Your honor
Given the lack of eye witters accounts of the alleged creation of the universe by a god called Yahweh and the lack of any objective proof of the alleged god Yahweh I request that the case for Christianity be impressed on the gounds of lack of evidence.
R. Giuliani: Your honor, I move at this time that the case against my client, G. Hovah, be dismissed without prejudice.
Judge: Prosecutor?
Pros.: Your honor, the people insist that the case go forward. This defendant is responsible for an unprecedented chain of homicides, including the murder of the whole world, exception being eight collaborators. He is on record as stating, quote, 'I could stand in the middle of the Red Sea and kill everybody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK? Well, except for everyone I killed,' unquote.
R. Giuliani: Your honor, this whole line of argumentation is bullshit. A deity is immune from prosecution for any of his actions that fall within the scope of his official duties.
Pros.: Killing is within the scope of his duties?
R. Giuliani: Jesus Christ, killing is just about the goddiest duty of all. Totally goddy. Extraordinarily goddy. Steeped in goddiness.
Judge: Counselor, would you approach the bench? (
Pause, sotto voce) What the fuck is running down your face? Are you hemorrhaging?
R. Giuliani: What? Huh? Oh, oh no, that's Just for Men. It's their new espresso color. (
returns to defense table, whispers to client)
Judge: Counselor, does your client wish to testify? He has that right.
R. Giuliani: No, your honor. He doesn't do appearances anymore. It has inconvenienced him to be here at all.
Judge: Prosecutor, anything more?
Pros.: Rape, your honor. Rape of a virginal young woman from the hill country.
R. Giuliani (
with passion) Your honor, this is hearsay, and it involves date rape at best, if not consensual sex, and it was allegedly done by my client's brother, who is not visibly here today, as he is a ghost.
Judge: A ghost? Like Casper?
R. Giuliani: Yes, a ghost, but a very special ghost, you might say a holy ghost. Long story! He may be here, I couldn't say. (
waves his hand suddenly about his head) I could be touching him right now. Who can tell?
Judge: Well, ghosts and such are beyond the jurisdiction of this court. I am ready to rule on the motion to dismiss.
Check the ID Network for the conclusion of this case!! Deadliest Deities airs on Sunday nights at 10 Central.