. They both thought segregation was bad and Jackie Robinson was great. They split on Ali and Frasier, but that is story for another time.

When we moved from DC down here to NC, my Pop missed his friend and Mr. Green missed my Pop. I went to Mr. Green's granddaughter's bat mitzvah, because we were friends too, Mr. Green was genuinely saddened that Poppa couldn't make it.

I believed in their friendship but never really bought into the "But not you" thing. At first I didn't know why, but it seemed wrong. I never doubted the two men enjoyed each other's company, or were sincere when they said it, it just didn't sit right. And it didn't sit right because it wasn't right.

Race bigotry is the belief that a group of people are a certain way and that groups can be and/or should be ranked by various criteria. There will always be individuals who will break with the group and be exceptional, but the group, for the most part, will live up to or down to whatever are the beliefs about them are.

I have spent my whole life hearing, "But not you."

In every thing from winning spelling bees in elementary school, to writing and performing poetry, to teaching, to canvassing during campaigns, to singing in nightclubs, to doing diversity and intersectionality workshops, people have in one way or another said to me, "But not you."

To that, I'm saying here, "Yes, me."

I'm a black woman. And when called upon I can be any stereotype about black women you can think of, with the exception of Prissy, (I don't do stupid.) I can roll my eyes and roll my neck and pop gum.

I can also be Claire Huxtable, Barbara Jordan, or Ida B. Wells.

But the truth about racial bigotry is, it doesn't matter who or what I am, but how my group is seen. And that doesn't change. My politeness, my eloquence, my intellect, my humor can get anyone to like me the individual, but it can't disprove what people think about black people because once I'm made exceptional, I am no longer in that group, at least not in the mind of the person saying, "But not you."

And I have to earn "But not you" with everyone I meet.

Because racial bigotry is about the group to which I belong, and the first time people see me, they see my group identifiers, they assume I am like what they believe the group is like. I have to show them I am different or be treated not like me, or even a random white stranger, but like what my group is expected to be.

Don't get me wrong. My blackness is a part of me. It has shaped me, molded me, raised me to be who I am. I see the world through all parts of me and that includes being black in America. But my black experience is not your black stereotype.

I am not your negro.

And that is the trouble with "But not you."

It is meant to be a way of saying, "I see you as you."

What it really says is "I see you as me and not like them. They are still all that I think they are, but you are different."

And that's the problem.

 

[Worldtraveller]

Excellent. And just what's needed these days (although I'd add a 2 x 4 for some).

May I share this on FB? With whatever attribution you request.

 

[Angry Floof]

Excellent. And just what's needed these days (although I'd add a 2 x 4 for some).

May I share this on FB? With whatever attribution you request.

I would like to share it, too, if that's ok.

 

[Jolly_Penguin]

Athena,

This is worthy of not only being posted on Facebook, but being posted in a prominent magazine. Excellent work.

 

[steve_bank]

What you describe as the relationship between yout father and a Jewish friend is what we are lacking.

Open honest non confrontational discussion of perceptions. Simply being critical of or making an observation of anoter group is not in itself racist and should not be taken and twisted to the negative.

I have had a relationship with a black man older than me for 2 era's who grew up in Jim Crow La. When he mentions somebody out in the open around otters he tends to add race. I saw Joe yesterday, he's a white guy or a Jew and so ion, and we talked about this or that. Some around here consider him a black racists, which he is not.

There are cultural and ethnic differences among groups in the USA. Is it publically incorrect to talk about those differences?

 

[Tigers!]

What you describe as the relationship between yout father and a Jewish friend is what we are lacking.

Open honest non confrontational discussion of perceptions. Simply being critical of or making an observation of anoter group is not in itself racist and should not be taken and twisted to the negative.

I have had a relationship with a black man older than me for 2 era's who grew up in Jim Crow La. When he mentions somebody out in the open around otters he tends to add race. I saw Joe yesterday, he's a white guy or a Jew and so ion, and we talked about this or that. Some around here consider him a black racists, which he is not.

There are cultural and ethnic differences among groups in the USA. Is it publically incorrect to talk about those differences?

It seems in some quarters it is getting to the stage where you are not allowed to note or talk about those differences.

 

[steve_bank]

That is waht I see on CNN and MNSNBC. One can speak about diffences or god forbid a white be crtical of a mionority aspect.


A live in a facility of a bout 100. There are women from Korea, Thailand, India, and xxx. The rest is a mix pf blacks, Hispanics, and whites.

The facility administrator is a woman from Ethiopia.The place is a microcosm of society. If I had to always worry about how what I said and the context was seen racily I'd go crazy. Likewise when I hear something that I could possibly take as offensive personally I'd end up going bonkers.

The give and take of exchanging views on different leads to trust. The change I see socially by progressives is we are supposed to accept all things of all cultures without commentary, otherwise you are labeled a racist.

I could not have a relationship with anyone regardless of race or ethnicity if I had to always worry about what I said. The idea of diversity is that we get along without hostility even when we do not like aspects of others. I can have a conversation with blacks I live which where expressions like '..white people are like ..' and '...black people are like..' occur without any hostility or personal offense on each side.

Progressives are trying to mandate a cultura free of emotional hurt. It evokes the stifling Soviet conformity to a narrow ideology that made everyone equal by decree.

 

[Worldtraveller]

That is waht I see on CNN and MNSNBC. One can speak about diffences or god forbid a white be crtical of a mionority aspect.


A live in a facility of a bout 100. There are women from Korea, Thailand, India, and xxx. The rest is a mix pf blacks, Hispanics, and whites.

The facility administrator is a woman from Ethiopia.The place is a microcosm of society. If I had to always worry about how what I said and the context was seen racily I'd go crazy. Likewise when I hear something that I could possibly take as offensive personally I'd end up going bonkers.

The give and take of exchanging views on different leads to trust. The change I see socially by progressives is we are supposed to accept all things of all cultures without commentary, otherwise you are labeled a racist.

I could not have a relationship with anyone regardless of race or ethnicity if I had to always worry about what I said. The idea of diversity is that we get along without hostility even when we do not like aspects of others. I can have a conversation with blacks I live which where expressions like '..white people are like ..' and '...black people are like..' occur without any hostility or personal offense on each side.

Progressives are trying to mandate a cultura free of emotional hurt. It evokes the stifling Soviet conformity to a narrow ideology that made everyone equal by decree.

On the plus side, at least your progressive strawman keeps the crows away, amiright?

Can you not, for once, derail a very eloquent and well written OP with 'but what about meeeeee'? And whining about mostly non-existent 'left wing oppression'? Please?

 

[Jolly_Penguin]

the OP is excellent. I've praised it and will again.

But he's also right, except we minorities still can say "White people are like..." and get praised for it, so long as we are not ourselves white.

 

[Lion IRC]

So many anti-black bigots in the world. Nasty filthy racists.
...but not you Lion IRC

 

[Politesse]

the OP is excellent. I've praised it and will again.

But he's also right, except we minorities still can say "White people are like..." and get praised for it, so long as we are not ourselves white.

You can? I've seen people get pretty freaking upset about statements like that, actually. Not too long ago one of my colleagues was terminated from her position at the University of Delaware, after having tweeted a message some felt to be prejudiced against white males.

 

[Worldtraveller]

the OP is excellent. I've praised it and will again.

But he's also right, except we minorities still can say "White people are like..." and get praised for it, so long as we are not ourselves white.

You can? I've seen people get pretty freaking upset about statements like that, actually. Not too long ago one of my colleagues was terminated from her position at the University of Delaware, after having tweeted a message some felt to be prejudiced against white males.

Dude, don't ruin his narrative!