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Caption Contest

View attachment 4480
The good think about the Black and Decker system is that you CAN ride a horse, go swimming, surf, kayak... You can do anything while wearing it! The bad part is when it comes time to change the tampon...
 
View attachment 4511

"I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead --
For goodness’ sake, don’t call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat…
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not the moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, nor broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,

And then there’s dose and rose and lose --
Just look them up -- and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.

And do and go, then thwart and cart,
Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start!

A dreadful language? Why, sakes alive!
I’d learned to speak it when I was five.

And yet, to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn’t learned it at fifty-five."

And again...
 
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View attachment 4511

"I will not fake seizures. I will not burp in class. I will not instigate revolution. Beans are neither fruit nor musical. The school does not need a 'regime change.' This punishment is not boring and pointless. I did not see Elvis. 'Non-flammable" is not a challenge. A burp is not an answer. I will only provide a urine sample when asked. I will not xerox my butt. I will not hide the teacher's medication. No one cares what my definition of 'is' is. I will not obey the voices in my head. I will not hang donuts on my person. I will not charge admission to the bathroom. I will not hide behind the fifth amendment. I will return the seeing-eye dog. I will not do that thing with my tongue. I will not dissect things unless instructed. I will not carve gods. I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage. The boys room is not a water park. I will not surprise the incontinent. I will not publish the principle's credit report. I cannot absolve sins. Grammar is not a waste of time. Fridays are not really 'pants optional.' No one wants to hear my armpits. I do not have diplomatic immunity. A booger is not a bookmark. I will not sell my kidney on eBay. Class clown is not a paid position. Substitute teachers are not scabs. A belch is not an oral report. Fish do not like coffee. I cannot hire a substitute student. Dodge-ball stops at the gym door. My pen is not a booger launcher. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. Organ transplants are best left to professionals. I will not sell land in Florida. A fire drill does not demand a fire. I will not sell miracle cures. Underwear should go on the inside. I will not torment the emotionally frail. I will not conduct my own fire drills. I do not have power of attorney over first graders. The pledge of allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan.' I saw nothing in the teacher's lounge. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. I will not prescribe medication. This punishment is not medieval. I will not put hot sauce on the CPR dummy."


--- all originally by Bart Simpson
 
Thomas II said:
View attachment 4511

"I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead --
For goodness’ sake, don’t call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat…
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not the moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, nor broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,

And then there’s dose and rose and lose --
Just look them up -- and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.

And do and go, then thwart and cart,
Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start!

A dreadful language? Why, sakes alive!
I’d learned to speak it when I was five.

And yet, to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn’t learned it at fifty-five."

And again...
Click to expand...

Wiploc said:
View attachment 4511

"I will not fake seizures. I will not burp in class. I will not instigate revolution. Beans are neither fruit nor musical. The school does not need a 'regime change.' This punishment is not boring and pointless. I did not see Elvis. 'Non-flammable" is not a challenge. A burp is not an answer. I will only provide a urine sample when asked. I will not xerox my butt. I will not hide the teacher's medication. No one cares what my definition of 'is' is. I will not obey the voices in my head. I will not hang donuts on my person. I will not charge admission to the bathroom. I will not hide behind the fifth amendment. I will return the seeing-eye dog. I will not do that thing with my tongue. I will not dissect things unless instructed. I will not carve gods. I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage. The boys room is not a water park. I will not surprise the incontinent. I will not publish the principle's credit report. I cannot absolve sins. Grammar is not a waste of time. Fridays are not really 'pants optional.' No one wants to hear my armpits. I do not have diplomatic immunity. A booger is not a bookmark. I will not sell my kidney on eBay. Class clown is not a paid position. Substitute teachers are not scabs. A belch is not an oral report. Fish do not like coffee. I cannot hire a substitute student. Dodge-ball stops at the gym door. My pen is not a booger launcher. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. Organ transplants are best left to professionals. I will not sell land in Florida. A fire drill does not demand a fire. I will not sell miracle cures. Underwear should go on the inside. I will not torment the emotionally frail. I will not conduct my own fire drills. I do not have power of attorney over first graders. The pledge of allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan.' I saw nothing in the teacher's lounge. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. I will not prescribe medication. This punishment is not medieval. I will not put hot sauce on the CPR dummy."


--- all originally by Bart Simpson
Click to expand...

Both WINNERS!

First to post takes it. :D
 
Thanks!

strange-wedding-customs-from-around-the-world.jpg
 
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