Ministry of Truth (Pravda) Moscow
Contact: Baghdad Bob Bolshoi Barbos
The war special military operation to bully and conquer an independent nation de-Nazify Ukraine in a conflict started by the scoundrel in the Kremlin NATO continues to go belly up according to plan.
For example, on Saturday, our Dear Leader, Vladimir V. Putin, dedicated a large ferris wheel in Moscow. It is much larger than any Ferris wheel in Ukraine. So we win!
In accordance with our plans, Russian forces are folding like a cheap tent advancing briskly west, away from Ukraine, toward Russia. This advance is going splendidly, and is facing no opposition from outmatched Ukrainian forces except from behind.
This cowardly retreat bold advance is a repetition of our dreadful debacle glorious success in Kyiv, when our forces retreated advanced north away from the Ukrainian capital to ignominiously botch successfully complete our initial campaign of conquest de-Nazification.
I can report unequivocally that there are currently no Ukrainian tanks rolling through the streets of Moscow, and, if there are, the invaders are either burning up in their tanks, committing suicide, or surrendering by the hundreds of thousands. The blue-and-yellow flag currently flying over the Kremlin is a trick of light and shadow.
Baghdad Bob Bolshoi Barbos