Joke gallery

[Tigers!]

Remember the days when parents would name their children after expensive items i.e. Mercedes, Dior, Chardonnay etc.?
Now they will call them Petrol, Food and Electricity.

 

[Gospel]

How did the Knights Hospitaller know when the enemy would strike?

Spoiler

They were in the chain mail.

 

[Elixir]

Remember the days when parents would name their children after expensive items i.e. Mercedes, Dior, Chardonnay etc.?
Now they will call them Petrol, Food and Electricity.

I wonder how many will be named Toilet Paper.

 

[Tigers!]

I read a recent report that said that the universe is composed of electrons, protons and neutrons. What happened to the morons?

 

[ZiprHead]

I read a recent report that said that the universe is composed of electrons, protons and neutrons. What happened to the morons?

They found IIDB and decided to run the place.

 

[ZiprHead]

I got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing “Danger Zone” five times. Apparently I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

 

[SLD]

When I went to the grocery store my wife told me to pick up six cans of Sprite. But I picked 7 up.



When you go into the bathroom you’re an American. When you come out of the bathroom, you’re an American. What are you while you’re in the bathroom?

Show

European!
[\hide]

 

[TV and credit cards]

When you go into the bathroom you’re an American. When you come out of the bathroom, you’re an American. What are you while you’re in the bathroom?

Show

European!
[\hide]

Reminds me of a friend we nicknamed Liberace.

 

[Tigers!]

My wife asked if our children were spoilt.
I said "No, they all smell like that"

 

[SLD]

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.


. . .

Then the librarian told me to take it out!

 

[Tigers!]

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.


. . .

Then the librarian told me to take it out!

Must have been the tiny items section.
Or the librarian could have slammed it shut on you. Bound periodicals would have a whole new meaning.

 

[Tigers!]

What is the collective noun for people waiting for a haircut?

A barber queue

 

[ZiprHead]

The James Webb Space Telescope can see so far into the past that scientists think it may be able to image the last fucks I gave.

 

[SLD]

 

[blastula]

What did Mr. Spock find in the ship's toilet?


The captain's log.

 

[ZiprHead]

 

[Tigers!]

A cattle farmer emigrated to Wales and opened a farm at Llanfairpwllqwyllgogerychwyrndrobwlllantysiliogogoch.

Sadly none of his cattle survived the branding.

 

[SLD]

Every girl is bi, just gotta figure out if it's polar or sexual

 

[blastula]

Every girl is bi, just gotta figure out if it's polar or sexual

You're fired.

 

[Tigers!]

Went to the paint store to get thinner.
Didn't work.