35 Questions Black People Have For White People

[AthenaAwakened]

35 Questions Black People Have For White People

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?

2. Why do y’all dance like that?

3. Will you PLEASE stop trying to touch our hair without asking?

4. Why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play white fictional characters?

5. And why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play fictional characters that are actually of color?

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?

8. Are y’all ever gonna stop wearing Jesus sandals?

9. And speaking of Jesus, you know he wasn’t white, right?

10. Southerners, do you really not get why the Confederate flag is offensive to us?

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?

12. Are you worried that reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Mob Wives cast white people in a stereotypical light?

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?

14. Do you have family reunions?

15. Why don’t you use washcloths?

16. Why do you want to say the n-word soooooo badly?

17. Why do you always make such awful decisions in horror movies?

18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?

19. Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?

20. What is it like being able to talk shit to police officers and not worry about being shot?

21. Why do y’all need an “extreme” or “ultimate” version of all the sports?

22. Why do y’all like “Turn Down for What” and the “Ignition” remix so much?

23. How come you can’t pronounce “black names” like Quvenzhané but can say Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and LaBeouf just fine?

24. Do you all really eat green bean casserole? And like it?

25. What do you have against seasonings and spices?


26. Why do you kiss your dogs in the mouth?

27. Why do you wear shorts in the winter?

28. Do you know how messed up using the term “nonwhite” to describe people of color is?

29. Do you know that “you’re not like other black people” is not a compliment?

30. Why do y’all think you discovered “beauty trends” that we’ve been doing for years, like cornrows, Timberlands, and having a big ass?

31. Are you aware that Friends was basically a rip-off of Living Single?

32. If being a minority isn’t so bad, why are you so terrified of being one?

33. What’s the deal with cargo pants? Why do you need such an extreme number of pockets?

34. You don’t really believe that racism is over because we have a black president, do you?

35. You’re going to leave a comment saying “If white people made a post like this about black people, it’d be racist,” aren’t you?

 

[Archimedes]

This is going to be a trainwreck of a thread.

 

[Nice Squirrel]

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?
Yes.

2. Why do y’all dance like that?
We have things in our butts that shouldn't be there like gerbils and light bulbs.

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?
Because destroying a city allows us to rebuild, and we need something to do until next year's season.

8. Are y’all ever gonna stop wearing Jesus sandals?
I have no idea what this is.

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?
If it were not pumpkin spice the market for nutmeg would crash.

12. Are you worried that reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Mob Wives cast white people in a stereotypical light?
Nope, just Honey Boo Boo.

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?
Because we know people with Ceilac's Disease, and the crazies who go "gluten free" diets make it better for those who actually cannot have gluten.

14. Do you have family reunions?
Yes.

15. Why don’t you use washcloths?
Cooties

16. Why do you want to say the n-word soooooo badly?
Because "nonchalant" sounds sooo cool. Other than that, I have no idea what you are talking about.

20. What is it like being able to talk shit to police officers and not worry about being shot?
They call me "sir".

21. Why do y’all need an “extreme” or “ultimate” version of all the sports?
'Merica Fuck yeah!

22. Why do y’all like “Turn Down for What” and the “Ignition” remix so much?
I don't know what this means.

23. How come you can’t pronounce “black names” like Quvenzhané but can say Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and LaBeouf just fine?
Really? Have you hung out with white people? We pronounce karaoke: "ka-row-key" and the "w" in "sword"

24. Do you all really eat green bean casserole? And like it?
A casserole? Ick, never, but green bean hot dish is great with shoestring potatoes... and in quantity. (Kudos for those that get this joke.)

25. What do you have against seasonings and spices?
Nothing. I use ketchup on a regular basis.

26. Why do you kiss your dogs in the mouth?
Because their butts are cleaner than out mouths.

27. Why do you wear shorts in the winter?
Acclimatization.

31. Are you aware that Friends was basically a rip-off of Living Single?
Who cares?

 

[Bronzeage]

35 Questions Black People Have For White People

1. Different drummers, you know.

2. It's a cultural thing. I could explain it, but you wouldn't understand.

3. Sure, no problem.

4. I don't know,maybe it's something like Anthony Quinn playing a Native American.

5. And why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play fictional characters that are actually of color?

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?

7. Too much beer.

8. When it gets cold outside. Duh

9. Probably wasn't blue eyed, either. Take it up with Leonardo DiVinci, but credit due to Mel Gibson for turning Jesus's eyes brown in post production.

10. Actually, yes.

11. That's good stuff, in small doses.

12. No more than the Beverly Hillbillys did.

13. No clue.

14. Of course. We're not cats or dogs.

15. What? Where did that come from?

16. I suppose there's some standard English pronunciation guide to this sort of thing, but I always figured it was a Toe-mate-toe vs Tah-mot-toe kind of thing.

17. Would a horror movie full of smart people be any fun at all?

18. I asked him and he said he was cool with that.

19. No.

20. Pretty fucking good, actually. It's one of the few times anyone actually listens to a middle aged white man.

21. Freak shows don't show ordinary people.

22. Don't have any idea what this means.

23. Same reason people have no idea how to pronounce Thibodeaux or Boudreaux, or St.Amant, until they hear someone say it.

24. Not all green bean casseroles are created equal. Never use store brand cream of mushroom soup.

25. Seriously? You haven't had lunch in my neighborhood.

26. Fuck if I know and I don't want to know.

27. Must be our Northern European heritage coming out.

28. Don't worry. In a couple years, we'll think of a different offensive term.

29. Would you prefer, "One of a kind"?

30. Do you understand the curse of straight hair? Didn't think so.

31. Yeah, and Pat Boone recorded Tutti Frutti, too.

32. I'm not worried. If there are less white people, it should pay better to be one.

33. Because I'm not going to carry a purse.

34. No. Was it supposed to be?

35. Fooled you.

 

[bigfield]

The fun is in asking the questions, not in giving the answers.

Questions for Black People:

Why are you all in gangs?

Why do you always try to take the cop's gun at every traffic stop?

Why is your grammar so terrible?

Why do you wear wigs and hide your own hair?

Why are you so happy to be at church?

Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?

Our media keeps trying to claim her even though she is trying her hardest to pretend that she's American.

So fuck you, you're stuck with her.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?

That's racist

2. Why do y’all dance like that?

That's racist

3. Will you PLEASE stop trying to touch our hair without asking?

No. No we will not. We realize how annoying it is but ... we just can't help ourselves. Sorry.

4. Why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play white fictional characters?

Because it steals work from hardworking white actors.

5. And why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play fictional characters that are actually of color?

Because it steals work from hardworking white act ... oh wait, no - this one is just us being racist.

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?

No reason. We're just drunk.

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?

No reason. We're just drunk.

8. Are y’all ever gonna stop wearing Jesus sandals?

Just as soon as they stop being cool. So ... never.

9. And speaking of Jesus, you know he wasn’t white, right?

He's a fictional character. We wrote him as a white guy. Deal with it.

10. Southerners, do you really not get why the Confederate flag is offensive to us?

We get it, but we like to pretend that we don't in order to have our racism be socially acceptable.

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?

Of course. It tastes awesome.

12. Are you worried that reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Mob Wives cast white people in a stereotypical light?

No. Not really.

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?

None of us know. We just are.

14. Do you have family reunions?

Yes. However, white people have them to celebrate occasions such as a child graduating university, as opposed to the blacks who have them to celebrate a child getting out of jail.

15. Why don’t you use washcloths?

We do use them. Stop being racist.

16. Why do you want to say the n-word soooooo badly?

Because you tell us we can't. It's like if you put a sign on a door saying "DO NOT OPEN THIS DOOR - NOT EVEN TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS". We're totally opening that door ... and stop telling us what to do.

17. Why do you always make such awful decisions in horror movies?

We just assume that our whiteness will save us. This doesn't always work out as well as we plan.

18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?

He's pretty much learned to live with it by now.

19. Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?

No, and if you keep asking, we're sending you Justin Beiber as well.

20. What is it like being able to talk shit to police officers and not worry about being shot?

It is just as frigging awesome as you'd think it would be.

21. Why do y’all need an “extreme” or “ultimate” version of all the sports?

It allows us to experience a sense of danger and elitism without all the bother of actually facing danger or being elite.

22. Why do y’all like “Turn Down for What” and the “Ignition” remix so much?

We actually just started liking them ironically, but then got too caught up in the whole thing and forgot the ironic part.

23. How come you can’t pronounce “black names” like Quvenzhané but can say Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and LaBeouf just fine?

We can pronounce them. We simply choose not to.

24. Do you all really eat green bean casserole? And like it?

No. That's a racist myth.

25. What do you have against seasonings and spices?

The taste.

26. Why do you kiss your dogs in the mouth?

Because they're just so damn adorable.

27. Why do you wear shorts in the winter?

Because we're not a bunch of fucking pussies who can't handle the cold.

28. Do you know how messed up using the term “nonwhite” to describe people of color is?

Look, if you're not "us", you're "not us". The particular variatioin of "not us" tends not to be relevant.

29. Do you know that “you’re not like other black people” is not a compliment?

Yes. Yes we do. Nobody does passive-aggressive compliment/smackdowns like white people do.

30. Why do y’all think you discovered “beauty trends” that we’ve been doing for years, like cornrows, Timberlands, and having a big ass?

Because stealing them allowed us to discover things without going through all the hard work of doing discovery.

31. Are you aware that Friends was basically a rip-off of Living Single?

Ya, but the show was on for five years before anyone came along who actually watched both and noticed this, so it wasn't much an issue.

32. If being a minority isn’t so bad, why are you so terrified of being one?

By "not bad" we meant "not bad for us". Was that somehow unclear?

33. What’s the deal with cargo pants? Why do you need such an extreme number of pockets?

We have to put our extra money somewhere.

34. You don’t really believe that racism is over because we have a black president, do you?

Ya, we kind of do. Now, stop bringing it up.

35. You’re going to leave a comment saying “If white people made a post like this about black people, it’d be racist,” aren’t you?

That's racist.

 

[AthenaAwakened]

The fun is in asking the questions, not in giving the answers.

Questions for Black People:

Why are you all in gangs?

Because y'all are.

Why do you always try to take the cop's gun at every traffic stop?

Because when cops keep their guns, they shoot us.

Why is your grammar so terrible?

Because we learned English from white people.

Why do you wear wigs and hide your own hair?

To keep wondering white hands out of it.

Why are you so happy to be at church?

Because we have singers like Mahalia, Aretha, and Patti.

Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?

Our media keeps trying to claim her even though she is trying her hardest to pretend that she's American.

So fuck you, you're stuck with her.

I ain't stuck with shit. I know how to send packages by air and have no problem with putting Miss Thing in a box and shipping her back.

 

[bigfield]

Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?

Our media keeps trying to claim her even though she is trying her hardest to pretend that she's American.

So fuck you, you're stuck with her.

I ain't stuck with shit. I know how to send packages by air and have no problem with putting Miss Thing in a box and shipping her back.

You'd probably have more luck with a poster tube.

 

[Togo]

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?
Yes, particularly if you favour music with a strong melodic line and no percussion.

2. Why do y’all dance like that?
To impress girls with our carefree spirit. If you were dancing while continuously thinking about what you look like to other people, you too would be doing the awkward shuffle.

3. Will you PLEASE stop trying to touch our hair without asking?
When you stop treating a ponytail as if it's something we left lying around on our back for someone to pick up and hand back, sure.

4. Why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play white fictional characters?
Because genuine excuses to freak out are few and far between, so if we want to rant in public, we have to look really hard.

5. And why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play fictional characters that are actually of color?
See above.

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?
See above

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?
Because we didn't really expect to win, and already have all the beers in.

8. Are y’all ever gonna stop wearing Jesus sandals?
When hell turns into a skating rink, we'll.. still be wearing them, but with thicker socks. Look, it's footwear where you can watch your toes moving. That never gets old.

9. And speaking of Jesus, you know he wasn’t white, right?
White isn't a skin colour, it's a them and us thing. And when you're mean and selfish, and following a religion leader who exhorted us to love thy neighbour, you want your neighbours to be as small a pool of people as possible.

10. Southerners, do you really not get why the Confederate flag is offensive to us?
No. Some of us are still trying to argue that segregation was a good idea that only went sour because government got involved in it.

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?
Nutmeg is an aphrodisiac. When someone cooks with pumpkins spice, it's a reminder for you to invite them to your next orgy. No one eats that stuff for the taste.

12. Are you worried that reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Mob Wives cast white people in a stereotypical light?
No, we're worried that they present a standard we won't live up to.

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?
Paranoia about the content of bread is a tradition that goes back to the 14ht century. Question it at your peril!

14. Do you have family reunions?
Yes. They're hellish, and thus held in secret, but they're there.

15. Why don’t you use washcloths?
Because if you had to design the perfect way to spread disease between as many people as possible, getting a warm, slightly damp cloth that everyone has to rub themselves without washing afterwards is pretty much the perfect way to do it.

16. Why do you want to say the n-word soooooo badly?
Because talking about race while white, is a bit like talking to the police while black. You're just one step away from arbitrarily being gunned down.

17. Why do you always make such awful decisions in horror movies?
Because death is a white-person's metaphor for sex, and we really really want to see pretty teenagers caught as thoroughly as possible.

18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?
Oh, yeah. Or at least he was when we last talked to him. Three years ago. And come to think of it I can't remember what he was saying because I was really only there for the novelty value. But in my head, we're best buds and he's totally fine with everything.

19. Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?
Sorry, once they're out of the wrapper...

20. What is it like being able to talk shit to police officers and not worry about being shot?
Pretty cool. It's a bit like having a waiter. You may not like him, he may not like you, but he feels obliged to be nice to you anyway. And you can get spectacular service if you tip well.

21. Why do y’all need an “extreme” or “ultimate” version of all the sports?
To stop it being an open competition based on talent. You have met white folk, right?

22. Why do y’all like “Turn Down for What” and the “Ignition” remix so much?
Sorry, never heard of them. Are they anything like 'lite' beer?

23. How come you can’t pronounce “black names” like Quvenzhané but can say Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and LaBeouf just fine?
Because in school, France and Germany is more important than Spain, or central and south America.

24. Do you all really eat green bean casserole? And like it?
Food is not for flavour, it is to display ideals, and to show penance

25. What do you have against seasonings and spices?
The same reason you check the engine and tires of a car before you buy it. The purpose of food is to demonstrate quality, refinement, and social ideals. Making it tasty defeats the purpose of this, and thus is associated only with food of low quality. See also classical music, art appreciation, literary criticism, etc.

26. Why do you kiss your dogs in the mouth?
Because we really like our dogs. Spouses get the same treatment, on a good day.

27. Why do you wear shorts in the winter?
Because clothing is about formality and occasion, not practicality. If you're not wearing shorts, part of you is still at work.

28. Do you know how messed up using the term “nonwhite” to describe people of color is?
Almost as bad as using 'co-ed' to describe a student who is female?

29. Do you know that “you’re not like other black people” is not a compliment?
Hey, an occasion where we can tell you guys apart is rare, and should be celebrated

30. Why do y’all think you discovered “beauty trends” that we’ve been doing for years, like cornrows, Timberlands, and having a big ass?
We haven't. It started as a dare, and it went wrong.

31. Are you aware that Friends was basically a rip-off of Living Single?
If you'd watched any British television in the 1980s, you might think twice about either program being original.

32. If being a minority isn’t so bad, why are you so terrified of being one?
Because we'll be crap at it?

33. What’s the deal with cargo pants? Why do you need such an extreme number of pockets?
Because when it comes to minor drug offences, we like to encourage policeman on stop-and-search to bother someone else. Ever heard an Italian give 9 or more names to a cop writing a speeding ticket? Same principle. Sure one of my pockets may contain a Ziploc baggie, but is it really worth spending an hour or more finding out?

34. You don’t really believe that racism is over because we have a black president, do you?
It was worth a try.

35. You’re going to leave a comment saying “If white people made a post like this about black people, it’d be racist,” aren’t you?
No, I'm going to leave a tongue-in-cheek response and hope like hell no one takes me seriously.

 

[Duke Leto]

35 Questions Black People Have For White People

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?

This is a hurtful and hateful stereotype that really needs to stop.

4. Why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play white fictional characters?

Actually the only time I have objected to a Black person playing any role was the Shakespeare Theater of Washington DC's 1997 adaptation of the three Henry VI plays in which an African-American actor portrayed the Humphrey Stafford, 1st Duke of Buckingham. The reasoning being that Buckingham was NOT a fictional character. I now feel rather a jackass for it.

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?

In fairness, I live near Philadelphia, so to my understanding it's mostly just toned down to generalized grumbling and (more frequently) unfounded speculations on how much better the Eagles would do with a White Quarterback.

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?

This is simply not an issue in Philadelphia.

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?

No, generally prefer Cinnamon Dolce.

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?

Apparently human beings with money have to make up problems that don't exist in the event that they have no real ones.

14. Do you have family reunions?

Yes, but, generally only one side of a family at a time maybe twice per year, but with decreasing frequency over time in my particular family because my also Asperger's afflicted father HATED them and because the logistics got increasingly difficult over the years. (My Irish maternal grandmother had six siblings that survived to adulthood 5 of whom married and had families of comparable size, so getting just those 100 plus 2nd cousins into a single McMansion was a nightmare.) I think more generally that extended family matters much less after every couple has their own house.

15. Why don’t you use washcloths?

Why DO you? It's one more thing to get cleaned every day and if germs get on the soap they won't stay very long.

17. Why do you always make such awful decisions in horror movies?

Narrative necessities to keep the plot going (a serial killer who is easily arrested in the first 15 minutes only works on Law & Order), plus higher probability of characters in any movie BEING White, see questions 4. & 5..

18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?

Me, personally, I have very little doubt that I have lingering subconscious prejudices that I don't want to have, so I never use that quote as stated.

19. Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?

At this point it is our contention that Iggy Azalea should be excluded from all races.

20. What is it like being able to talk shit to police officers and not worry about being shot?

I have honestly never talked shit to a police officer, unless you count "You're writing me up for going 35.4 miles per hour coasting downhill in a 25 mph zone? Well I hope you get some of the 60 mph assholes you were sent out here for." That ticket was withdrawn by the chief after my father complained to the sergeant.

23. How come you can’t pronounce “black names” like Quvenzhané but can say Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and LaBeouf just fine?

Having a poorly anglicized German/Danish surname, I can assure you that unless the name in question belongs to a celebrity, they can't.

24. Do you all really eat green bean casserole? And like it?

FUCK NO! And the thing about us liking Mayonnaise is total libel.

25. What do you have against seasonings and spices?

What you talkin' about?

26. Why do you kiss your dogs in the mouth?

I was raised to find this behavior disgusting. More generally, perhaps it's not enough affection from the extended families we don't have reunions with?

27. Why do you wear shorts in the winter?

I refuse to wear shorts in the summer. (Disgustingly hairy legs.)

28. Do you know how messed up using the term “nonwhite” to describe people of color is?

Yes.

31. Are you aware that Friends was basically a rip-off of Living Single?

I was more of a Simpsons kid.

32. If being a minority isn’t so bad, why are you so terrified of being one?

I think I would rather have grown up Black then have had Asperger's AND Bipolar Disorder, but this may be a greener grass question.

34. You don’t really believe that racism is over because we have a black president, do you?

I'm on record as saying that the number of people who'd have voted for a White Democrat in 2008 and 2012 is staggering, so no.

 

[ronburgundy]

...

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?

Not the first few claps, but afterwards, yeah.

4. Why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play white fictional characters?

Because I saw Kevin Costner instead of Wesley Snipes when reading Rising Sun.

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?

Pride!

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?

Pride!

9. And speaking of Jesus, you know he wasn’t white, right?

The little boy who saw him, but actually didn't said he was white.

10. Southerners, do you really not get why the Confederate flag is offensive to us?

I want to take this one. While the Civil War was fought for the "right" to slavery, as a white guy, I'm extremely offended by the Confederate Battle Flag. The rebellion was an attempt to up end Democracy and it cost the lives of well over half a million Americans. It isn't about heritage. It isn't about pride. It is about celebrating the attempted upending of our Constitution and would end up in the end costing the lives of 600,000 Americans and the life of a standing American President. Celebrating that is celebrating treason. You don't have to be black to be offended by the Confederate Flag.

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?

???

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?

Need something to blame for feeling miserable. It ain't easy being white!

16. Why do you want to say the n-word soooooo badly?

We are white. We don't like not being able to do stuff. It makes us feel under-privileged.

18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?

Yup, but he hates it when I call him Buckwheat all the time. Don't know why. Called him Toby for a bit, but that resulted in a black eye. Why you folk so sensitive?

 

[dystopian]

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?
No. Not really.

2. Why do y’all dance like that?
I'll just leave this here:

3. Will you PLEASE stop trying to touch our hair without asking?
I don't touch people's hair period. I don't know where it's been.

4. Why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play white fictional characters?
I don't "freak out" about it. However, my reaction depends on the character and the quality of the black actor: if the actor's good enough or the character minor enough, then I don't generally care about such changes to canon and can/will enjoy it. There's plenty of examples of awesome black actors taking on roles of traditionally white character and killing it. On the other hand, having characters that have always been explicitly white suddenly portrayed by black actors for reasons other than 'holy shit this actor is amazing in the role' is just as annoying as having non-white characters suddenly portrayed by white actors (ie; Dragonball, Avatar, etc).

5. And why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play fictional characters that are actually of color?
Why would anyone freak out about that?

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?
I don't. I don't watch sports.

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?
See above.

8. Are y’all ever gonna stop wearing Jesus sandals?
What is with these bizarre questions? Nobody wears sandals.

9. And speaking of Jesus, you know he wasn’t white, right?
Wait. If fictional characters who were born white can suddenly turn black, then why can't fictional characters born 'other' suddenly turn white?

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?
What the fuck is pumpkin spice.

12. Are you worried that reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Mob Wives cast white people in a stereotypical light?
What the fuck are these shows even?

I don't watch TV.

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?
Because it's tasty? Oh, you meant the hippies who hate the stuff.

14. Do you have family reunions?
Hah. No.

15. Why don’t you use washcloths?
Again with these bizarre questions. Are you telling me white people in America don't use washcloths?

16. Why do you want to say the n-word soooooo badly?
I don't. But venturing a guess on behalf of those that do; because black rappers have spent decades trying to make the word sound cool?

17. Why do you always make such awful decisions in horror movies?
I don't want to hear that from a black person. At least *some* white people survive horror movies.

18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?
Does my Asian muslim friend count for this question?

19. Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?
Who?

20. What is it like being able to talk shit to police officers and not worry about being shot?
Pretty awesome I guess?

21. Why do y’all need an “extreme” or “ultimate” version of all the sports?
The nineties.

22. Why do y’all like “Turn Down for What” and the “Ignition” remix so much?
What is this even.

23. How come you can’t pronounce “black names” like Quvenzhané but can say Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and LaBeouf just fine?
Practice.

24. Do you all really eat green bean casserole? And like it?
I do not know what that is. So, no.

25. What do you have against seasonings and spices?
I'm the wrong white ethnicity to ask. Sambal is almost as pervasive in Dutch society as is cheese. SAMBAL IS LOVE.

26. Why do you kiss your dogs in the mouth?
Why wouldn't I?

27. Why do you wear shorts in the winter?
Why wouldn't I? White skin is basically proof I can survive freezing temperatures, right?

28. Do you know how messed up using the term “nonwhite” to describe people of color is?

Depends on the context. When you're in a group of cat lovers, does it make sense to refer to other people as "dog lovers, parrot lovers, hamster loves, rat lovers, chameleon, snake lovers, horse lovers, and those who don't love animals at all"? Or would it make more sense to just say "non-cat lovers."? Using such shorthand isn't messed up by definition; it's all in how you use it.

29. Do you know that “you’re not like other black people” is not a compliment?

Technically, to a racist it would in fact be a compliment. Whether something is a compliment depends on the intention of the people uttering it, not the entirely justified offense taken by everyone else.

30. Why do y’all think you discovered “beauty trends” that we’ve been doing for years, like cornrows, Timberlands, and having a big ass?

Not sure these are beauty trends.

31. Are you aware that Friends was basically a rip-off of Living Single?

Nobody cares about Friends anymore.

32. If being a minority isn’t so bad, why are you so terrified of being one?

I'm not.

33. What’s the deal with cargo pants? Why do you need such an extreme number of pockets?

I don't have to justify my space requirements to you. If I never fill those pockets, that's my business.


34. You don’t really believe that racism is over because we have a black president, do you?
We don't have a president at all.

But, no.

35. You’re going to leave a comment saying “If white people made a post like this about black people, it’d be racist,” aren’t you?
No.

 

[Jolly_Penguin]

...

The answer to number 35, is that yes if a white person made such a post directed at black people it would indeed be racist, and so is this. Though really it seems pretty lighthearted rather than mean spirited.

 

[Terrell]

The horror movie question was hilarious. Makes me think of the GEICO commercial, where the dyed-blonde girl says "Why don't we just get in the running car"?

 

[Ford]

3. Will you PLEASE stop trying to touch our hair without asking?

Whenever I ask, y'all look at me like I'm crazy.


5. And why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play fictional characters that are actually of color?

I know, right? Watched The 10 Commandments on Easter. No Egyptians. Watched Gladiator. No Italians.

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?

Not a lot of unarmed white kids getting shot by cops, so we gotta riot about something...


9. And speaking of Jesus, you know he wasn’t white, right?

You've caught us in the middle of a phase where we hate Middle Eastern type people. Please hold...

10. Southerners, do you really not get why the Confederate flag is offensive to us?

States rights bother you?


12. Are you worried that reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Mob Wives cast white people in a stereotypical light?

Ha. "Reality."


18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?

Which one?

22. Why do y’all like “Turn Down for What” and the “Ignition” remix so much?

They've got a beat we can clap to.


35. You’re going to leave a comment saying “If white people made a post like this about black people, it’d be racist,” aren’t you?

This may shock you, but some white people have a sense of humor. We laugh at stuff all the time. Just not Katt Williams. He's not funny.

 

[Horatio Parker]

35 Questions Black People Have For White People

1. Is clapping on beat really that hard?

Only for people for whom two and four doesn't have to be smacked upside the head, like some kind of rhythmic abuse.

2. Why do y’all dance like that?

Getting the blood up to ransack a town.

3. Will you PLEASE stop trying to touch our hair without asking?

Asking is for wimps, not the Masters of the Universe.

4. Why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play white fictional characters?

Because blackface is no longer acceptable.

5. And why do you freak out when people of color are cast to play fictional characters that are actually of color?

As above.

6. Why do you riot when your sports team loses?

Mere light entertainment. For real fun, we use drones and stuff.

7. Why do you riot when your sports team wins?

As above.

8. Are y’all ever gonna stop wearing Jesus sandals?

They were good enough for Him.

9. And speaking of Jesus, you know he wasn’t white, right?

Sorry to disappoint you...

10. Southerners, do you really not get why the Confederate flag is offensive to us?

Of course. Do you not get why we want to offend you?

11. Are you all really into pumpkin spice like that?

It's better than potato spice, the other option.

12. Are you worried that reality shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Mob Wives cast white people in a stereotypical light?

I'm worried that I'll never have such a housewife.

13. Why are y’all so obsessed with gluten?

Bread is for peons.

14. Do you have family reunions?

No need. We already know what will transpire.

15. Why don’t you use washcloths?

We like clean things.

16. Why do you want to say the n-word soooooo badly?

Because you said we can't.

17. Why do you always make such awful decisions in horror movies?

Delayed gratification.

18. Is your black friend cool with being used as the reason you “can’t be racist”?

As long as I keep the food hot and beer cold.

19. Can you please take Iggy Azalea back?

Her back is the only reason to take her.

20. What is it like being able to talk shit to police officers and not worry about being shot?

It's like an exercise in non vulgar expression, sometimes referred to as diplomacy.

21. Why do y’all need an “extreme” or “ultimate” version of all the sports?

Because we're the Ultimate Extreme.

22. Why do y’all like “Turn Down for What” and the “Ignition” remix so much?

To motivate us to have sex with our wives.

23. How come you can’t pronounce “black names” like Quvenzhané but can say Schwarzenegger, Galifianakis, and LaBeouf just fine?

I suspect you already know.

24. Do you all really eat green bean casserole? And like it?

We eat it. No one said anything about liking it.

25. What do you have against seasonings and spices?

Sneezing.

26. Why do you kiss your dogs in the mouth?

"In" the mouth? Can't you proof read?

27. Why do you wear shorts in the winter?

We are people of the Ice.

28. Do you know how messed up using the term “nonwhite” to describe people of color is?

No.

29. Do you know that “you’re not like other black people” is not a compliment?

No.

30. Why do y’all think you discovered “beauty trends” that we’ve been doing for years, like cornrows, Timberlands, and having a big ass?

Who sells you your trendy items?

31. Are you aware that Friends was basically a rip-off of Living Single?

Yes.

32. If being a minority isn’t so bad, why are you so terrified of being one?

Explaining to my family and friends.

33. What’s the deal with cargo pants? Why do you need such an extreme number of pockets?

Guns and tools.

34. You don’t really believe that racism is over because we have a black president, do you?

No. Because it was already over.

35. You’re going to leave a comment saying “If white people made a post like this about black people, it’d be racist,” aren’t you?

Now I don't have to.

 

[ZiprHead]

Who the fuck is Iggy Azalea?

And my ass has been HUGE for years.

 

[Bronzeage]

Who the fuck is Iggy Azalea?

And my ass has been HUGE for years.

An ornamental shrub which is gets little attention.

 

[AthenaAwakened]

Who the fuck is Iggy Azalea?

And my ass has been HUGE for years.

If you don't know, count your blessings.