I feel like you've got a pretty narrow and confining view of both men and women. I find it pretty offensive, and I'm also offended on behalf of my spouse, my married friends, my parents, and the majority of people in loving long-term monogamous relationships.
I get that the open relationship thing works for you, but I think you err in trying to frame that as normal and desirable for everyone.
Men in monogamous relationships also watch porn. If they didn't want to have sex with other women, they wouldn't. Human beings are capable of parallel thoughts. We can want to have sex with others while also want other things and therefore refrain from doing so. We have the capacity to weigh wants against each other and select what we prioritize.
What exactly is offensive about acknowledging that? I'd say nothing is gained from trying to cling to a fairy tale fantasy image of relationships that is supported by zero data. Pornhub is doing extremely well. It's not just used by singles and people in open relationships.
Wow! You really don't get it. People often watch porn for fantasy, not necessarily because they want to have sex with lots of people. My husband and I used to watch porn together when we were young. It was just an extra bit of foreplay. Sometimes it was a turn off, so we'd stop the video and get real.
I had a supervisor who loved to watch porn with her husband, and that was back in the 80s. In fact, she and I would go to lunch together Fridays, and then rent some porn VHS videos. Then on Saturday, we'd meet and exchange each other's videos to watch that night with our husbands. My supervisor was a rather plain looking woman in her late 40s, but she had a very exciting sex life with her husband. Yes. Women do talk about such things.
For us, porn became boring after several years of watching it, but I still have a few old VHS porn movies on the shelf collecting dust. Maybe I should see if they are worth some money. I recently read that old VHS tapes are now valuable.
I probably shouldn't be revealing so much personal information, but I've never felt shy about discussing sex with other people. I even discussed it with my former patients when they brought the topic up. There were sometimes affairs among the octogenarians going on in the facility where I worked, but I digress.
Nancy Friday wrote two books about female sexual fantasies. ( "My Secret Garden" and "Forbidden Flowers" ) She interviewed numerous women who were willing to openly discuss their sexual fantasies. None of them wanted to carry out these fantasies in real life. Some enjoyed masturbating to their fantasies. For women, that can be very satisfying sex. Pleasuring oneself is the safest, most care free type of sex available. It's certainly safer and less complicated than having casual sex, or sex with a group of people, even if that's your thing. Life is full of fantasy and myths, and most of them aren't sexual.
Have you never had a fantasy that you never really would want to do in real life, regardless if it involved sex or something else? If not, you must not have a very vivid imagination, or maybe you're simply wired differently from the majority.
Just because you like having an open relationship that permits you to fuck around freely, doesn't mean that the rest of us find that desirable. We don't care that you like having multiple sex partners, but when you project your life style on the rest of us it comes across as arrogant. When you claim that we are living a fairy tale, that comes across as obnoxious. You don't know what's in our minds. You have no idea what we desire or what makes us happy. You are simply projecting your own feelings on the rest of us. We, on the other hand, are not doing that to you.