Trump Announcment - Pence out, Flanagan In

[Jimmy Higgins]

NEW YORK, NY -- Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has again changed the dynamic of the Presidential race. Citing his "disgust" of the RNC, most specifically related to the letter to the RNC from many notable Republicans to drop funding of Trump's campaign, Trump announced he would no longer raise funds for the Republicans.

Trump also stated that he was dropping his running mate whom he referred to as "Dead Weight Pence", and replacing him with little known Tommy Flanagan.

Trump praised Flanagan as a man who "spoke his language." Trump also noted the uncanny resemblance he had to comedian Jon Lovitz. The two will appear at a rally in Boston, Massachusetts, a state Trump promises to turn red in November.

Trump finished his major announcement stating, "Flanagan says he once won the Governor race in Massachusetts without losing a single vote. We will use that level of winnertude and make this nation great again."

 

[repoman]

 

[Bronzeage]

A little suspect at this time.

 

[Random Person]

I am at the point now where nothing would surprise me.

 

[Jolly_Penguin]

I am at the point now where nothing would surprise me.

Yup. I'd believe it.

 

[RavenSky]

I had to follow the link to see who Tommy Flanagan is to be sure this was another (most excellent) satire by Jimmy Higgins...

and even then I'm thinking it is entirely plausible

 

[Terrell]

That's funny, good one Jimmy Higgins. In this election it's getting hard to distinguish satire from truth.

 

[ksen]

I think the worst crime of the Trump candidacy so far is the ruining of most of the fake news sites.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

I think the worst crime of the Trump candidacy so far is the ruining of most of the fake news sites.

It makes one have to stretch and expand their ability to write satire. When I saw Lewis Black live he mentioned he was retiring because the Republican race was a punchline, but he had to no idea what the joke was.

The worst was the NRA response to Sandy Hook, however, and The Onion just did a direct quote from the NRA. Didn't make anything up.

I'm actually stunned SNL didn't beat me to this... I was think a fake Trump meeting up with Flanagan in a bar and they keep lying back and forth.

 

[GenesisNemesis]

Your next one should be "Donald Trump has completely reversed his opinions on absolutely everything- and people are still voting for him."

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Your next one should be "Donald Trump has completely reversed his opinions on absolutely everything- and people are still voting for him."

That's probably two different articles.

"Aggregate of Trump positions indicate no stance on anything"

"95% of Polled Trump supporters indicate 'supporting Trump' is their #1 issue".

 

[Elixir]

"Aggregate of Trump positions indicate no stance on anything"

Meh. The aggregate of Trump positions, is every stance ever expressed by anyone pretending to adore him.

 

[laughing dog]

I am at the point now where nothing would surprise me.

Does this mean that you believe anything could happen or that if nothing happened it would surprise you? For me, it is the latter.

 

[Random Person]

I am at the point now where nothing would surprise me.

Does this mean that you believe anything could happen or that if nothing happened it would surprise you? For me, it is the latter.

Both actually. Non-events don't surprise me and events generally don't surprise me but sometimes I get surprised by the surprise of an unexpected event. Sometimes the excitement of a non-event getting displaced by an event regardless of its nature will be a welcomed change.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Your next one should be "Donald Trump has completely reversed his opinions on absolutely everything- and people are still voting for him."

... And people are still voting for him BECAUSE HE'S NOT ACTING LIKE A POLITICIAN.