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The Laws of Rock and Roll

Davka said:
TV and credit cards said:
You could just have more babeh, babeh, babehs.
Or you can simply tell her, you're gonna leave her.
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Telling her you're going to leave her while simultaneously wailing that you just can't let her go is customary.
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It is also acceptable to tell your babeh that you should have quit her, long time ago, whilst allowing her to squeeze your lemon 'til the juice runs down your leg.

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Loretta J. Hyde said:
Apparently there are two primary laws in rock and roll music:

  • First, one must give all of one's love, not merely part, or most of it.
  • Second, one must party (or rock, the terms mean the same thing) all night long, and not only for a few hours, or several hours, but all night, which one would assume means until daybreak, at which point the partying (or rocking) stops. Of course there are the radicals, such as Ray Davies from the Kinks, who wants to be with his love all day as well as all of the night, but this pertains to loving, not partying, or rocking, although it could be argued that loving is integral and essential to partying and/or rocking.
  • Thirdly, when driving fast, one generally does not exceed 80 mph, as attested to by Eddy Money and 38 Special. Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull has his antihero's motorbike up to ('around') 120, but as this was a motorbike and not a car, it doesn't obtrude on the 80 mph law.

Can anyone add to this list of rock and roll laws?
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A recently passed rock and roll law stipulates that "If you're gonna do it, do it live on stage, or don't do it at all."
 
I dispute the 80 mph law and cite Mabelline by Chuck Berry as a precedent.
"Cadillac rollin' on an open road but nothin' outrun my V8 Ford
Cadillac doin' about ninety-five bumper to bumper rollin' side to side
... "Cadillac lookin' like a ton of lead a hundred and ten a half a mile ahead
Cadillac lookin' like it's sittin' still I caught Maybelline at the top of the hill"

Also: Deep Purple breaks the 80 mph rule in grand style. "No body gonna beat my car, gonna break the speed of sound" (Highway Star). This is clearly poetic licence, but I doubt they would have considered going only slightly faster than 80 mph "unheard of" and therefore supersonic.
 
Heck, the Hot Rod Lincoln wound it up to a hunnert and ten. Between it, the Little Deuce Coup and the fun fun fun T-bird daddy would eventually take away (that made the Indy 500 look like a Roman chariot race), there really ain't no telling what sorts of over 80 MPH speeds were recorded in homage to Rock and Roll.
 
Another law. If you don't beat your meat, you can't come in your pudding. How can you come in your pudding if you don't beat your meat?

And you must party ALL night long.

Eldarion Lathria
 
As a little aside, I've always thought it funny that two big hits, by Eddy Money and 38 Special, included the speed of 80 in the lyrics. I believe the songs are "Shakin'" by Eddy Money, and "Rockin' Into* The Night" by 38 Special.

I think it's "eat your meat", but beat your meat works very well. Especially in a seemingly CFNM-ing culture (which is ok with me).

Yes, partying ALL nite long has been proposed as one of the laws of rock and roll. I think we could safely say that partying ALL nite long is THE primary, axiomatic law of rocking.

And of rolling.

I hereby withdraw the 80 mph** law.



*One must ask, why are we only rockin' into the night? I thought the idea was to rock into, and all through, the night (nite).? ie, all night (nite) long.


**I was wondering about the metric system, and if I've ever heard those terms used in rock lyrics, a great percentage of which are written by Europeans. Just as an example, Robert Plant, the mega-Celt rock warrior hairlord, says he will give his BAAAAAAAABE!!!!!! every inch of his love, not every centimeter of his love; he also says to another of his BAAAAAAAAAAAB!!!!!es that he would like to "walk a quiet mile with you" and not a quiet kilometer.

Is it just that metric system terms don't fit metrically in rock lyrics?

These are important questions! :tonguea:
 
I just realized that liter rimes with meter. That's handy, and could be used by a rocker.

wait...

Is it litre & metre...

hang on...metric system rock and roll song coming up...

...in process...
 
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Don't Hold Back A Gram

I was rockin and rollin with my babeh
and let me tell ya she was drivin me crazeh
cuz she was a yellow-haired cheer-leader
and her boobies stuck out at least a metre

She was on the back of my motorscooter
when she reached around and squeezed my hooter°
and when I looked at my speedometer
I was doin a hundred and twenty kilometre

Bridge:

Yeah, we rocked all nite
and my babeh took a bite
o' my dy-no-mite!

We were rocking and rolling into the night
and trust me, we were not wrapped tight*
cuz we were high on a kilogram
of weed we got from a chick named Pam**

who my babeh knew up there in Toronto,
a cutie who got us hooked up pronto—
man she was mean and lean and tight,
and man she could shake it all thru the nite

repeat bridge***

Chorus:

Oh my babeh, my sweet sweet dear
I'm burnin' up like a lotta stère
of firewood, so gimme a dram
of that honey-lovin', don't hold back a gram.

so anyway, me and my babeh, I swear
we flew like lightnin over every decaire
and later I gave her every centimetre
of lovin' I could possibly feed her.

Repeat chorus ad nauseam.



* Frank Zappa
** Classic forced rime (rhyme for us mercins)
***'Where's that confounded bridge?' [anyone?]


° His babeh either squeezed his generative organ, or activated an alarm device, such as a horn. I am not certain which. I would have used the word 'lemon', but, alas, could not fink of a suitable rhyme...
 
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Loretta J. Hyde said:
**I was wondering about the metric system, and if I've ever heard those terms used in rock lyrics, a great percentage of which are written by Europeans. Just as an example, Robert Plant, the mega-Celt rock warrior hairlord, says he will give his BAAAAAAAABE!!!!!! every inch of his love, not every centimeter of his love; he also says to another of his BAAAAAAAAAAAB!!!!!es that he would like to "walk a quiet mile with you" and not a quiet kilometer.
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When Whole Lotta Love was published in 1969, the UK had just established the metrication board, and there was still resistance to using the metric system for some time afterwards, the song may have been written even earlier. Imperial measurement is still oficially used in the UK for distance and speed measurement. In the '80s they went back to voluntary metrication, and mandatory metrication for retail goods was not enacted until 1995. Retailers could still use imperial weights and measures until they were required to cease doing so in 2009.

ETA: There are still some other examples of continuing to use the Imperial system in the UK today. For example, beer is still purchased in pints.
 
It was indeed Robert Plant who taught us all that love comes in inches. American crooner Barry Gibb seemed perplexed by this, inquiring earnestly as to the exact depth of his paramour's love and insisting that he "really need(ed) to know," which would seem to indicate some sort of calculation, perhaps involving the length of Barry's love (presumably measured in inches).

But I digress, since only a Philistine would attempt to include the BeeGees in the annals of Rock. Anals, maybe, but never annals.

Love is a slippery thing in Rock n Roll. We know that it comes in inches, but it seems those inches can really add up, as Aretha famously went riding on the freeway of love in her pink Cadillac (the depth of which is not specified in the song), and freeways are pretty darned long. The depth of love is exceedingly vague, possibly due to the fact that some desire pink Cadillacs, while others want to be your back door man - a phenomenon remarked upon by Debbie Harry in the immortal lines "once I had a love, and it was a gas / soon turned out to be a pain in the ass." This brilliant coupling of flatulence and love cannot be found elsewhere in Rock - with the possible exception of the classic "love stinks."

Love, it seems, is a battlefield. John Lennon would rather see his lover dead than to see her with another man. Janis encouraged her lover to take another piece of her heart, which raises the question of how she was able to belt all those songs with a chunk of her heart missing. Love is crazy, love is strange, love is blind, and apparently your love is killing me. Love is a four-letter word. Like Rock.
 
Davka said:
It was indeed Robert Plant who taught us all that love comes in inches. American crooner Barry Gibb seemed perplexed by this, inquiring earnestly as to the exact depth of his paramour's love and insisting that he "really need(ed) to know," which would seem to indicate some sort of calculation, perhaps involving the length of Barry's love (presumably measured in inches).

But I digress, since only a Philistine would attempt to include the BeeGees in the annals of Rock. Anals, maybe, but never annals.

Love is a slippery thing in Rock n Roll. We know that it comes in inches, but it seems those inches can really add up, as Aretha famously went riding on the freeway of love in her pink Cadillac (the depth of which is not specified in the song), and freeways are pretty darned long. The depth of love is exceedingly vague, possibly due to the fact that some desire pink Cadillacs, while others want to be your back door man - a phenomenon remarked upon by Debbie Harry in the immortal lines "once I had a love, and it was a gas / soon turned out to be a pain in the ass." This brilliant coupling of flatulence and love cannot be found elsewhere in Rock - with the possible exception of the classic "love stinks."

Love, it seems, is a battlefield. John Lennon would rather see his lover dead than to see her with another man. Janis encouraged her lover to take another piece of her heart, which raises the question of how she was able to belt all those songs with a chunk of her heart missing. Love is crazy, love is strange, love is blind, and apparently your love is killing me. Love is a four-letter word. Like Rock.
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Barry Gibb was born and raised in England, and lived for a time in Australia; He (and his brothers) are Commanders of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (CBE), an honour for which an American crooner would not be eligible.
 
bilby said:
Barry Gibb was born and raised in England, and lived for a time in Australia; He (and his brothers) are Commanders of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (CBE), an honour for which an American crooner would not be eligible.
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Quite frankly, Gibb's origins are utterly irrelevant, as he should have been smothered in his crib so as to spare us such indignities as hearing the line "I'm a ladies' man, no time to talk" shrieked in a girly falsetto. Anyone who sings like Barry Gibb deserves to be mistaken for an American, or even a Canadian.
 
Davka said:
bilby said:
Barry Gibb was born and raised in England, and lived for a time in Australia; He (and his brothers) are Commanders of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (CBE), an honour for which an American crooner would not be eligible.
Click to expand...

Quite frankly, Gibb's origins are utterly irrelevant, as he should have been smothered in his crib so as to spare us such indignities as hearing the line "I'm a ladies' man, no time to talk" shrieked in a girly falsetto. Anyone who sings like Barry Gibb deserves to be mistaken for an American, or even a Canadian.
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Any attempt to kill him would have been futile. He was stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
 
Robert Plant certainly believed in promoting imperial weights and measures, but wasn't he just following up on the campaign started years earlier by Bob Dylan? Dylan was virulently anti-metric, as can be heard in the lyrics to the classic Subterranean Homesick Blues, in which he exhorts us to "don't follow liters, or wash the park in meters", an obvious reference to the (then-)impending decimalisation of British currency and subsequent (ok, 20-30 years later) metrication of weights and measures. I have no idea why he was washing parks, though.
 
Davka said:
It was indeed Robert Plant who taught us all that love comes in inches. American crooner Barry Gibb seemed perplexed by this, inquiring earnestly as to the exact depth of his paramour's love and insisting that he "really need(ed) to know," which would seem to indicate some sort of calculation, perhaps involving the length of Barry's love (presumably measured in inches).

But I digress, since only a Philistine would attempt to include the BeeGees in the annals of Rock. Anals, maybe, but never annals.

Love is a slippery thing in Rock n Roll. We know that it comes in inches, but it seems those inches can really add up, as Aretha famously went riding on the freeway of love in her pink Cadillac (the depth of which is not specified in the song), and freeways are pretty darned long. The depth of love is exceedingly vague, possibly due to the fact that some desire pink Cadillacs, while others want to be your back door man - a phenomenon remarked upon by Debbie Harry in the immortal lines "once I had a love, and it was a gas / soon turned out to be a pain in the ass." This brilliant coupling of flatulence and love cannot be found elsewhere in Rock - with the possible exception of the classic "love stinks."

Love, it seems, is a battlefield. John Lennon would rather see his lover dead than to see her with another man. Janis encouraged her lover to take another piece of her heart, which raises the question of how she was able to belt all those songs with a chunk of her heart missing. Love is crazy, love is strange, love is blind, and apparently your love is killing me. Love is a four-letter word. Like Rock.
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Excellent commentary, Davka. Reminds me of a joke that goes sumpin like (and I will put it in rockin' terms for the sake of consistency):

I was givin my babeh every inch o my love, and she said, 'harder!', so I says, harder I can do.
I was givin my babeh every inch o my love, and she said, 'faster!', so I says, faster I can do.
I was givin my babeh every inch o my love, and she said, 'deeper!', but then I says, Oh babeh, aint nuthin I can do about that!
 
This brilliant coupling of flatulence and love cannot be found elsewhere in Rock
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Untrue, Davka! Ian Anderson, who is perhaps the only rocker to use all of these words in his lyrics:

  • sperm
  • balls
  • panties
  • fart



has a song called "Bad-eyed and Loveless", which appears on the Too Old to Rock and Roll, Too Young to Die album from 1976, and contains the immortal line:

"She's a warm fart at Christmas."


http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/jethro_tull/bad-eyed_and_loveless.html

...Wait. dammit, the one-legged rocker did proclaim that said babeh was 'loveless', which leaves Davka's observation un-undermined afterall.

Damn ye!
 
I would challenge the assertion that Ian Anderson used the word "panties" in any of his songs. I suspect the line in question is from the song "Aqualung," to wit: 'eyeing little girls with bad intent.' This has often been mis-heard as ". . . little girls with satin panties," but such Freudian slips tell us more about the filthy minds of the listeners than they do about Mr. Anderson's lyrical abilities.

This of course provides the ideal segue into the topic of misunderstood lyrics. Perhaps my favorite such lyric is from the Hendrix tune "Purple Haze," in which "scuze me while I kiss the sky" has been heard as "...kiss this guy," a bold and powerful sentiment in those days before the rise of LGBT awareness. The best part of this tale is the fact that, after hearing of this misunderstanding on the part of the public, Jimi actually started singing the line as "kiss this guy" in concert, often enunciating clearly so that there would be no - mistake?

A close runner-up is Robert Palmer's 'Addicted To Love,' with the famous non-line "might as well face it, you're a dick with a glove." An uncomfortable substitute for a condom at best.
 
Davka said:
I would challenge the assertion that Ian Anderson used the word "panties" in any of his songs. I suspect the line in question is from the song "Aqualung," to wit: 'eyeing little girls with bad intent.' This has often been mis-heard as ". . . little girls with satin panties," but such Freudian slips tell us more about the filthy minds of the listeners than they do about Mr. Anderson's lyrical abilities.
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What about the next line: "drying in the cold sun / watching the frilly panties run"?
 
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