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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
I'm building an 'Ocean Museum' playset, not by Lego but a company that makes parts compatible with Lego.
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Finished the first floor, laying out parts for the second.
Evidently, the exhibits will include penguins, a turtle, crab, and a lobster.
Which raises a question.
IF i made this set, would have made the lobster the color of those things in the tank at the market.... not the color of a cooked lobster.
But the public expects bright red lobsters.
Would it be better marketing to make them accurate and expect a ton of letters from people telling me i got it wrong; or correct, with maybe a few letters from marine biologists telling me i got it wrong? Or have the biologists completely given up on anatomically correct coloring in lobster toys?
 
From a news article about a rugby team vilating the salary cap, and the punishment they received when caught:

Reactions vary from "it's too lenient" to "it doesn't go far enough."
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Patooka said:
Keith&Co. said:
From a news article about a rugby team vilating the salary cap, and the punishment they received when caught:

Reactions vary from "it's too lenient" to "it doesn't go far enough."
Click to expand...
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Rugby Union or Rugby League? Nevermind, I'm pretty sure it was NRL fans supplying the feedback.
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The caption mentions 'Saracen's punishment,' is all i know.
 
We did our wills. Downloaded fairly generic forms, picked an executor, everything split between the kids.
Needs to be notarized, with two witnesses.
We belong to AAA, so they notarized gor no additional fee. But they aren't supposed to act as witnesses. Supposed to be someone who knows us, but isn't in the will.

Asked two coworkers who live within a mile of the AAA office.
One told his wife, 'I get to help Keith and (Mrs. Keith) with their wills.'
She proceeded to enumerate his historical errors in both math and money management. Stopped. 'Never mind, what's Keith's number?' so she could warn me.
'WILLS, not BILLS!' he finally figured where she misheard.
'OMG! Are they dying?!'
'No they just settled her sister's estate and don't wanna do that again. We should probably get wills.'
'Are YOU dying?'



Public service announcement, the answer to that question is not, 'Well, we all are.' ...apparently.
 
My son showed me a clip from a british TV show. Someone was telling people that when he was mad at his wife, he went through the house moving her bookmarks. I related the story at work to my group.

Three people did not understand 'BookmarkS? Plural?'
'Who reads more than one book (I assume the 'at a time' was silent)?"

I started counting on my fingers.
There's the book in the car, for if i'm dining alone or if we (ever again) go to a restaurant with a wait for a table.
There's the book in the downstairs bathroom.
The book at my dining place.
Two books at my computer desk, depending on my mood whether i want to read Scifi or Mel Brooks' memoirs.
Another around here somewhere, which wasn't interesting enough to finish, but i don't (yet) count as abandoned.

And of course, four cookbook bookmarks each week for meals that I shopped for and need to find again. But that's not 'reading' as much as 'Which meatball recipe was it? Sweden or Dwarves?' I didn't count those in explaining the concept to my team mates.

Who just stared silently (i assume) at my icon in the chat window.

Sometimes it's hard to figure out what i have in common with my coworkers.

Then the boss says something stupid and we all jump his shit, like a choreographed derision team, and i'm home again.
 
My son's new phone doesn't have a headphone jack. So, all day at work he had to listen to the radio playing on the loudspeakers, like a goddamned peasant from the middle ages or something!

At one point, the Proclaimers played. He came home and asked, 'you ever been where "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" comes on and you didn't want anyone to know you knew all the words?'

Frankly, no, but then, the song isn't a year older than _I_ am, so i can see where he might.

My problem would more typically be blurting out that the song was in a Johnny Depp movie NOT directed by Tim Burton...
 
Coworker's week has started out great.
Went through the Dunkin drive-through. Stopped when the car in front of him stopped. Moved forward when they did, stopped again.
Got to the window. Woman at the counter, "Sir? You, uh, you never actually ordered anything."
He thought about it. Fuck. I didn't. Just drove on autopilot waiting for.... Something. He sagged.
"You can order now?" she offered.
"Yes! Yes, please, thank you. Drink and a donut, please."
"Um...what do you want to drink?"
"Coffee."
"How do you take it?" At this point, he's not sure how he takes it. Or if he takes it. IS he a coffee drinker?
Small panic. They finally sort that out. After he gets back on the road, realizes she never asked what kind of donut he wanted. Just gave him something rather than stress him out further. Nice of her.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Coworker's week has started out great.
Went through the Dunkin drive-through. Stopped when the car in front of him stopped. Moved forward when they did, stopped again.
Got to the window. Woman at the counter, "Sir? You, uh, you never actually ordered anything."
He thought about it. Fuck. I didn't. Just drove on autopilot waiting for.... Something. He sagged.
"You can order now?" she offered.
"Yes! Yes, please, thank you. Drink and a donut, please."
"Um...what do you want to drink?"
"Coffee."
"How do you take it?" At this point, he's not sure how he takes it. Or if he takes it. IS he a coffee drinker?
Small panic. They finally sort that out. After he gets back on the road, realizes she never asked what kind of donut he wanted. Just gave him something rather than stress him out further. Nice of her.
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You left out the best part of that story. How in the living fuck did he make it to the drive thru in the first place?
 
Patooka said:
Keith&Co. said:
Coworker's week has started out great.
Went through the Dunkin drive-through. Stopped when the car in front of him stopped. Moved forward when they did, stopped again.
Got to the window. Woman at the counter, "Sir? You, uh, you never actually ordered anything."
He thought about it. Fuck. I didn't. Just drove on autopilot waiting for.... Something. He sagged.
"You can order now?" she offered.
"Yes! Yes, please, thank you. Drink and a donut, please."
"Um...what do you want to drink?"
"Coffee."
"How do you take it?" At this point, he's not sure how he takes it. Or if he takes it. IS he a coffee drinker?
Small panic. They finally sort that out. After he gets back on the road, realizes she never asked what kind of donut he wanted. Just gave him something rather than stress him out further. Nice of her.
Click to expand...
You left out the best part of that story. How in the living fuck did he make it to the drive thru in the first place?
Click to expand...
He doesn't really remember. Probably force of habit....

I hear their heater died in the night, and youngest decided to sleep with parents rather than in her cold, cold room.

Mommy got cuddles, Daddy got a highlight reel of Jackie Chan movies as dreamt by a 7 year old....punch, kick, punch, punch, kick, kick, pu-pu-punch..
 
A woman friend of mine rented a small U-Haul truck with the rear roll down door to help one of her adult sons move into his first house with his wife. Actually, what she was hauling was all the stuff that the son had left back in his childhood home. This included a queen size bed frame and mattress. After driving all the way from Rockville, Maryland, to Baltimore, she delivered his stuff, however the son’s wife declared that there was no way that old mattress was going to be used in the marital home. So the old heavy mattress stayed in the back of the U-Haul and my friend figured that she could stop at the Montgomery County Maryland Recycling Center (aka the dump) and dispose of the mattress on her way home.

At the dump she is directed into the giant interior room with the perimeter scary trenches on each side, into which all dumped items descend into open railroad cars some 20’ below in the darkness. Once in the room she is directed to station B4 on the left, and backs the truck up to the edge of the abyss. She decides to leave her cell phone in the cab of truck reasoning that it be just her luck to have it in her pocket only to have it bounce out and into the scary depths. She rolls up the rear overhead door and enters the back of the truck. The mattress is on the floor and she decides that the best chance to get it over the parapet and into the pit is to stand it up and just push it to flip out and let its momentum carry it over the edge, all done. She walks over the mattress to the far side and wrestles the dang thing to vertical, but there gravity takes over and the falling mattress contacts the overhead door, bringing it down with the mattress with a huge bang. The overhead door has become stuck – so there she is in complete darkness, no cell phone, in a truck backed up to a pit.

After about 5 minutes of banging she was rescued by two good ‘ol boys that had backed their pick up truck up to station B5.
 
Spent the morning at the ER.
Wife was uncomfortable over the weekend, pain persists to this morning, located about where her appedicitis would be.
They ruled out appendicitis. Had a CT scan, some swelling in her pancreas, duodenum, some built-up fecal matter, possible ulcer.
Got her back home, went to work. Our boss asked how she's doing.
"Well, i have a professional opinion that she's full of shit."

That...may...make it back to her. If i don't post over the next twenty days, It's because i'm in traction.
 
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