Joke gallery

[Elixir]

It's fair use because guys are called dicks when they act stupid or selfish.

Or insufferable pricks if they’re democrats.

 

[ideologyhunter]

Two gambling buddies meet in a Vegas bar one morning. One says, "You look like you're actually sick. What happened?"
His friend says, "Yesterday was my worst cold streak ever. Where should I start? I made six football bets, and lost all of 'em. I made four different basketball bets, and again, a total loss. So I thought I'd bet on the horses, put in three bets, and all of my horses lost."
The first guy says, "Well, there's a hockey game tonight."
His friend scowls. "Hockey? I don't know shit about hockey!"

Attributed to Norm McDonald

 

[unapologetic]

Or insufferable pricks if they’re democrats.

Or selfish pricks if they're republicans.

 

[Elixir]

Or insufferable pricks if they’re democrats.

Or selfish pricks if they're republicans.

Really? I thought they were sufferable pricks. Have to ask Swiz, the prick expert.

 

[ideologyhunter]

A BMW salesman follows a wealthy old woman around the dealership. He doesn't want to crowd her, but he also doesn't want another salesman to get the commission. When she leans into the window of one of the premium display cars, he stands a discreet few feet away. Suddenly she cuts a vast fart -- it sounds like a box of bubble wrap being run over twice.
She looks around, red-faced, and sees him. She knows he knows, and he knows she knows he knows.
He says, "You're so right, madam. If you farted just from touching this beemer, you'll shit your britches when I tell you the price!!"