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A Brief Summary of the Christian Bible

T.G.G. Moogly

Traditional Atheist
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Mar 18, 2001
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Once upon a time there wasn't anything, and so a god made everything. Then people were made but the people became bad so that no one lived happily ever after anymore. Then the people were redeemed, but still not living happily ever after. So now the good ones go to heaven after they die and the bad ones go to hell.

That would be my understanding of the christian bible's most basic message. What would you change?
 
Once upon a time there wasn't anything, and so a god made everything. Then people were made but the people became bad so that no one lived happily ever after anymore. Then the people were offered redemption redeemed, but still not living happily ever after. So now the redeemed good ones go to heaven after they die and the bad ones go to hell.

That would be my understanding of the christian bible's most basic message. What would you change?

FIFY
 
Once upon a time there wasn't anything, and so a god made everything. Then people were made but the people became bad so that no one lived happily ever after anymore. Then the people were redeemed, but still not living happily ever after. So now the good ones go to heaven after they die and the bad ones go to hell.

That would be my understanding of the christian bible's most basic message. What would you change?

Not bad. Shorter version might be: 'Love me or else'. :devil-flames:
 
That never fails to put it succinctly, if harshly, imo. And many atheists just don't get how many theists don't see it, and many theists don't get how atheists can see it that way. Therein lies the gulf between the two perspectives.
 
You can simplify it even more.

Once upon a time people wondered how they got here, why they are here, and what happens after they die. So God told them.
 
You can simplify it even more.

Once upon a time people wondered how they got here, why they are here, and what happens after they die. So God told them.

OK, but when he was telling the story, why'd he include the bit about the talking donkey? Was he drunk or something?
 
That never fails to put it succinctly, if harshly, imo. And many atheists just don't get how many theists don't see it, and many theists don't get how atheists can see it that way. Therein lies the gulf between the two perspectives.

I think the gulf is in questioning. Atheists do it, theists do not.
 
Once upon a time there wasn't anything, and so a god made everything. Then people were made but the people became bad so that no one lived happily ever after anymore. Then the people were offered redemption redeemed, but still not living happily ever after. So now the redeemed good ones go to heaven after they die and the bad ones go to hell.

That would be my understanding of the christian bible's most basic message. What would you change?

FIFY

It's my understanding that everyone was redeemed. What else would be the point? Didn't the god intend for all these people to be there. It would not make sense for the god to suddenly change its tactics in the middle of a campaign when nothing had changed. Babies aren't offered redemption, the god redeemed them because they became bad.

The way it operates is that you can be redeemed and still go to hell.
 
Once upon a time there wasn't anything, and so a god made everything. Then people were made but the people became bad so that no one lived happily ever after anymore. Then the people were redeemed, but still not living happily ever after. So now the good ones go to heaven after they die and the bad ones go to hell.

That would be my understanding of the christian bible's most basic message. What would you change?

I don't think that is an adequate summary in the slightest. It only covers the events of a few chapters out of the 1200, and includes some material that isn't even in the Bible.

It would be an adequate summary of early 20th century Protestant soteriology, though.
 
Perhaps I am over-interpreting your use of the term "summary" though. Do you mean something more like a "moral" or a "takeaway"? A summary, to me, is usually a brief restatement of the major points of a work, condensing examples and justifications to leave only the gist of the arguments or narrative arcs contained. In a summary of an anthology, I would normally expect to see at least a brief explanation of each of the books/articles it contains and their primary arguments. If preparing an edited volume, for instance, an editor wouldn't usually choose to describe only two of the articles it contains. Indeed, many published Bibles contain just such a summary at the head of each book, usually a feature of those referred to as "study bibles".
 
It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.

- Mark Twain​
 
Yep
Heaps of lies in the bible.
Eg "You will not certainly die". Genesis 3:4
That's a lie
 
Yep
Heaps of lies in the bible.
Eg "You will not certainly die". Genesis 3:4
That's a lie

Perhaps the serpent was misquoted.

Then again, one well may be so overwhelmed with the fact that the serpent can talk that one can overlook the veracity of its speech.
 
Perhaps I am over-interpreting your use of the term "summary" though. Do you mean something more like a "moral" or a "takeaway"? A summary, to me, is usually a brief restatement of the major points of a work, condensing examples and justifications to leave only the gist of the arguments or narrative arcs contained. In a summary of an anthology, I would normally expect to see at least a brief explanation of each of the books/articles it contains and their primary arguments. If preparing an edited volume, for instance, an editor wouldn't usually choose to describe only two of the articles it contains. Indeed, many published Bibles contain just such a summary at the head of each book, usually a feature of those referred to as "study bibles".

Yes. I suppose I should have used your offering, "takeaway."

I was attempting to find an overarching plot to explain all the subplots. Perhaps I could have used "salvation," but many who read and even adhere to their bibles will not achieve salvation.

It's similar to taking all the works of a given author and attempting to distill a very short statement of purpose, the bible being even more difficult because it has multiple authors over time, and all the inherent translation difficulties.

Maybe "The original guide to imperial christianity" would have worked.
 
Perhaps I am over-interpreting your use of the term "summary" though. Do you mean something more like a "moral" or a "takeaway"? A summary, to me, is usually a brief restatement of the major points of a work, condensing examples and justifications to leave only the gist of the arguments or narrative arcs contained. In a summary of an anthology, I would normally expect to see at least a brief explanation of each of the books/articles it contains and their primary arguments. If preparing an edited volume, for instance, an editor wouldn't usually choose to describe only two of the articles it contains. Indeed, many published Bibles contain just such a summary at the head of each book, usually a feature of those referred to as "study bibles".

Yes. I suppose I should have used your offering, "takeaway."

I was attempting to find an overarching plot to explain all the subplots. Perhaps I could have used "salvation," but many who read and even adhere to their bibles will not achieve salvation.

It's similar to taking all the works of a given author and attempting to distill a very short statement of purpose, the bible being even more difficult because it has multiple authors over time, and all the inherent translation difficulties.

Maybe "The original guide to imperial christianity" would have worked.
That makes more sense. I don't think I agree that the Bible has an over-arching plot arc, though. Salvation is a major theme in much of it, for instance, but not all of it; there are entire books that say nothing on the subject, and most of the Hebrew Scriptures ignore the afterlife in particular; they believed in one, it never comes up. You could just as easily make the case that the major plot arc is the fate of the house of Israel, for instance, which is not absent from any of the Biblical texts entirely as far as I know, not even the epistles.
 
Once upon a time Father God told all husbands who doubted their wives' faithfulness to drink a bowl of muddy water to see if -- Jesus Fucking Christ!!! He told them to drink a bowl of muddy water???? Sorry, I'm not gonna bother with the rest of the summary.
 
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