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Trump adds Ken Starr, Satan and Alan Dershowitz to impeachment defense team

Don2 (Don1 Revised)

Don2 (Don1 Revised)

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Washington, DC (CBNMSBNCB) - President Donald Trump is adding two seasoned lawyers and one extremely seasoned contract loop hole designer to his impeachment legal defense team, insiders have revealed to news outlets. These new team members include Kenneth Starr, the well-known impeachment prosecutor who no longer believes in impeaching Presidents; Alan Dershowitz, the defense lawyer made famous by defending murderers, rapists, and fraudulent televangelists; and Satan, a fictitious entity in Abrahamic religions who seduces humans into signing contracts that inevitably lead them into an afterlife of torture in Hell.

President Trump's followers expressed a mixed reaction to the news of the additional team members. Evangelical Christine Smith of Cedar Rapids, Iowa questioned, "I guess it would be okay for someone like Alan Dershowitz to be on the team with the others so long as ultimately the President can continue to do God's work. The ends justify the means, right?" Smith paused and then a few more times repeated, "right?"

Zeke McClintock of Pensacola, Florida pondered, "I dunno about this Satan character. He doesn't seem as qualified as the rest. We need someone who will be good at interrogatin' the Bidens. Would this Satan guy have had the gumption to corner Slick Willy with the blue dress, like Ken Starr done? On the other hand, if the Commander-in-Chief chose him, I guess I should choose Satan, too."

Jimbo Huston of Waterville, Maine between gun shots and exclamations of "the enemy of the people," reported to us that the new team was "perfect just like the transcript."
 
Some mods.

Washington, DC (CBNMSBNCB) - The White House has announced the addition of two lawyers and The Lord of Lies to President Trump's impeachment legal defense team. The new team members include Kenneth Starr, the well-known impeachment prosecutor who no longer believes in impeaching Presidents; Alan Dershowitz, the defense lawyer made famous by defending murderers, rapists, and fraudulent televangelists; and Satan, best known as an entity in Abrahamic religions who seduces humans into acts that invariably lead them to an eternity in Hell.

Supporters of the the President expressed mixed reactions to the news. Christine Smith, an Evangelical from Cedar Rapids, Iowa was uncertain. "I guess it would be okay for someone like Dershowitz to be on the team with the others so long as ultimately the President can continue to do God's work. The ends justify the means, right?" Smith noted before staring off into the distance for several moments. "Right?"

Zeke McClintock, an attendee of a local conservative super church had doubts as to the experience of some added to the team. "I dunno about this Satan character. Sure, he was responsible for man being booted from the Garden, but what has he done since? Run a census? This just doesn't imply having the high standing trial qualifications as the rest. We need someone who will be good at interrogating the Bidens. Would Satan have had the ability to corner Slick Willy with the blue dress, like Ken Starr had? On the other hand, if President Trump chose him, that should be enough for me to trust Satan too."

Jimbo Huston, an avid huntsman, noted between gun shots and exclamations of "the enemy of the people," that the new team was "perfect just like the transcript."
 
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Trump tries to hire Avenatti or even Gerald Broflovski to be his lawyer.
 
Politesse said:
Satan is a prosecutor, not a defense lawyer. You need the archangel Michael.
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Pretty sure Satan would totally defend his Antichrist.
 
Trump is Satan. Or else if Satan is on his staff he's not letting him call the shots. Trump says there was no quid pro quo. He wanted the public announcement of an investigation into Biden before releasing the funds and granting a WH visit. But he claims it wasn't to be a quid pro quo. Zelenski had to sincerely want to do it. Simply doing it to obtain the goods wasn't sufficient. He actually had to want to make the announcement of his own free will. That makes the pro irrelevant. He wanted Zelenski's soul (personal integrity if you prefer) to be on the line. And not just Zelenski. He required the soul of the person he was sending to explain this to him.
 
Treedbear said:
Trump is Satan. Or else if Satan is on his staff he's not letting him call the shots. Trump says there was no quid pro quo. He wanted the public announcement of an investigation into Biden before releasing the funds and granting a WH visit. But he claims it wasn't to be a quid pro quo. Zelenski had to sincerely want to do it. Simply doing it to obtain the goods wasn't sufficient. He actually had to want to make the announcement of his own free will. That makes the pro irrelevant. He wanted Zelenski's soul (personal integrity if you prefer) to be on the line. And not just Zelenski. He required the soul of the person he was sending to explain this to him.
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Let's not forget that this is Trump seeking an investigation ostensibly for the use of influence to secure a nepotistic aim, spearheaded by the same guy who hired his entire immediate family to his administration to the objections of literally everyone, and then rubber stamped their security clearances.

If Biden is corrupt, Trump is an order of magnitude moreso.
 
Treedbear said:
Trump is Satan. Or else if Satan is on his staff he's not letting him call the shots. Trump says there was no quid pro quo. He wanted the public announcement of an investigation into Biden before releasing the funds and granting a WH visit. But he claims it wasn't to be a quid pro quo. Zelenski had to sincerely want to do it. Simply doing it to obtain the goods wasn't sufficient. He actually had to want to make the announcement of his own free will. That makes the pro irrelevant. He wanted Zelenski's soul (personal integrity if you prefer) to be on the line. And not just Zelenski. He required the soul of the person he was sending to explain this to him.
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There is no way His Flatulence is Satan, Satan is far more intelligent than he is. Satan's thrall, perhaps, but not Satan.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
Treedbear said:
Trump is Satan. Or else if Satan is on his staff he's not letting him call the shots. Trump says there was no quid pro quo. He wanted the public announcement of an investigation into Biden before releasing the funds and granting a WH visit. But he claims it wasn't to be a quid pro quo. Zelenski had to sincerely want to do it. Simply doing it to obtain the goods wasn't sufficient. He actually had to want to make the announcement of his own free will. That makes the pro irrelevant. He wanted Zelenski's soul (personal integrity if you prefer) to be on the line. And not just Zelenski. He required the soul of the person he was sending to explain this to him.
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There is no way His Flatulence is Satan, Satan is far more intelligent than he is. Satan's thrall, perhaps, but not Satan.
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So, according to the Bible, the way it works is, Satan grooms an Antichrist up, and then eventually someone kills the fucker and sends him packing to hell, Then a couple days later Satan takes up residence himself in the vacated meat suit.

He doesn't have to be intelligent now to be Satan later according to the christobabble.
 
Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday did an excellent interview with Alan Dershowitz last weekend. He confronted him with videos from the Clinton impeachment trial where he and also Lindsey Graham were saying the exact opposite about whether there's a need to bring criminal charges or whether high crimes and misdemeanors should be interpretted more broadly as the abuse of the powers of the Presidency. Alan Dershowitz says he's going to explain how he's become so much wiser over the past few decades when the trial resumes this week. He kept trying to avoid a direct answer but Wallace kept pulling him back. And then there's Ken Starr who also changed his opinion on impeaching Presidents. This is getting better than one of those old time revivals coming to Jesus.

Fox's Wallace confronts Dershowitz with clip arguing crime not necessary for impeachment
 
Treedbear said:
Trump is Satan. Or else if Satan is on his staff he's not letting him call the shots. Trump says there was no quid pro quo. He wanted the public announcement of an investigation into Biden before releasing the funds and granting a WH visit. But he claims it wasn't to be a quid pro quo. Zelenski had to sincerely want to do it. Simply doing it to obtain the goods wasn't sufficient. He actually had to want to make the announcement of his own free will. That makes the pro irrelevant. He wanted Zelenski's soul (personal integrity if you prefer) to be on the line. And not just Zelenski. He required the soul of the person he was sending to explain this to him.
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Why am i reading this in George Carlin's voice?
 
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