Let's check the predictions.
- Browns and Ravens fans throw themselves into the respective bodies of water they border after both of their teams drive them to madness in worst game ever played in the NFL (NOT SO CORRECT. In fact, no one even died.)
- Tampa over Carolina. Final score, spread, over/under, everything but punts. (
, the one time I don't go over the edge with a prediction like my absurd Jets prediction below!)
- Jets prove they are the real deal and go 4-2* for the season (* wins over Browns don't count). (CORRECT)
- Colts improve record to 4-3-2-1... somehow. (CORRECT!)
- Miami fans don VR helmets and watch a specially prepared version of Steelers game against Dolphins with Tua starting as QB and winning. Helps them feel better as Dolphins lose at home to Steelers. (The experiment went so well, they broadcasted that version of the game. CORRECT)
- 4 former black coaches get ready to be inundated with phone calls as teams pretend to be interested in hiring them as replacements for their shortly to be fired head coaches. (CORRECT)
What a week! The NFL sucks this year. No really! At first it was mistaken as parity, but The Jets are 5-2, so the NFL must really suck! 22 teams have records of 4-3 to 2-5. That sounds like parity, but really, that is just sucking. The Giants, Cowboys, and Vikings have no more than 2 losses, but their teams suck. So the only conclusion we can draw is the NFL sucks and the Super Bowl will be lucky not to suck. Even the commercials will likely suck! The AFC Championship Game or whatever the heck it is when Buffalo and Kansas City play each other is the only game that is worth waiting for now.
We are officially half way through this season... well 3/4's if you are a Patriots fan... so what predictions were made earlier that were right? Well, the people at
CBS saw this shitty season coming a mile away. The only surprise to them was the Packers sucking.
CBS article said:
We can't emphasize enough how bad this season will be. And we're not talking Cleveland Browns season after season of disappointment bad. It is vulgar, but really the only way to say how this season is going to go is "complete and utter shit". And not the stuff that you can flush down and doesn't stink too bad. We mean the high volatiles and floaty stuff!
You've got the Bill and Chiefs... that's it. The rest of the best are poor. And the rest of the others are awful. Sure, everyone will finish 9-8 or 8-9 this year and beat on each other, but it'll be boring as fuck. We mean passing 9 for 16 and 122 yards... every game! Less than 10 first downs winning games. Games where it seems like defense is winning it, but it isn't. So find something else... not NASCAR, that is even worse in their parity "stock" cars that rough up their drivers. But something... anything other than NFL football.... and NASCAR.
Wow! Such foresight! So get your news from them.
Oh... that new guy in New England didn't go undefeated for his entire career, so clearly he was a bust and will never amount to anything.
Predictions for next week?
- Ravens and Bucs throw for a combined 87 yards. Half of stadium falls into a coma.
- Lions lose
- Battle of the states this weekend.
- PA - Steelers beat Eagles after scandal breaks out and 2 points are found in a lock box on the Eagles sideline.
- OH - Cincinnati loses to the Browns in the most Browns way possible.
- CA - San Fran and Rams play to a draw.
- NC - Panthers lose to Falcons... Atlanta is in North Carolina right? Or was it South Carolina.
- NY/NE - It ain't one state, but they are both "NEW". Patriots relive the 1985 Super Bowl run days and defeat the NY Jets!
- Super fun fact. I just learned that the New England Patriots were the only team to score against the Bears in the 1985 playoffs! Moral victory!!!
- Colts record improves to 5-4-3-2-1.
- Oh fuck me! Browns and Bengals on Monday Night?! What, Patriots v Bears wasn't bad enough.
- Yup... it's a shitty NFL season.
