• Welcome to the Internet Infidels Discussion Board.

Joke gallery

On my first day as a Walmart greeter, a rude woman walked in with her two kids, yelling at them. I just smiled and said, “Good morning, welcome to Walmart. Nice kids, are they twins?” She snapped, “No! One’s 9 and the other’s 7. Are you blind or stupid?” I replied, “I am not blind or stupid, just surprised someone slept with you twice.” Later, my supervisor told me I might not be the best fit for the job.
 
Two alter boys are fishing on a dock. One of the boys gets a bite and struggles to reel him in. When he finally gets the best of the fish, he snatches him up and proclaims to the other alter boy "Look at this big sum bitch!" The other alter boy says "You can't say that you're an alter boy" to which he explains "thats the name of the fish, sum bitch." "Wow, well that is a big sum bitch, lets go show it to the priest!"

The two boys run up to the priest yelling, "Priest look at this big sum bitch we caught!" Priest- "You boys can't talk like that you're alter boys!" Alter boys- "Priest thats the name of the fish, sum bitch" Priest- "Well that is a nice sum bitch, lets go catch some more of those sum bitches and show em to the cardinal!"

So the priest and the boys catch some more of those sum bitches and carry them to show the cardinal. "Cardinal, look at all these sum bitches we caught!" Cardinal- "I should have you all excommunicated for language like that!" Alter boys- "Well thats the name of the fish, sum bitch" Cardinal- "I never in my life have seen such a fine bunch of sum bitches, lets take them to the nuns and see if she'll cook up these sum bitches!"

So the alter boys, the priest and the cardinal go see the nun. "NUN! Can you cook up these sum bitches for us?!?!" Nun- "I aint cooking nothing if you boys are gonna talk like that!" Alter boys- "Nun thats the name of the fish, sum bitch!" Nun- "Well since you boys went through the trouble of catching all these sum bitches, I reckon I could fry these sum bitches up!"

That night the pope is visiting town and sets down for supper with the alter boys, priest, cardinal, and nun.

Alter boys- "I can't believe we caught all these sum bitches!" Priest- "These are the best sum bitches I have ever ate!" Cardinal- "Nun, you cooked these sum bitches just right!" Nun- "I sure did, you boys gotta catch some more of these sum bitches!"

The pope looks around at everyone with a surprised look on his face. He cracks a grin and says......."Y'all mother fuckers are alright!"


I wonder if the pope has heard this joke?
 
Last night, Jimmy Kimmel made a reference to when Jack Parr walked off the Tonight Show after a bit was censored. This is the joke they would not air.

An English lady, while visiting Switzerland, was looking for a room, and she asked the schoolmaster if he could recommend any to her. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled, the lady returned to her home to make the final preparations to move.

When she arrived home, the thought suddenly occurred to her that she had not seen a “W.C.” [water closet, a euphemism for toilet] around the place. So she immediately wrote a note to the schoolmaster asking him if there were a “W.C.” around. The [Swiss] schoolmaster was a very poor student of English, so he asked the [Swiss] parish priest if he could help in the matter. Together they tried to discover the meaning of the letters “W.C.,” and the only solution they could find for the letters was “Wayside Chapel.” The schoolmaster then wrote to the English lady the following note:

Dear Madam:
I take great pleasure in informing you that the W.C. is situated nine miles from the house you occupy, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and it is open on Sunday and Thursday only. As there are a great number of people and they are expected during the summer months, I would suggest that you come early: although there is plenty of standing room as a rule. You will no doubt be glad to hear that a good number of people bring their lunch and make a day of it; while others who can afford to go by car arrive just in time. I would especially recommend that your ladyship go on Thursday when there is a musical accompaniment. It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband. I can remember the rush there was for seats. There were ten people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one. It was wonderful to see the expression on their faces. The newest attraction is a bell donated by a wealthy resident of the district. It rings every time a person enters. A bazaar is to be held to provide plush seats for all the people, since they feel it is a long felt need. My wife is rather delicate, so she can’t attend regularly. I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you if you wish, where you will be seen by all. For the children, there is a special time and place so that they will not disturb the elders. Hoping to have been of service to you, I remain,
Sincerely,
The Schoolmaster
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom