Not the same thing. Let's say your girlfriend owns the house and you're just sleeping over, they cook her breakfast and expects you to compensate them for serving both of you. Nothing you asked for.
Being the president isn't a team job. And shouldn't be a team job. It's a one person job.
That in and of itself is an absurd claim. Part of the reason this presidency is failing, and why most of Trump's businesses fail, is his inability to work with others effectively.
I agree that "first lady" is not a governmental position, though.
It's a de facto position. First ladies have always been expected to also serve their country.
Also, I'm pretty sure Dr. Z doesn't really understand imposter's syndrome. Nor is he familiar with Michelle Obama's accomplishments prior to becoming First Lady. She's an extremely impressive individual in her own right. The fact that she was willing to set aside her own personal ambitions in order to provide the personal and moral support any person who is elected as President needs and deserves, to find a niche despite horrendously racism directed towards her, her husband and their daughters and to effectively advocate for her platform speaks volumes. Most of the FLOTUS in modern times have managed to handle their duties--real or perceived, with something like grace and graciousness. Like it or not, being POTUS means that your ENTIRE FAMILY is in the spotlight. It's worse now in twitter world but it existed as far back as I can remember, which is the Kennedy administration, and prior to that as well.
Whether we are right or not to expect so much from the spouse of the sitting POTUS is a different matter. It would be better for us all if we allowed public officials to have a private life and did not examine them nor their families under a microscope, looking for infractions.
Now, if we are talking about Melania Trump, she clearly didn't ask for or prepare for nor does she enjoy any aspect of being FLOTUS, except perhaps the racist adulation for bringing back beauty and grace to a white house that had been so tarnished by the occupation of a black family. I feel a bit sorry for her. Not that much, when I remember her birtherism. Then, I'm ready to let her face as much scrutiny as can be brought to bear.