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Ken Ham's Momunent to Stupidity

Keith&Co. said:
crispy said:
a 1000 concubines... Questions is more, what cant you do :devil-smiley-029:
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Ooh, there's a forum game.....

So, starting with 1000.

Take 18 and construct an intimate golf course.
=982

Take 14 and stage a progressive version of a famous musical: Seven brides for seven sisters.
=968
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The answer here is obvious. You put them to work building an ark.
 
What they really need to do is create a museum that explains how macro-evolution is false, but that micro-evolution is extremely fast and led to the creation of all those different types of animals within the narrow definition of kind that is required to make the Flood Narrative a little less laughable as an actual historical event.
Keith&Co. said:
Sajara said:
Thank you Jimmy...everyone seems to forget this part of the story!!!
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When i wrote my Bible fanfic story, no one ever complained about the animals being in there by sevens. Not a word.
I got complaints for calling one character Ham, oddly enough.
And for naming the women with non-Hebrew names. Of course, this was before Eber, so there were no Hebrews, much less Hebrew names....
Oh, and a lot of people assumed i must Hate God to write a sex scene on the Ark...

Fleh. Everyone's a critic.
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My fan fic was shorter. The storm system that was to produce the flood dissipated quickly and only left about 4 inches of water on the ground everywhere, which in of itself is kind of impressive, but was an utter failure when trying to flood the planet.

God had a fit and burned the planet away and started again.
 
Jimmy Higgins said:
My fan fic was shorter. The storm system that was to produce the flood dissipated quickly and only left about 4 inches of water on the ground everywhere, which in of itself is kind of impressive, but was an utter failure when trying to flood the planet.

God had a fit and burned the planet away and started again.
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Huh.
Where's the unicorn menage a trois come in?
 
Keith&Co. said:
Jimmy Higgins said:
My fan fic was shorter. The storm system that was to produce the flood dissipated quickly and only left about 4 inches of water on the ground everywhere, which in of itself is kind of impressive, but was an utter failure when trying to flood the planet.

God had a fit and burned the planet away and started again.
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Huh.
Where's the unicorn menage a trois come in?
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Never happened. All the meat eaters ate the other animals, and they were mostly male anyway, so it wouldn't have worked out anyway.
 
funinspace said:
OLDMAN said:
I think God stayed their hunger for the trip, wouldn't do to have lions and tigers with sheep and cows. But the real problem here is weight, wood structure can only be so big then the weight of cross pieces becomes critical. When you add that the thing has to float through the worst weather the earth has every experienced...well....best of luck.
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Pfffft...lest you forget, their god has magic pixie dust. Anytime (yeah its probably triple digits) something makes absolutely no sense like just how did the fresh water fish survive, they just pull out the magic Omni card, and say well my god can do anything....and poof, the wood becomes godwood, stronger than titanium, lighter than aluminum; and its alloyed with the Holy Spirit, so there is no galvanic corrosion.
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And when they do that, I always wonder a couple of things.
One: if the pixie dust is so pixie, why need the flood at all? Why not just remove life from all the things that were bad (like the kittens, puppies and fetuses that all died) and leave Noah and his fam standing. Like "Left Behind" prequel.

Two: if the pixie dust is so pixie, why no updated edition of the bible that makes sense in all those years?
 
Rhea said:
Two: if the pixie dust is so pixie, why no updated edition of the bible that makes sense in all those years?
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Because the believers carefully don't think about how often they have to reach for the pixie dust.

Like Self Mutation asserting that the Flood story, and God's choice to purify the Earth of sinners by widespread slaughter and genocide makes perfectly rational sense with science. God did it the most reasonable way.

When we say science says that a boat like the Ark would not hold together he reaches for the white-out pixie dust and says an omnipotent God could certainly have held it together.
Science says 4 members of a species isn't going to thrive, pixie dust.
Science says all the plants on Earth would have died, including olives, pixies.
Science...no room for all known species...pixie dust microevolution.
Science...no food for a year, pixie mana from heaven.
Then when you ask how many times they had to sprinkle the story with pixie dust, quite literally for deus ex machina, making their initial claim (science=genesis) they shrug. "two or three, but the point is, God coulda still done it." And refuse to consider how three miracles would have been far better than thirty or whatever count we reached....

But it's still just pixies all the way down.
 
Sajara said:
Jimmy Higgins said:
gmbteach said:
If this is a true replica of the 'ark' then surely people would realise that two of every animal couldn't possibly fit into it.
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Seven pair of the clean animals, one pair of the unclean animals.
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Thank you Jimmy...everyone seems to forget this part of the story!!!
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:realitycheck:
As anyone who's ever dealt with livestock knows, by the end of the first day there aren't any clean animals left. :monkey:
 
Rhea said:
funinspace said:
Pfffft...lest you forget, their god has magic pixie dust. Anytime (yeah its probably triple digits) something makes absolutely no sense like just how did the fresh water fish survive, they just pull out the magic Omni card, and say well my god can do anything....and poof, the wood becomes godwood, stronger than titanium, lighter than aluminum; and its alloyed with the Holy Spirit, so there is no galvanic corrosion.
Click to expand...

And when they do that, I always wonder a couple of things.
One: if the pixie dust is so pixie, why need the flood at all? Why not just remove life from all the things that were bad (like the kittens, puppies and fetuses that all died) and leave Noah and his fam standing. Like "Left Behind" prequel.

Two: if the pixie dust is so pixie, why no updated edition of the bible that makes sense in all those years?
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How dare you question God's ways :lalala: Your just doing that so you can feel better about living a sinful life.
 
Rhea said:
funinspace said:
Pfffft...lest you forget, their god has magic pixie dust. Anytime (yeah its probably triple digits) something makes absolutely no sense like just how did the fresh water fish survive, they just pull out the magic Omni card, and say well my god can do anything....and poof, the wood becomes godwood, stronger than titanium, lighter than aluminum; and its alloyed with the Holy Spirit, so there is no galvanic corrosion.
Click to expand...

And when they do that, I always wonder a couple of things.
One: if the pixie dust is so pixie, why need the flood at all? Why not just remove life from all the things that were bad (like the kittens, puppies and fetuses that all died) and leave Noah and his fam standing. Like "Left Behind" prequel.

Two: if the pixie dust is so pixie, why no updated edition of the bible that makes sense in all those years?
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Because God was in Theater and everything has to be a big production.

I mean, this is nothing compared to how hard God will make it for the Hebrews to get out of Egypt.

And the Pharaoh was ready to give up, but then God didn't let him give up so the enslavement continued a little longer. DOH!

It'd been like if Obi Wan Kenobi waves his hands and says "These are the droids you are looking for... and the boy too." "This is the cell you want to interrogate them in." "These are the tools you want to stab them with." "OK, these are no longer the droids you are looking for."

Everything just has to be a big production for God though. What a prima donna.
 
gmbteach said:
If this is a true replica of the 'ark' then surely people would realise that two of every animal couldn't possibly fit into it.
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I've having this discussion with a fundy. He thins all the animals would fit. So we are going to do the calculation together. Problem is I'm not sure to start? I know others have done it, but If I were to do it from scratch how would I do it?
 
NobleSavage said:
gmbteach said:
If this is a true replica of the 'ark' then surely people would realise that two of every animal couldn't possibly fit into it.
Click to expand...

I've having this discussion with a fundy. He thins all the animals would fit. So we are going to do the calculation together. Problem is I'm not sure to start? I know others have done it, but If I were to do it from scratch how would I do it?
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I calculated the circumference of the ship, figured the area of three decks. As i recall, it came out to 18 high school basketball courts in floorspace.

Then figure a year's worth of food for an elephant would be, what, 350 tons of plant. You and fundy will have to decide if there was one or three species of elephants, and whether or not they were clean, so there could be anywhere from two elephants to fourteen to forty two, and see how much food could be crammed into a baskeball court. And that's just for elephants.... Then there's all the ungulates... Dogs and wolves and foxes.... Decide which are 'clean' and how much food they need for a year...
 
Keith&Co. said:
NobleSavage said:
I've having this discussion with a fundy. He thins all the animals would fit. So we are going to do the calculation together. Problem is I'm not sure to start? I know others have done it, but If I were to do it from scratch how would I do it?
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I calculated the circumference of the ship, figured the area of three decks. As i recall, it came out to 18 high school basketball courts in floorspace.

Then figure a year's worth of food for an elephant would be, what, 350 tons of plant. You and fundy will have to decide if there was one or three species of elephants, and whether or not they were clean, so there could be anywhere from two elephants to fourteen to forty two, and see how much food could be crammed into a baskeball court. And that's just for elephants.... Then there's all the ungulates... Dogs and wolves and foxes.... Decide which are 'clean' and how much food they need for a year...
Click to expand...

Ultimately, the fundy will handwave everything away by saying stupid shit like, "Well, God changed the animals' digestive systems and metabolism so they don't need as much food and water as normal. Also, God made animal farts and manure odorless, so the smell is not a problem." They have an "answer" for everything.
 
thebeave said:
Keith&Co. said:
I calculated the circumference of the ship, figured the area of three decks. As i recall, it came out to 18 high school basketball courts in floorspace.

Then figure a year's worth of food for an elephant would be, what, 350 tons of plant. You and fundy will have to decide if there was one or three species of elephants, and whether or not they were clean, so there could be anywhere from two elephants to fourteen to forty two, and see how much food could be crammed into a baskeball court. And that's just for elephants.... Then there's all the ungulates... Dogs and wolves and foxes.... Decide which are 'clean' and how much food they need for a year...
Click to expand...

Ultimately, the fundy will handwave everything away by saying stupid shit like, "Well, God changed the animals' digestive systems and metabolism so they don't need as much food and water as normal. Also, God made animal farts and manure odorless, so the smell is not a problem." They have an "answer" for everything.
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THen why even pretend the Ark's possible?
God could have had Noah saved by riding in a giant goldfish's mouth, or the snail on Dr. Doolittle, or a chariot pulled by seahorses. If you need to miracle away the impossibilities, then just do so and don't pretend the story makes sense.
 
Keith&Co. said:
thebeave said:
Ultimately, the fundy will handwave everything away by saying stupid shit like, "Well, God changed the animals' digestive systems and metabolism so they don't need as much food and water as normal. Also, God made animal farts and manure odorless, so the smell is not a problem." They have an "answer" for everything.
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THen why even pretend the Ark's possible?
God could have had Noah saved by riding in a giant goldfish's mouth, or the snail on Dr. Doolittle, or a chariot pulled by seahorses. If you need to miracle away the impossibilities, then just do so and don't pretend the story makes sense.
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Exactly.
 
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